"...and so much other stuff that it is not even f#@king funny"

IT IS NOT MY HABIT to simply reproduce here, for your consumption, E-MAILS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED.

HOWEVER, I feel it is now time to give YOUR MAN DAVE HILL his due.

I ONCE WENT TO THIS PROGRAM and saw Dick Cavett there AND Rufus WAINWRIGHT.

NO JOKE.

AS WELL, I have appeared on the program as "a guest" and I can vouch for Dave's COURTESY, PROFESSIONALISM, SUPER-GENIUS, and GOOD TASTE IN BEEF JERKY.

BUT MORE THAN THIS, all humans must enjoy and appreciate the extraordinary, unique carny-barker/mental patient patois that Dave Hill has developed over the course of MANY E-MAILS, which for some reason, to my mind, reaches its APOTHEOSIS in the following missive.

Read on....

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

The Dave Hill Explosion/Thurs. Nov. 15/9:30pm/UCB Theatre (307 West 26th St. at 8th Ave.)/$5/With extra special guest Lady Bunny and maybe someone else in addition to her who is also really great

Attention People of New York City:

This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that on Thursday, November 15 at 9:30pm, I am going to be walking out on stage at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in historic Chelsea and giving what critics are already calling the performance of a lifetime and I am already calling the Dave Hill Explosion. Imagine if you combined the glitz of Elvis' '68 Comeback Special with the glamour and winning attitude of Diana Ross' legendary 1983 concert in Central Park and then took both of those things and mixed them with the '70's prison documentary "Scared Straight," a pack of matches, an ordinary can of hair spray, and anything that has ever happened at the Hayden Planetarium ever and you are starting to get the picture. In short, it is going to be just slightly better than "Stomp." Adding to the mayhem is the fact that I will have the legendary Lady Bunny (whom you know from the Comedy Central roast of Pamela Anderson, Wigstock, and so much other stuff that it is not even f#@king funny) on my show next week and possibly even another incredible guest besides her. And, of course, my trusty sidebitch Phil will be there to make sure the level of professionalism people have come come to expect for five dollars is retained throughout the performance. If you see just one show next week, please consider seeing a second and then totally coming to see my show. Ha! See how I did that? That is just one example of the kind of top-notch entertainment I will be breaking out next week without even trying. Honestly, even I don't know how I do it sometimes. And to think I have access to this sh*t 24 hours a day. It's a wonder I even manage to leave the house sometimes. Anyway, I really hope you can make it next week. I have a rare heart condition* and it would really mean a lot to me. You can totally get tickets right here.

Your man,
Dave Hill
www.davehillonline.com
*I love too much. Also, I have a baboon heart. But you knew that.

END QUOTED TEXT

That is all.

THE FURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

AS THIS APPEARED ON BOINGBOINGtv, then this is likely old news to those of you using the Internet.

STILL, it is astonishingly good filmmaking.

IF NOTHING ELSE, Ms. Shaneen deserves the damned nobel prize for incredibletude for coming up with the phrase: THE FURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

That is all.

YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW THIS, OF COURSE

Laugh-Out-Loud Cats #406
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW THAT THIS is the most important new daily comic strip since "LONELY BOY AND IMAGINARY TIGER."

BUT IT STRUCK ME today that Koford's "Laugh-Out-Loud Cats" is not just a daily comic, but specifically A SINGLE PANEL daily comic.

AND MORE SPECIFICALLY AND STRANGELY: a good one.

THIS, MY FRIENDS, is a bold innovation. Has Ape-Lad broken curse of PLUGGERS?*

(ONE MIGHT HAVE SAID the "Curse of Ziggy" or "Curse of Howard Huge," but that would be mean.)

(OR: ONE MIGHT HAVE SAID the "Curse of the Lockhorns." But I actually admire the sheer, misanthropic brio of those Lockhorns.)

(After all, it can't be easy to distill all the drunken, marital loathing of WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? and pour it all into a single, hate-filled funny pages panel day after day after day.

(Who would have thought THAT would work?)**

That is all.

*Hint: he has.

**Double hint: it's doesn't.

STILL ALIVE

THIS HAS SOMETHING to with the something.

SOME KIND of super orange game.

BUT YOU ARE YOUNG. You can figure out all the connections.

ALL I KNOW IS: it sounds beautiful.

That is all.

OPTIMISM

IS IT JUST ME, or do you agree that...

THIS INCREDIBLE "INTERNET VIDEO" IS AT LEAST HALF FULL?



HERE WE HAVE the marriage of the genius of GEORGE SAUNDERS with the genius of JESSE THORN

....plus the genius of PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE I KNOW OR WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.

YES: we are talking about PURE GENIUS POLYGAMY, plus puppets.

CAN YOU GUESS THE IDENTITY of the whole cast????

WELL, IF YOU GO TO JESSE'S BLOG, you don't have to!

That is all.

THANK YOU, TEENAGERS

BUT FOR THE LAST TIME, my book contains no information regarding Pharaohs ruling Germany.

That is all.

HOBO SUPER HERO

ACCORDING TO SEAN IN THE COMMENTS, there is now or was once a HOBO SUPER HERO.

PERSONALLY, I cannot tell if this is an authentic artifact of the past, or an inauthentic one.

PLEASE LOOK. ARE THERE ANY COMIC BOOK DATING EXPERTS WHO MIGHT AID ME?

That is all.

ROUND THE JUNGLE FIRE

updated to be much smaller and less shouty

also: for the record, i like neal pollack. i think his writing is funny and humane, and he is clearly the butt of all of his jokes. i never got why some people like to beat up on him so, and i really don't understand why they like to beat up on his four year old son--and not just beat up on him, but to do so in electro-print, where it will haunt all of us forever. but i guess that is their sad right. if you have no idea what i'm talking about, all the better.

now here again is the original posting about choo choos and those who adore them, but in tiny tiny letters.


ACTUAL PERSON Ryan Wilson writes in via electrono-mailograph with the following bulletin regarding WHAT IS HAPPENING IN RIVERHEAD, LONG ISLAND:

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

"I know this is short notice and you probably won't read this electronic mail until after the event has passed. However, I cannot allow this to go unnoticed by you (assuming you do not know about it):

"'The Railroad Museum of Long Island will host our 2nd Annual Twin Forks Folk Music Festival and Hobo Homecoming beginning Thursday evening, September 27 through Saturday evening, September 29, 2007. '"

END QUOTED TEXT

NOW IT IS TRUE THAT, DUE TO MY EXTREMELY LAZY E-MAIL READING HABITS, we have all missed last night's opening festivities (except for those who went to them).

APPARENTLY the chief event of last night involved Hobo King Redbird Express LIGHTING A FIRE.

However, PRESUMING THERE ARE STILL SOME PARTS OF RIVERHEAD NOT CONSUMED BY FIRE, there will be more festivities tonight:

a) "Banjo" Fred Starner hosting "A Folk Music Entertainment";
b) A special appearance by LUTHER THE JET
c) Performances by THE NATIONAL HOBO GOSPEL SINGERS, an organization I would not have predicted IN A MILLION YEARS.

WILL I ATTEND? No. Because I am currently too busy with the Mole-Men.

AND ALSO: I AM AFRAID OF FIRE.

BUT ALL OF THE DETAILS are listed above, and if you go, do take a photo and send it to me via electronic transmisso-gram.

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO PUT IT ON THE INTERNET FOR YOU.

That is all.

COURTESY: The Long Island Rail Road Museum for the image of a TRAIN with the words LONG ISLAND on it. See many more HERE.

APPARENTLY, I JUST GOT RICKRULED

p9230067.jpg
Originally uploaded by discretedaniel.

COURTESY TO "Discretedaniel" for this image, from Cambridge, MA, where APPARENTLY, sidewalk chalk is still very inexpensive.

That is all.

I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO POST THIS ABSOLUTELY AUTHENTIC IMAGE FOR A LONG TIME

BUT I AM ALWAYS failing.

THANK YOU, Elizabeth Connor, for this strange convergence.

(ACTUALLY, I suspect this is not a proper convergence but a mere, striking, strange, olde-timey coincidence).

OR MAYBE SOMEONE HAS JUST BEEN MESSING WITH THE TIME MACHINE AGAIN.

That is all.

RARE SHOE CHALKING

Hobo War on Viky's shoe
Originally uploaded by Get Euphemistic!.

I ASK YOU: who sits idly by and allows their shoe to be cryptically marked with chalk?

I ASK YOU.

That is all.

SECRET MESSAGES

Laugh-Out-Loud Cats #8
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

THANK YOU for calling my attention to this one.

THAT IS ALL.

THIS IS ALL I CARE ABOUT ANYMORE

Laugh-Out-Loud Cats #257
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

That is all.

FEAR NOT, LAD

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

WE SHALL MEET, though I will never set foot on a damned paddle of any damned PADDLEBOAT, no matter what amusing sound it makes.

THOSE DEVIL MACHINES WON'T TAKE ME DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF NO MAN MADE LAKE!

That is all.

GIVEN THE NUMBER OF COMMENTS MY LAST SNACKFOOD POST PROMPTED

Hobo Funnel Cake
Originally uploaded by Kodamakitty.

....I WOULD BE REMISS not to draw your kind attention to Kodamakitty's

"HOBO FUNNEL CAKE"

OF COURSE, THE IDEA that a hobo might mark the plate without taking the cake is absurd.

A HOBO ALWAYS TAKES THE CAKE

THAT IS, AFTER ALL, the origin of the term "takes the cake."

HOWEVER, I just had some of the best funnel cake of my life just last week, and this is A FINE, EXTRA-BRAIN-SHAPED SPECIMEN INDEED, and so I honor the serendipity and say...

THANK YOU

and

THAT IS ALL.

DID YOU PEOPLE ALL KNOW THAT PLANTERS CHEESE BALLS HAD BEEN DISCONTINUED?

AND WHY didn't you tell me?

That is all.

COURTESY CAPTAIN "JOY": RAGNAROK

YOU MAY THANK the mis-nomered Cpt. "Joy" of the western coast for this actual foreboding portent, involving squirrels, the Red "Sox," and Ragnarok.

AS REPORTED by the NY Times and confirmed by YALE UNIVERSITY.

Registration required? CHECK.

FOR THAT IS HOW THE NY TIMES DOES BUSINESS.

That is all.

BUMBERSHOOT

WHAT FINER CITY to catch both COULTON and the RUDE MECHANCALS' live production of REESIAN CLIP ART COMICS OF RAGE than Seattle?

NO FINER CITY, for that's where it's all happening.

Plus: MIRMAN, SCHAAL, REDD, m'er-f'ing CROWDED HOUSE?

COULD THIS BE THE GREATEST BUMBERSHOOT EVER?

End of rhetorical questions.

That is all.

HERE IS COULTON AT THE PAX EVENT

THE PAX EVENT apparently is a convention for thousands of decaying zombies.

I WISH I HAD BEEN THERE.

That is all.

SATISFIED?

THE PROPER SPELLING IS:

"Glennnn."

That is all.