PLEASE, SEATTLE: NO COINS SHAPED INTO KNIVES

For those of you who enjoy hash beer, salmon jerky, space travel supplies, and the other pleasures of the pacific northwest, may I direct you to some more information regarding the 826 Seattle benefit this Friday evening?:

"Q: Or would you encourage people to wildly throw money on stage?

"A: As long as people are not throwing gigantic coins, like the kind Batman has in his Batcave, that would be fine. Actually, a giant coin would be fine, too. Just don't "throw" coins or money with guns, or shape the coins into knives."

READ ON, IF YOU WISH.

Photo of Equipment at Seattle's Greenwood Space Travel Supply Store courtesy of Ginger Lee, whoever you are. Thank you.

That is all.

#89: Newton Fig

#89: Newton Fig
Originally uploaded by Trophiogrande.

From the e-hobo.com collection, I give you this inspired mash-up of hobo illustration by Trophiogrande, creativelyl repurposing (thieving) the original Sharick photo.

My question: does the illustrator of the hobo in the yellow sign get credit for inadvertently contributing to the 700?

Finally, a fascinating convergence spotted by Xadrian in the comments between your hoboes and a similar caricature project from the original Vanity Fair, which I dub, the 1,000,000 Dandies Project.

That is all.

Who is Ape Lad?

Who is Ape Lad?
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

Here is a reasonable explanation of things, courtesy the industrious and extremely talented ape-lad.

Though he and I have not met, the likeness is, uncannily and unfortunately accurate.

The Publishers Weekly story referenced in A-L's comicessay can be found, along with Len Jawbone's own fine hobo-illustration work here: http://jawboneradio.blogspot.com/2006/08/more-of-my-stuff-in-print.html

That is all.

THANK YOU

To quickly say thank you:

to Neil Gaiman, for the unexpected internet link.
to John Roderick, for the information given at last night's 826 event regarding the Bald Eagle infestation of Homer, Alaska
to Kate, for the rum and the coke, also known as a "HODGMAN LIBRE"

That is all.

H IN SUNRAYS

Harvard Hall
Originally uploaded by ct.pope.

CT Pope apparently made it back from Montague to Cambridge safely. Nice work evading the giant river worms!

AMERICAN CITIES I HAVE ALWAYS WISHED TO SEE

As discussed previously, Jonathan Coulton will soon be accompanying me on a tour of bookstores to present material from the paperback edition of my book.

Apart from the Neil Gaiman event (which, to be clear, is a NEIL GAIMAN event), we will also be visiting these American cities.

ALL STOPS shall feature COULTON.

ALL STOPS shall be free of charge except where noted.

MOST STOPS will feature discussion via walkie-talkie.

Eventually this information will be placed in a central location and updated as necesssary.

Please check with venues for final times and details before getting dressed and going out; but for now, as of this writing, this information is ACCURATE.




NEW YORK, NY August 23 The Beacon Theater
A Benefit Concert for 826NYC that features many other people.
IT IS SOLD OUT, I think.
For details, see bookeaters.org

SEATTLE, WA September 1 McCaw Hall/Bumbershoot
A Benefit Concert for 826-Seattle that features many other people.
IT IS NOT SOLD OUT
For tickets, see bookeaters.org

NEW YORK, NY September 7 B&N (Astor Place); 7PM
4 Astor Place, NY
212-420-1322
www.bn.com

HARTFORD, CT September 26 Mark Twain House
351 Farmington Ave.
Hartford, CT 06105
860-247-0998
www.marktwainhouse.org

BOSTON, MA September 27 Brookline Booksmith; 7PM
279 Harvard Street
Brookline, MA 02446
617-566-6660
www.brooklinebooksmith.com

CHICAGO, IL October 1 Borders (Lakeview); 2PM
2817 N. Clark Street
Chicago, IL 60657
773-935-3909
www.borders.com

MILWAUKEE, WI October 3 Harry Schwartz (Bayview); 7PM
2262 Kinnicinnick Ave.
Milwaukee, WI 53207
414-481-3401
www.schwartzbooks.com

ANN ARBOR, MI October 4 Borders (Downtown); 7PM
612 East Liberty Street
Ann Arbor, MI
734-668-7652
www.borders.com

PHILADELPHIA, PA October 5 215 Festival @ Free Library; 7PM
1901 Vine Street
Philadelphia, PA 19103
215-686-5322
www.library.phila.gov

MINNEAPOLIS, MN October 6 Fitzgerald Theater; 7PM
With Neal Pollack.
THERE WILL BE AN ADMISSION CHARGE: STAND BY

LOS ANGELES, CA October 9 Book Soup; 7PM
8818 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90069
310-659-3110
www.booksoup.com

PORTLAND, OR October 10 Powells (W. Burnside); 7:30PM
1005 W. Burnside Street
Portland, OR 97209
503-228-4651
www.powells.com

SEATTLE, WA October 11 Elliott Bay; 6PM
101 S. Main Street
Seattle, WA 98104
206-624-6600
www.elliottbaybook.com

SAN FRANCISCO, CA October 12 Cody’s (Stockton St.); 7PM
2 Stockton Street
San Francisco, CA 94108
415-773-0444
www.codysbooks.com

BALTIMORE, MD October 23 University of Baltimore; time TK

WASHINGTON, DC October 24 Warehouse Theater; 7PM
1017-21 7th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20001
202-783-3933
202-785-1133 (Olsson’s)

RICHMOND, VA October 25 Chop Suey; 7PM
1317 Cary Street
Richmond, VA 23220
804-497-4705
www.chopsueybooks.com


CHAPEL HILL, NC October 26 Bull’s Head; 3:30PM’
UNC Student Stores
CB 1530 Daniels Building
UNC Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, NC 27599
919-962-5060
www.bullshead.unc.edu

DURHAM, NC October 27 Regulator Books; 7PM
720 9th Street
Durham, NC 27705
919-286-2700
www.regbook.com

OXFORD, MS October 28 Square Books; time TK
160 Courthouse Square
Oxford, MS 38655
662-236-2262
www.squarebooks.com

AUSTIN, TX October 30 Book People; 7PM
603 N. Lamar
Austin, TX 78703
512-472-5050
www.bookpeople.com

For now, THAT IS ALL.

PATTON-FLIER

I would like to be able to do this, so I am trying again.

Patton and Weisbach and others, CALIFORNIA, this August 27.

Meanwhile, Apparently Neil Gaiman spilled the bean about Sept 28.

My very first non-video-game-related magazine job was an interview of Neil Gaiman, so I'm very honored to talk with him again.

More details about the tour coming this afternoon.

THAT IS A PROMISE.

That is all.

Jh

THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA

If I have not spoken of this before, I must speak of it now:

Please go to hear Jesse Thorn on the radio and evaluate whether radio- and pod-cast weekly interviews with comedians, writers, musicians, actors, and comedians is for you. I first met Jesse when he interviewed me, and I have enjoyed the show very much ever since. He also helped spread the word about the COULTON event in Montague, and as you will see by the attached flier, he is always involved in interesting things.

If you are in the Bay Area, it is advised that you attend. YOU MUST ATTEND.

That is all.

JONATHAN COULTON HAS A STRANGE SKIN CONDITION.

Thank you all for visiting Montague, MA.

Perhaps some of you have heard about COULTON's skin condition. If no, here is this short video.

SEE YOU TONIGHT

Perhaps, I hope. That is all.

On Notice: H in Sunrays

On Notice
Originally uploaded by mrbikferd.

Courtesy Mr. Bikferd comes this manipulated photo, which is what you find if you page through the dictionary to the definition of "awesome."

(OED, super-microscopic pocket edition, 1932. You won't be able to see it unless you have the companion OED microscope.)

It is amazing and encouraging to see activity on the "H IN SUNRAYS" group.

As you know, this was my own lame attempt at meme-launch before my poor and infrequent efforts were appropriately eclipsed by the still astonishing and diligent 700 Hoboes Project.

(Now with 100 more hoboes, by the way.)

But, with all due respect to Bikferd, this is not ALL YOUR H IN SUNRAYS BELONG TO US. While this image is awesome by definition, the project was originated to collect evidence of actual chalked Hs in actual chalked sunrays in actual places and on actual things. (Including this most memorable one from Bikferd himself).

(Whiteboards, crop circles, skywrtiting, sculptures, carvings-into-mashed-potatoes, and other forms of actual non-computer writing also accepted).

If the issue is that you do not have chalk, I will arrange for special railroad chalk to be delivered to the first five of you who write me at hodgman (at) littlegraybooks.com.

Meanwhile: thank you, Ape Lad, Juco, Neverrockfila, Darwin, and Thanatos Omega, whoever you may be.

YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN

If you are using a firefox tele-reading device, perhaps you are having the same difficulty I am seeing the comments.

For firefoxes then, here is some selected Q&A that may have been hidden from you.

I will post the whole tour tomorrow.

But honestly: if you are in MASSACHUSETTS, wouldn't you drive to see COULTON this Sat nite at 8PM at the Lady Killigrew?

Commence the Q&A

Annje said...

I do hope you and Mr. Coulton will be coming through the Metro Denver area sometime in the near future.

12:27 PM

Hodg-man replied...

Sadly, Denver is not on the schedule this time, though we would like to see the new Tattered Cover (is it as tattered? Is it as freakishly cold?). All I can offer is this old tattered appearance in your city for now.

Chris Radcliff said...

Thank you for your prompt reply, and for promoting my dazed ramblings. Unfortunately, LA will be a bit far to travel on that date, as I'll be in Michigan for a function. Perhaps my luck will improve before your next book is released.

To follow the spirit of this post, I invite any other reader to similarly demand such an event in their own city or locale. The burly public relations machine may not budge from its preappointed track, but we may derive some small satisfaction by making our tiny voices heard.

1:49 PM

Hodg-man replied...

Eventful is a fascinating internet demand tool, and your angry demands are flattering. The tour is very tightly scheduled, as you will see, but I will not stop you from fomenting rebellion against the burly machine.

Dave said...

Might I get in the Canadian line to push for a tour north of the border?

2:04 PM

Hodg-man replied...

You prove yourself a fraud, sir.

Were you truly a Canadian, you would have said "queue" instead of "line" and "programme" instead of "tour" and "inviso-line" instead of "border" and "SOUTH" instead of "NORTH" because your WHOLE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN.

I have been to Vancouver, and I know it to be true.

Erik said...

Are you by any chance going anywhere near the D.C. or Maryland areas? (If not, don't worry, I wouldn't either. I just live here.)

Hodg-man replied...

YES TO BOTH, so long as Baltimore is still in Maryland on Oct 23, and Washington DC is still our nation's capital on Oct 24.

joebob said...

Sir, please say you will be making a stop in Boston. Oh and to prove I'm a Bostonian... Pahk the cah in Hahvard Yad.

11:32 PM

hodg-man replied...

For the last time, there is no parking in Harvard Yard. But we will be appearing in Brookline on Sept 27.

Dave said...

unlucky to have missed you. but, you're right, i'm not canadian. i'm a torontonian. :)

12:07 AM

hodg-man replied...

Thanks for confessing. Now please stop with all emoticons.

Naomi said...

*sigh
the internet will have to suffice for me... :)

12:35 AM

hodg-man replied:

*sigh

WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT EMOTICONS?

But yes: the internet offers much, far too much of COULTON and HODGMAN. Check out youtube tomorrow.

Matt said...

Any chance you will be stopping by Omaha, NE? I am new to the area, but Omaha's Lied Jungle is the largest indoor rain forest in the world. And, if you have not seen such a sight, I imagine it is a must.

If that doesn't bate your interest, perhaps a session of unicameral legislature will.

1:37 AM

hodg-man replies...

I am very fond of Omaha, and here are the first 50 of 3199 words that you can read for free about my feelings on this subject. Unfortunately, apart from my private gala at Gorat's being thrown for me by Mr. Buffett (you are not invited) the closest we will be coming to Omaha will be St. Paul or Chicago. Start driving now.

That is all.

DEMAND JUST SUCH AN EVENT

This is Jh writing:

I have noticed that some people are making comments, but the main "blog page" hides them behind a blue shroud.

Perhaps you do not have this problem. It may be because I am not using a computer but a telegraph.

Still, here are the missing comments from the post below.

Jh

Chris Radcliff said...

Shortly, meanwhile, I will be making dates available for the AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE (Paperback and Audio Editions) Tour of the US

Any chance you've considered visiting fair and pleasant San Diego? No? Then, sir, I'll go so far as to demand just such an event. I stamp my foot and shake my tiny fist.

7:38 PM

Comment Deleted

This post has been removed by the author.

7:49 PM

Chris Radcliff said...

And if it's a matter of making things for you, I'd be pleased to weave you a pot-holder or compose a brief haiku.

7:50 PM

capnjoy said...

if you visit san francisco i will personally make sure you are greeted by an audience full of gold prospectors and homosexuals.

11:01 PM

hodg-man said...

SF will be on Oct 12.

I regret San Diego is not on the tour schedule, though Coulton and I will be in LA on Oct 9.

Jh

11:35 AM

People Make Things for Coulton

Coulton at Bookmill/Lady Killigrew, Aug 19, 2006, 8PM, Zero Dollars
Originally uploaded by hodg-man.

Look at this poster an Ohioan named Tim Fuller made for Jonathan Coulton's appearance this saturday at the Montague (Massachusetts) Bookmill and Lady Killigrew Cafe.

CT Pope has made his travel plans. I hope you will please make yours, or at least contact your friends in Franklin and Hampshire counties and urge them to attend. The concert costs zero dollars, and maybe Coulton will bring one of the two half-monkey/half-pony monsters that have been made to please him.

Shortly, meanwhile, I will be making dates available for the AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE (Paperback and Audio Editions) Tour of the US, during which Coulton will accompany me on guitar while wearing a coonskin cap.

That is all.

Anyone made that piece of art described about the cover?

MIKE TOOLE asks via ELECTRONIC MAIL:

"Anyone made that piece of art described about the cover? With the dragon and the girl and the authors face in the three suns? If, to your (complete world!) knowledge, it hasn't been done I'd like to do it."

For those of you who have any idea what Mike is talking about (see page 8), the answer is "I thank you, Mike, but prepare for a surprise in the paperback edition, courtesy: BENJAMIN GIBSON."

(Early versions of the paperback, of course, will be available for viewing at the COULTON event, listed below).

That is all.

AUG 19: COULTON WILL PLAY GUITAR NEXT TO A LOUD RIVER

Here is some information about a concert.

If you have friends living in the area, or are students at Smith, Amherst, Hampshire, Holyoke, or Williams colleges, or the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, and who may have arrived early for their studies, please let them know that:

JONATHAN COULTON WILL PLAY GUITAR NEXT TO A LOUD RIVER

The Montague Bookmill/Lady Killigrew.
Sat., Aug. 19, 8 PM
FREE

Local author and impresario John Hodgman will soon leave the Pioneer Valley area after a summer of residency and internet-theft at the Lady Killigrew Cafe and the Montague Bookmill of Montague, MA.

But before he goes, he wishes to introduce the western counties to the song stylings of JONATHAN COULTON in a night of SONGS ABOUT ZOMBIES, MATH, AND FEELINGS.

JONATHAN COULTON, in addition to his masthead position of "Contributing Troubadour" at Popular Science magazine (absolutely true), is featured prominently on the audio edition of Hodgman's bestselling book THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE, and his many many songs (A NEW ONE EVERY WEEK!), including "Mandlebrot Set", "Re: Your Brains", and "Baby Got Back," have been heard on PODCASTS THROUGHOUT THE LAND.

Hodgman will introduce Coulton, and following the show, he will guest-bar tend at the Lady Killigrew while Coutlton will sit at the bar and guest-drink. EVEN IF YOU LOATHE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC, COME WATCH THIS STRANGE BIT OF THEATER DEVOLVE TO ITS INEVITABLE, TRAGIC CONCLUSION!

Both will sign books and CDs and discuss TOPICS OF INTEREST.

Three copies each of Hodgman's as-yet-unreleased PAPERBACK and AUDIO EDITION of his book will be given FREE to the first six people to purchase Coulton materials.

For information and important downloads, please visit

jonathancoulton.com

OR

The Lady Killigrew

OR

JUST ATTEND THE PROGRAM OF SONGS!

The Montague Bookmill/Lady Killigrew.
Sat., Aug. 19
(OLD HOME DAYS! Come directly after the fair!)
8 PM
FREE

DIRECTIONS To PRINT and READ while driving.

That is all.

YOUR COMPLETE STORE

YOUR COMPLETE STORE
Originally uploaded by hodg-man.

Here is the last of the Sharick photos, for your records.

Thank you Michael Sharick, whoever you are.

That is all.

WINE HUTCH

WINE HUTCH
Originally uploaded by hodg-man.

I see some of you have already found this photo, but here it is for the rest of you. A continuation of yesterday's Sharick contribution.

That is all.

OILED HAM

OILED HAM
Originally uploaded by hodg-man.

Michael Sharick DOES NOT have a blog.

Thus, I am asked to share this photo with you.

As usual, do not let the "hobo" distract you from the important stuff:

1. oiled ham, obviously.
2. soup-chili
3. gainful employment
4: Jackpot: ZERO

Stay tuned for another tomorrow, plus important information about August 19 and Montague, Massachusetts.

That is all.

GLENN IS THE WINNER

ATTENTION GLENN:

If your name is selected in our forthcoming random drawing of thousands and thousands of entrants, then it is very possible, pending a review by our prize committee, that you will receive a blog post just like this one saying...

GLENN IS THE WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To qualify, all you need to do is provide us with you very best local postal address.

Then, and only then, will we write your initials on a ping pong ball and drop it into our ENORMOUS OIL DRUM full of ping pong balls. Then, and only then, will we possible agitate the drum and retrieve a single ping pong ball. If that ball has your initials on it, and if we have no other entrants with your initials, and if we do not lose the whole drum and all the ping pong balls by accident in our gigantic warehouse full of oil drums, then it is possibly very likely that you will receive a blog posting just like this one saying

YOU HAVE WON THE PRIZE!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe.


Please note: This competition is not regulated by any entity and it is not fair. Void in states.

Can You Spot the Differences?

If you can spot the five minor differences between this performance by me and Coulton and this one, I will arrange to be sent to you a copy of the forthcoming 900 CD audition edition of my book, also called THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE.

HINT: In one of these recordings, the temperature outside was six below zero! Fahrenheit!

Only four more minor differences to go!

CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE

Here is a new post in order so that commenters can all have a fresh start.

The only rule down there is: be nice. So far, so good.

But if ads start to overwhelm actual comments, I'll try to take some action that people will find acceptable.

Meanwhile: CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE.