"You know what would really complement a cape? A goatee. The last time we elected a president with facial hair was 1908. Exactly one hundred years ago. The time for a comeback has arrived."
OBVIOUSLY I agree, and that is why I was so excited when Al Gore grew a beard.
HOWEVER, not a goatee. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. As we learned in the NINETEEN NINETIES, the goatee is the facial hair of the desperately ambivalent, and that is not what we need in a PRESIDENT today.
(ALSO, The Potts Famous Beard Manual indicates that a GOATEE signifies "false hopes" and "flash over substance." As well it is suggested that the GOATEER is someone who might lead a "CULT OF PERSONALITY" and maybe even "QUOTE WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION." And as you know, THOSE ARE THE WORST THINGS ON EARTH.)
That is all.
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17 comments:
And that's before you even consider the evil twin possibilities.
My dad always told me that you can't trust a man with a beard - he obviously has something to hide.
My dad had a moustache.
My friend Sarah's dad frequently told her to never trust someone who just gave up smoking, just found Jesus, or a man with well-groomed facial hair.
I'm not sure of his moustache status.
I wear a mustache and I am completely untrustworthy. For example, I have this large orange bridge in my neighborhood that I am putting up for sale, all commers welcome. But be warned, for I wear a mustache!
I have a goatee. I like it well enough I guess. Maybe I should grow a beard though. Or maybe not. Eh, I guess I could go either way.
COULTON '12
Evil Spock had a goatee...
I would like to point out that I have a Van Dyke (goatee and mustache) and I feel no ambivilance at all. But then again I've had one since aroun 1992 so I feel justified in my facial hair choice.
I should point out that, when I originally said "goatee", I intended the inclusion of a moustache (the "van Dijck", as it were). I do not know if this changes the opinion of the Beard Manual, or not.
Also, as I have never before been quoted by Hodg-man, I find myself distressed by the seeming inconsistency between names "in quotes" and those that are not. I must know : is my identity uncertain? Is it perhaps somehow unfixed in time and space? And should this concern me?
...the goatee is the facial hair of the desperately ambivalent.
Hey!
I...am not sure how I feel about that.
i'll vote for coulter in '12 if she grows a goatee.
I think he should grow something along the lines of this fellow's facial hair.
Collin Farrel usually sports a goatee and Collin Farrel is hot, erego, we need a hot president.
we should, obviously, elect this guy. http://slog.thestranger.com/files/2007/09/2003870381.jpg
God bless you, Dan, for posting the link to Moustaches of the 19th Century.
My life now has meaning.
Check out these fine specimens of facial decor at
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/
Maybe Beard Team USA could advise our candidate!
I'm a little disappointed that there has been no reference to this being International Mustache Month by any of the campaigns. This is clearly one of the more important international celebrations.
I myself am celebrating the month by not shaving, and haven't shaved since Feb. 1st. I shall shave all but my mustache on the 29th.
Go here for more information on IMM
Aaaagh! My ex-boyfriend had a goatee _and_ wore a cape all the time.
Don't bring it up!
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