IN A PREVIOUS COMMENTS THREAD,
bec_87rb asked... WHAT DOES JOHN HODGMAN HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS...
As you know, the invasion is on and there's no point denying it. If someone at work has been acting strangely lately (ie, keeping conversations brief and polite; avoiding eye contact; asking you to 'please go away'), chances are he/she has already been replaced by a pod person, and you should watch them carefully, and angrily, whenever they cannot see you.
But if it's a loved one, the situation can be more complex. Many do not wish to admit that their spouse is a pod person. That is why I recommend creating a pre-nuptial questionnaire--a list of very personal questions that only your true spouse knows the answer to. You can imagine the sort:
What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Where do you keep your toothbrush?
Why do you keep it there and not put it in the safe like I suggested?
Don't you think our personal items should be protected by a fireproof safe?
That sort of thing.
I'd recommend that the questionnaire include about 1,000 of these questions. Then simply go through the questions each morning and, for added security, over cocktails at night as well. Make a game of it.
Of course, if your spouse was already a pod person when you got married, you are out of luck. Enjoy your new lifestyle of subservience to alien whims and unsecure toothbrushes.
Also, the pod people disintegrate when doused with kerosene or grain alcohol. Try it!*
That is all.
*No. Do not douse anyone with kerosene or grain alcohol.