Thursday, June 21, 2007

"THEY SHOWED UP, BUT THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FROM SERVING DUE TO BEING NONHUMAN."



FROM THE COMMENTS, MORE INFORMATION on the mysterious WALTER.

COURTESY: the mysterious DON.

NOTE ALSO THE PHOTO, as that is indeed the room where I served. This article states that it is but a temporary exile for Walter while his true domain at 100 Centre St. is being renovated.

AND YET THIS ARTICLE APPEARED IN 2004.

That is all.

IMAGE COURTESY: Elizabeth Robert and "The Villager"

12 comments:

Eh... Not so much said...

Walter is truly an American hero. And a damn handsome man to boot!

Eh... Not so much said...

PS, I used the Google and found a treasure trove of articles about Sir Walter. A 2001 NYTimes article cites him as having been 47 at that writing, so he'd be 53 or 54 now. He has also won service awards! And someone wrote a very nice letter about him to his employers. You should do also.

Mr. Austin said...

Look at that, the gem does indeed sparkle.

What a wondrous world we live in.

Laurie said...

Temporary means something different in government.

Tom Burchfield said...

Some Ways to Get Turned Down for Jury Duty:

1. Attorneys whether for the defense or the prosecution, do not like intelligent, thoughtful, quick-witted jurors so . . . during voir dire, get into long tedious arguments with attorneys over the meaning such words as "is," "voir dire" and "not guilty." ["If you think about it,aren't we really *all* guilty!?"]

2. Fan yourself with a copy of "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion."

3. Jump up, point at the defendant and scream, "That's the father of my child!"

4. Eschew bathing, down a can of baked beans the night before and, when challenged on the issue of hygiene, claim a fatal allergy to soap.

5. "I got that hundred bucks you asked for, your honor!"

6. "Huh!? Oh, he looks guilty as shit to me!"

7. "Of course, I give more credence to the policeman's testimony! He'll beat me with his night stick if I don't!"

Ian Thal said...

I think the matter should be competence to serve on a jury. I certainly can understand that Miss Piggy might be disqualified for being rather judgemental, Kermit for his constantly anxious state, while Crazy Harry would be just be too disruptive, but it seems to me that Sam the Eagle would take his duties very seriously.

Tom Burchfield said...

I have heard that in England that the pool is drawn from random, with no voir dire for either side. Unless you show clear signs of mental instability, you get picked, you get in. I don't think they take hardship claims seriously, either. Anyone know about this?

Ian Thal said...

Yes, but in England they also make their Prime Minister come to parlement to answer questions. How very strange!

Tom Burchfield said...

Not only that but, if my recent viewing of "The Queen" is correct, the PM lives in a cramped flat and has to do his own cooking and dishes . . . makes ya think, doesn't it?

Matt said...

I realize that the comments section of an unrelated post is not the right place to do this but I couldn't find your e-mail address.

I have a blog called Paleo-Future that documents past visions of the future. As my favorite "humorist" (is that what I can call you?) I was wondering if you had any favorite memories about how the future was supposed to turn out.

Thanks for your time.

Also, as a Minnesotan in exile your Mall of America food court story made me laugh out loud.

Thanks again.

matt@paleofuture.com

Bram Pitoyo said...

Mr. Hodgman,

You should check out matt's site, Paleo-Future, like I did, and be amazed of its sheer ephemera. Think Shorpy, but in illustration.

Lhyzz said...

So, which are you? A Wall St. titan, deli worker, or scruffy-haired hipster?