Monday, February 12, 2007

THE SECRET DEATH OF LOBSTERS

APPARENTLY THERE ARE MORE THAN 45 WAYS to kill a lobster.

HERE ARE TWO MORE OF THEM, courtesy THE SECRET LIFE OF LOBSTERS via BOING BOING, including the device pictured, the Avure HPP.



THE LOBSTER is placed in the chamber, along with water, a substance that the lobster knows well and feels very comfortable in.

THEN THE PRESSURE BEGINS, and the lobster's old pal "water" suddenly becomes its greatest enemy, as the water pressure grows to three times that found at the greatest depths of the ocean.

TO PARAPHRASE C-3P0, THE LOBSTER SHOULD BE QUITE WELL PROTECTED, should it survive the process, that is.

ACTUALLY, NO: the lobster not only dies, but conveniently for all but the lobster, the process has the added benefit of instantly separating its delicious raw flesh from its disgusting, hateful shell.

THUS ALLOWING, for the first time, a raw lobster to be shucked while still disgustingly whole.



THIS IS THE METHOD WHOLE FOODS HAS CHOSEN to humanely kill the lobsters it will sell.

BUT NATURALLY THE NUTCRACKER INDUSTRY IS UP IN ARMS, as well as the Boiling Council.

That is all.

22 comments:

Emily said...

This is unrelated to lobster carnage; however, it would seem that an additional skunk-related portent has surfaced:

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/02/he_only_has_a_v.html

That said, I enjoyed your book, and I continue to enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work.

Annje said...

Ok, now that I am thouroughly disgusted and appaled at the Lobster killing machine. What next King Crab machines that take all the fun of cracking the legs away from patrons?? Thank you for the disturbing photo there Hodg-man! Not sure if pressuring a Lobster to the point of implosion is more humane or not.. Will go and ponder these things..

Glenn said...

On the upside, it will be very useful in dealing with cyborg crustaceans from the future.

Because you know they're coming.

And they won't be furry.

Annie said...

That picture made me laugh obscenely hard, but I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps the sight of a naked lobster startled me.

Christopher said...

My favorite way to kill a lobster? Shame.

Heather said...

That is the most shameful exploded lobster-flesh reconstruction I have ever laid eyes on... clearly the work of an amateur.

The claws go at the front. The FRONT!

Dan said...

How many ways were there to kill the furry old lobster? Not that anyone would want to.

John said...

Gross. Wrong. Gross & wrong.

walkergv said...

i for on am glad their is a better way to kill those hateful new lobsters

hobogirl1 said...

Eww. That is just wrong. Lobsters gross me out.

Pirate Alice said...

this is so disturbing

suttonhoo said...

so. disturbing.

and yet strangely fascinating.

Ape Lad said...

Don't throw away that shell just yet! I mean "molt".
From here:
"Soak or keep molt wet till you get home. Lay shell out on a board and using small nails along the sides, but not through the shell. form up the shell, legs and antella in the correct position. You may want to put some small blocks of wood or stryofoam under the antenna. Let dry in position. With clear laquer spray, build up several coats on the shell to hold it all together. Underneath, where you can't see, use a thermal glue gun to streghten leg and antenna joints. Thermal glue feet and several points under the shell to a nice mounting board. Keep peoples hands off of it!"
Emphasis added.

Patrick M~ said...

It looks like they left off the first step:
(1) The Avure HPP rises from a concealed panel in the floor of the Lightcycle sequence from Tron.

Sereth said...

Well, at least its "humane".

Lhyzz said...

"THE LOBSTER is placed in the chamber, along with lobster, a substance that the lobster knows well and feels very comfortable in."

Best, most confusing, typo ever.

Gina said...

Quick, John! Stewart is sick! Time to move in and take what is rightfully yours!

I am eagerly awaiting, of course, Do, Do, Do That Thing. Surely a cyborg attracting guide is also in the works? We must be on the good side of our future captors.

Cynical Hema said...

I can find this as a new, useful way of making sushi!

Richie said...

How is it that there are only 45 ways to kill a lobster, yet 50 ways to leave you lover?

Do not ask me where to find the logic in this question

Brian said...

Why are people so concerned about humane killing of lobsters? Have you ever REALLY thought about what a lobster is? It is essentially a large insect that lives underwater. Slightly more advanced but basically the same.

C.T. Pope said...

This is the best invention ever! If only it could be modified to use air to kill veal. I bet that would be some tender veal.

Alex said...

Pass the butter, please.