VOTE HOOK

TONY FAULKNER of the PORTLAND, OREGON DAWKINS-FAULKNERS reports from that fine city of bridges and neo-burlesque...

THE EMERGENCE OF AN INTRIGUING PUBLIC FIGURE

OVER TO TONY:

"Being as how you have a vested interest in such people holding public office, I'm pleased to introduce Steve Novick (if I'm the first Oregonian to share)."

NOVICK, according to his perfectly named website, he is a progressive with "a hard left hook."

AT THE TENDER AGE OF 14 was he sent loose upon the hard streets of Oregon after the closing of his Junior High School due to budget cuts...

(AS YOU MAY KNOW, Oregon regularly ranks very highly in US News & World Report's annual MOST DICKENSIAN STATE list)

...BUT RATHER THAN TURN TO A LIFE OF HOOK-HANDED PICKPOCKETING, he instead enrolled IN HARVARD LAW SCHOOL AT THE AGE OF 18, later acting as lead counsel in the Love Canal case.

AND WHAT'S MORE, he is the only candidate for Senate who begins his official bio with a trivia question--so you know he has my vote.

(NOTE: I CANNOT VOTE IN OREGON)

SHOULD STEVE NOVICK PREVAIL and become a US Senator, he would, under obscure Oregonian law, be but A HOOK-HAND FROM THE PRESIDENCY.

NO MATTER YOUR AFFILIATION AND POLITICAL BELIEFS, I trust you will watch his candidacy with interest.

THAT IS ALL.

Photo courtesy www.votehook.com

COULTON: FAMOUS

FROM THE COMMENTS, Molly alerts that Coulton is on YOUTUBE's "FEATURED VIDEOS" list at this very moment.

WITH THIS AND HIS RECENT EXPOSURE in the Magazine of record, it is clear that my old feral man-child friend has eclipsed my own small measure of renown.

I SUPPOSE FOR THE NEXT BOOK he will just have to tour with the Geico Cavemen.

THAT IS MY FATE

THAT IS ALL.

WHILE I MAINTAIN A POLICY AGAINST MANIPULATED IMAGES....

Tramps!, fighting! Now in Amazing Technicolor.
Originally uploaded by ct.pope.

...I NOW ACKNOWLEDGE THAT

This image from CT Pope was INEVITABLE

and VERY WELCOME.

I have no idea what he's talking about re: PRETTY LITTLE POPPY. Frankly, that bit is all just spooky.

THAT IS ALL.

KOTTKE SENT ME THIS IMAGE

...via the incredible SHORPY

AND I AM SAYING "thank you."

THAT IS ALL.

LOOK FOR THE LABEL WITH THE SHIP THAT SAILS THE OCEAN

Probably the most important commercial of all time.

THAT IS ALL

JENNIFER KARADY

FYI

Is the creator of the COULTON image below.


That is all

I TRUST YOU ALL SAW AARON WILLIAMSON IN THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE?

coulton & me
Originally uploaded by HaqDiesel.

HERE IS A PHOTO OF THE MAN HIMSELF

(WITH COULTON in the foreground)

YOU MAY ALSO READ ABOUT DR. "SHAGGILY HANDSOME," as he was known at Bacon Academy, here.

AND FROM THE VERY SAME ISSUE, here is an update on Neal Pollack's DANCE FEVER.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY all this printed matter.

BUT MEANWHILE: congratulations, Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM IN THE COUNTRY WITH LIMITED ACCESS TO ELECTRONICS

h!
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

BUT IN THIS BRIEF MOMENT AWAY, Ape Lad once again comes through with CONTENT.

YOU CAN SEE AND CONTRIBUTE more Hs and more sunrays here.

THAT IS ALL.

AND A DOLLAR SHORT

I REALIZED THIS MORNING that I missed one critical photo in my COULTON-PHYSICAL-AFFECTION-ROUNDUP of yesterday.

I DON'T RECALL who took this photo.

PLEASE REMIND ME, if you do.

THAT IS ALL.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE

JoCo and a Stuffed Weasel
Originally uploaded by pasquinade.

BUT I DOUBT it's legal

That is all

COURTESY: pasquinade

MORE LOVIN'

Jonathan Coulton and Neal
Originally uploaded by CarrieLu.

COURTESY CarrieLu

That is all

COULTON SWEATS FOR PAUL AND STORM

finale
Originally uploaded by cyaneyed.

AS YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE

That is all

courtesy cyaneyed

MORE LOVE FROM COULTON

Jonathan Coulton & Kynan
Originally uploaded by chrubuky.

COURTESY chrubuky

That is all.

FIRST OF MAY, FIRST OF MAY, OUTDOOR COULTON STARTS TODAY

CIMG6901
Originally uploaded by shadixpn.

TODAY, for every reason you can guess, I am only going to blogging photographs of JONATHAN COULTON MAKING LOVE.

IF YOU HAVE MORE, please share them with me. The world must know.

BE SURE TO VISIT the official FIRST OF MAY posting and listen to the lovely sounds of loving outside at Coulton's website.

THAT IS ALL.

Courtesy: shadixpn, for the love

AND ONE MORE BEARMAN

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE: Heaven's Gate, the sequel...

That is all.

PURSUANT TO BRASS EYE

cakeshirt
Originally uploaded by Status Frustration.

THIS WILL MAKE SENSE if you do what I tell you to do below.

Courtesy Status Frustration for the photo, and Dennis DiClaudio for the original tip off to Jesse.

That is all.

"THESE VAST CAT HEADS WERE BUILT UNDERGROUND, AND SEEN BY NO ONE"

FURTHER CRITICAL CULTURAL PRODUCT REVEALED TODAY ON YOUR "WORLD WIDE INTERNET":

BrassEye

JESSE THORN discovers a hidden internettal cache of one of the least-seen (in the US) and yet most important and influential comedy "programmes" ever to be released in the UK.

WHAT'S MORE, someone has gone through the incredible trouble of DUBBING IT ALL INTO ENGLISH.

I tell you: SOME PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS.

That is all.

BEARMAN, SNOWMAN, AND JACK KIRBY

DO NOT DELAY, go and read the latest BEARMAN DISPATCH in Wired, which deals with the Iranian hostage crisis, a fake science fiction film, and yes, the King, and prepare to have your brain bent in amazed delight ONCE MORE.

IF YOU DO NOT KNOW JOSHUAH BEARMAN, here is what you should know...

HE SPELLS HIS NAME with a redundant H.

HE WRITES AND BLOGS from LA, weekly.

HE IS AN ACE lecturer on the subject of Sasquatch and giant chinese Prairie Dogs (Bearman begins about halfway through the program, though by all means LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING).

HE IS THE WORLD'S PRIMARY RESEARCHER on the fight to get the competitive classic arcade game circuit, which research has led to the new documentary KING OF KONG.

HE IS THE AUTHOR OF THE VERY FINEST "True Life Tale" that we never published (for the full story, go here. Again, Bearman begins halfway through the program that you should LISTEN TO IN ITS ENTIRETY).

and

HE IS A SUPER GENIUS WHO MUST BE HEARD

That is all.

(Courtesy Arthur Jones at the Post-It Note Reading Series for the snowman illustration, and the very talented, very, very patient Kevin Guilfoile for the "True Life Tale" linked above).

"TWO WORDS: NUDIE PICS"

...OR THUS SPAKE "PUNKIN" in response to my request for how to finally close my MYSPACE account.

OTHER SUGGESTIONS, ranging from the ingenious to the plain wily, INCLUDED:

--BEING MEAN TO TOM (Annje).
A fine idea, but surely there is nothing I can say to TOM that he hasn't already heard a 1000 times more meanly, and in 1337 no less?

--POSTING EXCERPTS OF MY OWN BOOK on my myspace and then complaining about copyright infringement (Chris).
Also very clever, but unfortunately this would not constitute "copyright infringement" but instead would merely cause the universe to collapse upon itself.

--POSTING A DAILY SHOW VIDEO on my myspace page and waiting for Viacom to sue me (hobogirl).
As much as I love a lawsuit, hobogirl's plan has one fatal flaw: judging from youtube, NO SUCH VIDEOS EXIST!

--SPAMMING PEOPLE (meredith).
Sorry. Already taken care of.

--NUDIE PICS (punkin)
While this would certainly handle the problem ably, I really could not bring myself to do this. The worst I think I could do would be to post obscure sexual euphemisms. Such as "handling the roblem ably." RIBALD!

--I SHOULD BECOME SOMEONE ELSE (ct pope).
No good. Frankly, I am barely the person I am.

--EVERYONE ELSE FLAGGING MY PICTURE AS INAPPROPRIATE (cpt joy)
Captain Joy tried this, and myspace offered to report me as a sex offender. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS.

--AND FINALLY, this recipe from gg:

"I turned the background and text the same bright color red (#FF0000), renamed it "FUCK", added 10 blog entries of Misfits lyrics ("I got something to say / I killed your baby today / And it doesn't matter much to me / As long as its dead") and embedded every stolen clip from FOX networks I could find. For a user avatar, I went to 4chan - /b/, of course - and asked nicely for the worst picture that wonderful community could provide."

GG REPORTS that his/her site was removed within an hour.

BEFORE I UNDERTAKE THIS COURSE OF ACTION, HOWEVER, I suppose I will first resort to the measure which is more in tune with my own timid heart:

THE STRONGLY WORDED LETTER.

I shall keep you posted of my progress as I go forward, with the caveat that

a) MY PROGRESS SHALL BE SLOW

because

b) I DO NOT REALLY CARE ALL THAT MUCH.

Thank you for your help, and

THAT IS ALL

HOW INCREDIBLY CHILLING AND INCREDIBLY DORKY IT WAS AT THE SAME TIME

MIKE DAISEY'S REPORT on his conversation with the man who tried to vince the INVINCIBLE SUMMER begins this way...

"It has been an intense few days, and I would like to thank the thousands of people who have sent me emails, which have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive. They've come from everywhere, and in an age when we often seem terribly divided, especially in this country, it really means a great deal. Though now I will be answering email well into 2010, things could be much worse--when you let something explosive loose on the internet you can never predict how it will all go down. As of now I'm glad that I posted the video. I think it captures what it was really like in that theatre, and how incredibly chilling and incredibly dorky it was at the same time."

...AND CONTINUES here.

MEANWHILE, GEOFF EDGERS, ace reporter for the Boston Globe and, via coincidence and age-old Brookline conspiracy, AN OLD HIGH SCHOOL CHUM OF THIS WRITER, has also spoken to representatives of Norco High School.

I WILL NOW STOP MY MEDDLING, but to say:

THAT IS ALL.