Tuesday, July 01, 2008

SASQUATCH IS MISSING, AND MAY SOON BE GONE FOREVER

I FIRST LEARNED OF THIS SAD TALE from noted cryptozoologist LOREN COLEMAN:



NOW, JUST BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO HAVE THE SAME STATUE in my home in Internetless Hills, MA, it does not mean that I stole it from the Niki's Quick Six.

NOT AT ALL. The truth is, COULTON got it for me for Xmas (I can prove it).

AND AS COLEMAN HIMSELF POINTS OUT, it is widely available through Toscano Design.

WHICH LEADS TO ONE QUESTION : how many should we buy for the Quick Six?

MEANWHILE, I do not thank Loren Coleman enough for all his inspiration. You may have heard from BOINGBOING that he is being audited by the IRS.

THEY SAY it is because his Cryptozoology Museum in Maine is not properly a "museum."

OTHERS SAY it is because the government does not want YOU to know the truth.

EITHER WAY, Coleman needs your help. He lays it all out here, and I hope you'll join me in supporting him.

That is all.

6 comments:

Brent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brent said...

As a long-time reader and first time commenter, I would like to express my joy with this find. Firstly, KDKA-TV Pittsburgh is my hometown news station. Secondly, it has received notoriety from John Hodgman, world-famous writer and television star. Thirdly -- do you detect a mild drawl in guilt-ridden store clerk Stephanie? This is a regional accent. And I now have a wonderfully representative example of said accent to demonstrate to friends not of this area.

Thank you, John! I believe you, also, when you say you are not the thief.

Jim said...

I always wondered why Sasquatch was never seen with his children. It appears as though Toscano is kidnapping and bronzing them to make gifts for musicians to give to former literary agents.

Quirk said...

"If present at a hobo court and you have testimony, give it, whether for or against the accused, your voice counts!"
- http://www.hobo.com/hobo_code.htm

McShowoff said...

Is it me, or are both the owner of the Niki's Six convenience mart and the hustled clerk inordinately hot?

madmonq said...

That may be a statuesque representation of the Sasquatch beast but it is not an accurate one. For example: the statue wasn't nearly tall enough. Andre the Giant's portrayal on the Six Million Dollar Man was much more faithful.

Six Million Dollar Man, Quick Six? The relationship is clear. Has anyone questioned Lee Majors?