Sunday, April 27, 2008


RYAN unveils the horrid truth, from a time long ago (2001), before I was fat and balding.

PS: Thank you, CC Insider and ANGRY Jesse Thorn, for defending me. OR AT LEAST MY HAIR.

That is all.


Jim said...

My letter to Marketplace, regarding your hair (I take the liberty of assuming that you sip lattes for the purposes of my argument):

Jonathan Hodgeman (the PC in the Mac and PC commercials) is most certainly not overweight and balding. He is, of course, by his own admission, EXCEPTIONALLY TWEEDY. This is due to his years as a Yale undergraduate and further experience as a literary agent, along with his stint as contributor at your sister program "This American Life". However, this must not be construed as being balding and overweight. Sure, he has a high forehead. Sure, he wears an ill-fitting suit for the commercials. But that isn't ground for insulting one of public radio's most famous intellectual humorists (or is it humorous intellectuals?). I would remind you, that Hodgeman, the supposed embodiment of the PC crowd, is himself a latte-sipping, NPR-listening, ivy-educated, Mac user.

Adam said...

I must say, I had to restrain myself from swooning over your vibrant tufts of hair.

UncaScroogeMcD said...

Speaking from personal experience, John is a tiny, tiny man. Not vertically, mind you - but practically 2-dimensional.

Also, his head of hair is lush and un-thinned by the ravages of time.

He is, however, missing a pinky toe. Ask him about it.

Brandon said...

Overweight? I had always assumed you were in a Buddhist state of extreme relaxation, waiting for a pivotal moment in which to flex all your muscles, and use your super strength to save the world from a meteor impact?

I cannot possibly believe that this assumption was incorrect.

JackalFive said...

So you AREN'T Nicole Richie?

Now I don't know what to think.

Master said...

Concerning the Cuervo Man post: scurrilous. Scurrilous indeed.

Tweedy, yes. Vampiric, I doubt. Somehow, I suspect Coulton may be at back of this rumor.

Lhyzz said...

Have you ever met Slurms MacKenzie?

certifiedprepwn3d said...

Some people have more hair than other people, and to attach hierarchical significance to such a thing is simply bad manners.

As to "overweight" - the viewer with a stern and jaundiced eye might deceive himself that the sleekness and the protective outer layer possessed by Mr. Hodgman are indications of decadence, or of poor fitness. Instead, these are indications of high-level adaptation. My own protective outer layer, developed as I approached the middle of my third decade, has dramatically improved my chances of survival in hostile environments, as I trust Mr. Hodgman's will do for him.

Whatever base aspersions the non-Hodgmans of the world may cast upon him, he is still John Hodgman, and thus awesomer than any nay-sayers.

Hugh Lafferty said...

I know how Hodgman feels. I went from formerly massively hirsute 88.5 pound weakling to a shiny-pated 500-lb massive ball of fun. My wife thinks that as my hair fell out, the remaining roots released huge amounts of fat cells into my system. Employment prospects are limited, though I do find occasional temp work as a jolly Buddha at various gift shoppes. This is, after all, the Bay Area.

Serenaded Hourly said...

Remind me to never be on TV so that the only people who comment on my hair and weight are my mother, my haircutter and whoever is attached to the toes I just stepped on.

You know, on Second Life, you could be very, very skinny and entirely made of hair. I'm just saying.

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