Thursday, October 02, 2008

ADVANTAGE PALIN

SINCE NO ONE ASKED, and yet the internet demands words,

FLUBS MATTER MOST--misstatements of fact, flustered moments of silence, obvious "dog ate homework" moments, and other assorted COURICIANA.

HERE IS THE FLOWCHART as I see it.

Palin flubs + Biden flubs = ADVANTAGE PALIN. Storyline="Everybody is human."

Neither flubs = ADVANTAGE PALIN. Storyline= "Palin didn't flub."

Palin doesn't flub + Biden flubs = MAJOR ADVANTAGE PALIN. Storyline="What's the problem with Joe Biden?"

Palin flubs + Biden doesn't flub = ADVANTAGE THE UNIVERSE. Storyline= Palin exits the national stage.

I WOULD TAKE NO GLEE IN THIS, but I would be relieved. In any case, Biden must not flub.

THE WILD CARD: will Biden attack?

PALIN CERTAINLY WILL. It is part of "Palin being Palin."

I TRUST that Biden has been counseled neither to attack nor counter-attack Palin. It is a massive risk, and he has nothing to gain.

I AM SURE that Biden agrees with this strategy as of this writing.

I AM NOT SO SURE that he will follow it. In the heat of the moment he may not be able to help himself.

If he succumbs, ADVANTAGE PALIN--even if (especially if) she flubs. Storyline="Biden=mean."

AS YOU SEE, by my goofball reasoning at least, that's four possible PALIN FTWs, and only one out for the entire universe.

IT ALL DEPENDS ON BIDEN'S SELF CONTROL.

I like Biden. But I will be drinking.

That is all.

13 comments:

That Neil Guy said...

My latest thought on this whole thing is this:

Lloyd Bentsen kicked Dan Quayle's ass, but that did us no good in the general election.

Movie Maven said...

McCain dies DURING vice presidential debate: ADVANTAGE...?

trophiogrande said...

nice, movie maven made me spit my coke on my desk!

I'll be drinking but I don't think anything short of Biden bursting into flames will help McCain.

I am trying to replace "Trainwreck" with "McCainwreck"....can I count on people here helping my with this campaign?

Mellie said...

Wise observations, Hodgman.

My friends and I are having a vice presidential debate drinking event and will be doing shots each time the following words are mentioned by Palin:

"family values"
"pork barrel"
"hockey mom"

double shots for:
"Russia"
"maverick"

...and now we will have to come up with something extra terrible to do to ourselves if Biden assumes an aggresive posture.

JackalFive said...

You COULD almost create drinking game out of this, by taking a shot each time either of them flub.

You could also make a drinking game by taking a shot every time you read the word "flub" in your post.

Josh said...

Found this via twitter (@klohrenz). subscribing based solely on the strength of this post.

Howard said...

Derek Jeter was invited to try hitting against a female Olympic softball pitcher. He declined on the basis of there being no win in it for him: if he hits it, so what? If he doesn't, it's a big deal.

This is the scenario Biden needs to remember.

andywomyn said...

ditto Josh

Mellie said...

There's no reason to bring Derek Jeter's good name into this.

(Even if his numbers this year sucked.)

FLUB

Let's all participate in the DRINKING EVENT.

What will you be shooting?

Me: Jager

A. Yzsaakc said...

Gin (Seagram's extra dry) Rickey using lemon/lime flavored Faygo water with a drop of grenadine plus testosterone from hammer-crushing the ice.

Chris Fredda said...

Yes, the odds for the universe may not be great, but the odds for some great comedic fodder are excellent. And really, anything that is good for Tina Fey's career is good for America.

Master said...

Mellie--

Still alive? Just checking...

Mellie said...

You know - should have reconsidered that whole putting "Maverick" in the Double Shot category thing.

Ouchie.