Friday, October 20, 2006

HEY THERE, SPORTS LOATHERS!


FIRST, see you tonight (Monday) in Baltimore.

NOW, a little matter regarding THE FUTURE.

AS YOU MAY KNOW, Coulton and I will be visiting Square Books in Oxford, Mississippi this Saturday, Oct 28, at 4PM.

NOW IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION that, in addition to being a lovely, leafy, whiskey-soaked town, final resting place of the corpse of William Faulkner, and seat of Lafayette County, OXFORD ADDITIONALLY ENJOYS SPORTS

Especially: OLE MISS FOOTBALL.

IN FACT, there will be a FOOTBALL CHALLENGE that very morning between the Ole Miss Rebels and the Auburn Fierce Footballers, or whatever they are called.

(I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT SPORTS.)

WHAT THIS MEANS, according to the very kind staff Square Books is as follows...

A) Everyone in town will be drunk.
B) After the game, it is hard to say who will want to come to a 4PM reading of FAKE TRIVIA.
C) But we should come on down anyway and hang out and have a drink.

LISTEN: this all sounds fine to me.

HOWEVER, it occurs to me that there may in fact be some people in Oxford, in greater Mississippi , and even Southern Tennessee who do not love sports and might enjoy this non-sporting event.

FOR THEM, I offer the humble alternative: fake trivia, and fellowship, and also BRANDY.

FOR IN FACT, though I am useless at sports, I do like the drunk part. And so, Coulton and I have agreed to serve at this particular reading a BRANDY SANGAREE to all legal persons in attendance.

A SANGAREE, as you surely know, is a reviver, a pick-me-up, a transitional drink from one intoxication to the other, providing a perfect 4PM brandy twilight from the boozy morning tailgaiting to the late night rowdyness that is sure to follow.

SURELY THIS IS AN OFFER EVEN A SPORTSMAN CANNOT DENY!

SO I ASK OF YOU, friends in the South and on the Internet, please spread word of this affair to your non-sporting friends and let them know a Sangaree awaits them in the beautiful town square.

AND OF YOU, Oxfordians, I ask you to forgive us for being different and asthmatic and strange: a Sangaree awaits you as well, should you wish to rest your Rebel head for a moment atop a pile of books full of words.

LET US JOIN TOGETHER for once, and show the world that there can be peace between these two tribes, PEACE THROUGH BRANDY, and FAKE TRIVIA.

AND THEN everyone can buy books and get on with their lives.

AS THE WEEK GOES ON, I will occasionally remind you of this event, and maybe ask for some help with getting all the brandy and nutmeg together.

FOR NOW, though, I leave you with a particularly poetic bit of copy from the Square Books events page:

"THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS"

which is to say

THAT IS ALL


9 comments:

Annje said...

Since I'm not familiar with Brandy at all. What are some good brands for consumption on a cold winter's night? Glad to hear your tour is going well. Loving the photo's.

Michael M. said...

Auburn sports teams are tigers. The school also has connections to war eagles and plainsmen. The explanations are not worth the time.

You should have either read at Thacker Mountain Radio or waited until the next Saturday when I will be there.

Square Books is terrific. Last time I was there on a football weekend, I saw John McCain signing books and hanging out with former cheerleader Trent Lott. You are in some kind of company.

Visit the personally familiar and New York Times-heralded Grove before the game. The bad season cannot extinguish the carnival. Show up two hours before the game, and you can see the famous, inspiring and Kottke-captivating Michael Oher, subject of The Blind Side, walk through the Grove. The book was excerpted recently in Reader's Digest here and The New York Times Magazine here. Head down to Taylor for a catfish supper after your reading. The Square Books staff can give you the skinny on what else to do. Owner Richard Howorth is also mayor. Get the deluxe treatment. I hope you have a great time.

Anonymous said...

was the title of this post a veiled threat to Ze Frank? Is this some sort of Sports Racers v. Sports Loathers challenge?

bec_87rb said...

Hell's Bells.

I cannot attend, since my tribe forbids it - association with you unbelievers in Sport. I would be denied burial in our sacred ground.

However, if you tell me where to mail the nutmeg I can have it delivered on 2-day post for your Sangree needs. Be quick; time is short.

Are there asthmatic or non-sport KOSHER restrictions on the nutmeg?

With agape,
CmC

Maxwell McLeod said...

Ah, a good ol' football challenge. A good time to sit in the chairs and cheer for your favorite football faction. Although not terribly exciting, the cheer mongers offer a good distraction.

PS, I enjoyed your new-ish Apple commercial, ALMOST made me want to buy an Apple (possibly for a paper weight, door stop, coaster or something of the sort).


--Maxwell McLeod

tony said...

Apparently John Grisham keeps an arsenal of local fans on his compound for just such occasions.

You should pull some of your publishing connection strings and see if they can be borrowed.

He will then roll them down the big hill he lives on in the giant hamster balls they exercise in and none would be the wiser.

disco sleeze said...

I had never heard of a sangaree before, but I surely will be making one tonight. Though your link didn't work out when I clicked it, it did direct me to the wonderful CoctailDB where I could look up the recipe.

Alex said...

Illegal aliens will not be served. NO! NOT!

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