Tuesday, October 31, 2006

CAT IN A LOBSTER SKIN SHAWL

You recall that old Tennessee Williams play, surely?

HAPPY HALLOW'S EVE


Hob-o-lantern
Originally uploaded by juco.
I am off to Columbus, OH now for television.

WATCH OUT FOR CANDY RAZORS

That is all.

APE-LAD GOES A LITTLE CRAZY WITH THE SUNRAYS


h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.
He must have a steady hand.

SPOOKY DAY, SPOOKY NIGHT

Here are some lanterns for your enjoyment.

THESE ARE NOT SUITABLY LIGHT SOURCES FOR MOST TASKS due to low light, rotting.

OTHERWISE, ENJOY

That is all.

Monday, October 30, 2006

HOBO-LANTERN 2


PA290042.gif
Originally uploaded by HoboGirl1.
TONIGHT is the very end of the tour for the paperback edition.

COME EXPERIENCE THE TEARS and LAUGHTER and FAKE TRIVIA this evening.

I DON'T KNOW where you're going.

BUT WE will be in Austin, at Book People, at 7PM.

UNTIL then,

That is all.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

OLE MISS BY DAMN


Hobe-O-Lantern
Originally uploaded by Phoole.
SADLY, Ole Miss was defeated by the Auburn Deadly White Tigers in yesterday's footballing, or so was reported to me.

BUT SOME SOLACE WAS HAD in the halls of Square Books, as several kind souls traveled to Oxford to visit with us, some from as far away as memphis, some bearing brandy and nutmeg.

(Thank you, RANDAL)

IT WAS A LOVELY TIME, and I am grateful for the company, some of whom invited me to search the moonlit swamps of nearby Taylor for that area's legendary swamp monster (pronounced, in Oxford, as "swamp booger.")

(Thank you, HANK, but no)

MANY DID NOT RECOGNIZE ME until I donned my signature Hawaiian print novelty visor, but after that, we had a very fine time before the brandy and the nutmeg disappeared, and it was on to the City Grocery for whiskey and fellowship and unexpected reunions.

TODAY we will rest quietly and visit some of Oxford's other fine groceries (Betty Davis and Taylor included), which, as you know, stock primarily the groceries known as "barbecue," "catfish," and "alcohol."

TOMORROW we shall move on to Austin and Book People, grateful and exhausted, to meet with you Texans.

MEANWHILE, enjoy this first of several Hobo-Lanterns to come.

That is all.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

FLIM FAM BIM BAM

THANK YOU, North Carolina, for all your kindnesses, your spicy crab cakes, and your traditional bag pipes.

ON TO OXFORD--see you soon, Oxonians. (Soon=4PM at Square Books).

AND THEN, on OCT 30 to AUSTIN, TX (Then=Oct 30, at Book People, at 7PM).

AND THEN, to Ohio for the Daily Show.

PLEASE NOTE THE PHOTO FOR IMPORTANT PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE FROM CPT JOY

That is all.

Friday, October 27, 2006

WHO THE HELL ARE WE? HEY!

TO ANSWER A QUESTION from the comments: YES

WE ARE STILL IN NEED OF NUTMEG ZOMBIES for tomorrow night's sangaree.

Also: we require NUTMEG GRATER ZOMBIES, and zombies for Brandy, Port, Ice, SYMPLE SYRUP and glassware/cups.

OR ELSE a nice place nearby where these ingredients may be found. Contact via the COMMENTS below.

IF YOU ARE CONFUSED, REMEMBER THIS.

That is all.

HOTTY TODDY, GOSH ALMIGHTY


Hobo pie, 10/22/06
Originally uploaded by photophonic.
TONIGHT, David Rees and I shall be at the Regulator in Durham, NC. 7PM

Jonathan Coulton will not be in attendance. He is flying back to Baltimore to sing at the National Science Writers/Feral Mountain Man Conference and will rejoin in Oxford, MS, for our 4PM event at SQUARE BOOKS.

SO I ASK YOU, OXONIANS: can one of your recommend the best and most convenient place to get the ingredients for several Brandy Sangarees?

That is all.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

HELL YES! DAMN RIGHT!

STARVED FOR BROADBAND stop

MAY LOSE SIGNAL ANY SECOND stop

UNC THIS AFTERNOON stop

REGULATOR IN DURHAM TOM'W NIGHT stop

OXFORD ON SAT AT 4PM IN THE SQUARE full stop


THAT IS ALL

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

THE SECRET SOCIETY SECTION


H in Sunrays.
Originally uploaded by Annie Matronic.
This comes from Annie of Baltimore.

NOTW the beautiful 5th floor Multipurpose room.

See you tonight at Chop Suey.

Look for me near the SECRET SOCIETIES section.

THAT IS ALL.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

MOE IN THE DISTRICT

THIS IS the title of my new sitcom idea.

DETAILS ARE SECRET

ALSO IT IS a true description of where John Moe is THIS VERY EVENING.

HIS BOOK IS very funny.

YOU SHOULD see him if you can, now or in the future.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006
WASHINGTON, D.C.
Barnes & Noble at Georgetown
3040 M St. N.W.
(202) 965-9880
7:30 p.m.

ARE YOU READY!!??

JUST A FEW CORRECTIONS FROM THE COMMENTS ON THE SUBJECT OF OXFORD AND FOOTBALL.

1. It is not "Oxfordians," but "Oxen"
2. It is not "Faulkner" but "Falkner"
3. It is not "The Auburn Fighting Footballers" but "The Eye of the Tigers"
4. It is not "Football" but a delightful semi-formal affair involving gracious men and women greeting you in the grove with smiles, whiskey, and chicken

Having been to Oxford before, I don't doubt it for a second.

LOOKING VERY MUCH FORWARD TO SEEING YOU ON SATURDAY, even if you are drunk and picky, I am

Jh

THAT IS ALL.

UNTIL THERE IS AN IMAGE FROM BALTIMORE


hinsunrayselliottbooks
Originally uploaded by ocdeegan.
Here is one from Seattle.

That is all.

Monday, October 23, 2006

TONIGHT: THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA; TOMORROW: RICHMOND; THEREAFTER: ELSEWHERE

LET ME SAY: as much as I made light of the 5th Floor Multipurpose Room at the Univ of Baltimore, the fact is it is truly a beautiful room, with great floor-to-ceiling windows looking out over the Charm City, amazing mechanized curtains, and a truly lovely non-mechanized audience who tempted me to speak my mind on SCIENTOLOGY.

BUT I RESISTED.

AS YOU KNOW, tonight COULTON, REES, and I will be at the Warehouse Theater of the District of Columbia.

IF YOU FIND THIS EVENT INCONVENIENT OR TOO CROWDED, may I recommend a visit tomorrow night to CHOP SUEY BOOKS of Richmond, VA.

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: I do not know if REES will do the time travel bit at either of these events.

BUT I HOPE SO.

Meanwhile, THOSE WASHINGTONIANS who asked for my opinion on "Lost" may find it, finally, here.


That is all.

Friday, October 20, 2006

HEY THERE, SPORTS LOATHERS!


FIRST, see you tonight (Monday) in Baltimore.

NOW, a little matter regarding THE FUTURE.

AS YOU MAY KNOW, Coulton and I will be visiting Square Books in Oxford, Mississippi this Saturday, Oct 28, at 4PM.

NOW IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION that, in addition to being a lovely, leafy, whiskey-soaked town, final resting place of the corpse of William Faulkner, and seat of Lafayette County, OXFORD ADDITIONALLY ENJOYS SPORTS

Especially: OLE MISS FOOTBALL.

IN FACT, there will be a FOOTBALL CHALLENGE that very morning between the Ole Miss Rebels and the Auburn Fierce Footballers, or whatever they are called.

(I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT SPORTS.)

WHAT THIS MEANS, according to the very kind staff Square Books is as follows...

A) Everyone in town will be drunk.
B) After the game, it is hard to say who will want to come to a 4PM reading of FAKE TRIVIA.
C) But we should come on down anyway and hang out and have a drink.

LISTEN: this all sounds fine to me.

HOWEVER, it occurs to me that there may in fact be some people in Oxford, in greater Mississippi , and even Southern Tennessee who do not love sports and might enjoy this non-sporting event.

FOR THEM, I offer the humble alternative: fake trivia, and fellowship, and also BRANDY.

FOR IN FACT, though I am useless at sports, I do like the drunk part. And so, Coulton and I have agreed to serve at this particular reading a BRANDY SANGAREE to all legal persons in attendance.

A SANGAREE, as you surely know, is a reviver, a pick-me-up, a transitional drink from one intoxication to the other, providing a perfect 4PM brandy twilight from the boozy morning tailgaiting to the late night rowdyness that is sure to follow.

SURELY THIS IS AN OFFER EVEN A SPORTSMAN CANNOT DENY!

SO I ASK OF YOU, friends in the South and on the Internet, please spread word of this affair to your non-sporting friends and let them know a Sangaree awaits them in the beautiful town square.

AND OF YOU, Oxfordians, I ask you to forgive us for being different and asthmatic and strange: a Sangaree awaits you as well, should you wish to rest your Rebel head for a moment atop a pile of books full of words.

LET US JOIN TOGETHER for once, and show the world that there can be peace between these two tribes, PEACE THROUGH BRANDY, and FAKE TRIVIA.

AND THEN everyone can buy books and get on with their lives.

AS THE WEEK GOES ON, I will occasionally remind you of this event, and maybe ask for some help with getting all the brandy and nutmeg together.

FOR NOW, though, I leave you with a particularly poetic bit of copy from the Square Books events page:

"THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS"

which is to say

THAT IS ALL


CHARM CITY


Painting Class II.
Originally uploaded by Annie Matronic.
AS YOU KNOW, Monday begins our self-driven, southward tour of the Mid-Atlantic.

ALONG THE WAY, Coulton and I will be joined by David Rees all the way to North Carolina.

FIRST STOP: BALTIMORE, specifically:

THE FIFTH FLOOR MULTIPURPOSE ROOM in the Student Center of the University of Baltimore.

I CANNOT TELL YOU how long I have waited to play this legendary venue.

THE FIFTH FLOOR MULTIPURPOSE ROOM, MA! I MADE IT!

IN SERIOUS TONES, we love the Charm City, and our event at UBALT was one of our very favorites, and so we yearn again to see you there, at 7PM, for free.

MORE TOUR INFORMATION and photographs will follow. This one comes courtesy of Charm Citizen Annie, who has a secret message.

That is all.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

PHOTO FUN QUIZ


Leaving a tip
Originally uploaded by Kodamakitty.
Look at this picture.

NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES.

Without peeking, answer this question:

WHICH IS OLDER? THE KETCHUP "AUX TOMATES" or SHOPSY'S?

????????????

A: It is impossible to say, because your eyes are closed, and so you never read the question.

Thank you Kodamakitty.

THAT IS ALL.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

AND AFTER THAT, THE TEEN MYSTERY SOLVING CLUB WERE NEVER SEEN AGAIN

NOT ONLY did Penelope Jonze discover strange markings in the abandoned school, but she also apparently deployed the club on an expedition to an abandoned amusement park.

WHICH, AS YOU KNOW, is for me, the VERY SCARIEST THING EVER.

(Click on the photo IF YOU DARE for further evidence).

GOOD LUCK TEEN MYSTERY SOLVING CLUB, wherever you are...

That is all.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

MAXIMUM FUN


IF YOU HAVE NOT already subscribed to the radio/pod program THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA, it is not too late to miss the conversation between me, COULTON, and Jesse Thorn on the subject of COULTON'S BETRAYAL OF ME AND MY CATS.

YOU SHOULD ALSO follow Jesse's advice and subscribe to those Kaspar Hauser fellows. Their PHONE CALL TO THE 14th CENTURY is brilliant, and what's more, THEY ARE NOT ACTUALLY FERAL CHILDREN.

Jesse is also a member of PRANK THE DEAN, who come to the Fake Gallery on Melrose TONIGHT (tuesday Oct 17) at 9PM, hosted by Chris Hardwick.

According to the one-sheet, reservations ARE URGED: 323-661-0786

AND I AGREE

That is all.

Monday, October 16, 2006

WINTER HAT AND BRANDY


for cold weather.JPG
Originally uploaded by captain joy.
COULTON and I will be resting quietly in our respective homes for a spell...

AND THEN NEXT WEEK, we shall travel south by car, with DAVID REES for a reprise of our well attended MID-ATLANTIC TOUR, including

The University of BALTIMORE (Oct 23)
The Warehouse Theater of THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (Oct 24)
Chop Suey books of RICHMOND, VA (Oct 25)
The Bull's Head Bookshop of CHAPEL HILL (Oct 26)
DURHAM'S own Regulator (Oct 27--NO COULTON DUE TO HIS BETRAYAL)

thereafter REES will return home and COULTON and I will soldier on...

TO OXFORD, MS and Square Books (Oct 28. Yes, THAT IS THE EVENING OF THE AUBURN GAME so we desperately require some anti-footballites to come visit us!)

and

TO AUSTIN, TX and Book People (Oct 30. Will there be football? ONLY TIME AND DREADFUL FATE WILL TELL).

Meanwhile, stay tuned for more of the SLY WIT SO LOVED BY CANADIANS.

And thank you. Thank you.

THAT IS ALL.

(cpt. Joy again gets credit for the photo)

Sunday, October 15, 2006

HELLO, CANADIANS

I hope this is sly enough for you.

I am sorry COULTON and I are not coming to your country to promote my book. I hope you will keep buying it with your government book allowance money, however.

That is all.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

ALAS FOR JOY


TEARS OF THE HOBO KILLER.jpg
Originally uploaded by captain joy.
ALAS, Cpt. Joy, who submitted this incredible image of anti-joy, but...

WE CANNOT ATTEND THE SHANTY SINGING CONTEST in Oakland after the reading tonight.

IT IS TOO FAR AWAY, I fear, from our home location of

CODY'S (not in Berkeley, but in San Francisco)

TONIGHT at 7pm

ALAS! ALAS! For as you know, I love a shanty.

BUT IT CANNOT BE HELPED.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

SEATTLE

PLEASE FORGIVE my tardiness.

COULTON and I will be at Elliott Bay Books in one and one half hours (7:30PM).

COULTON will be leaving early to make his own show at the JEWELBOX theater at the RENDEZVOUS.

RENDEZVOUS with either of us at either location or both.

Thank you MERLIN for the stiletto.

THAT IS ALL.

Monday, October 09, 2006

HOBO BROWNIES


DSCN1992
Originally uploaded by heyjupiter.
Courtesy "HEYJUPITER" on Flickr.

AS IS TRADITIONAL, they are made with hallucinogenic wood alcohol.

TONIGHT, OF COURSE, Coulton and I will be appearing at BOOK SOUP on the Sunset Strip.

THIS WILL OCCUR at 7PM, free of charge.

THEN COULTON WILL ONCE AGAIN ABANDON ME and go to his own gig at The Temple Bar in Santa Monica.

THIS WILL OCCUR at 9:45PM.

That is all.

Friday, October 06, 2006

33 SECRET! SECRET! OK!


h in sunrays @ 33
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.
THANK YOU, A-Lad, for following the instructions the internet gave you and finally capturing an image of the fabled and very very SECRET Club 33.

SOMEDAY I wish to go.

BUT TONIGHT I shall enjoy another dream, to stand on the stage of the Fitzgerald Theater along with COULTON and Mr. NEAL POLLACK at 8PM, courtesy MPR.

TICKETS may be purchased.

THANK YOU, meanwhile, Philadelphia and Amy Sedaris and David Rees for a perfect evening.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

LARGE PRINT LITERARY CRITICISM


H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by NoodleGuy1.
LAST NIGHT we read in the LARGE PRINT/LITERARY CRITICISM section of the Harry Schwartz bookstore, in Milwaukee's BAYVIEW district.

AS YOU CAN SEE, it turned my hand invisible.

TONIGHT, we visit the BORDERS of Ann Arbor, MI, which as you know is BORDERS NUMBER ONE, the very first Borders store, first discovered by 1824 by Elisha Rumsey, though experts suggest it hewn from a single, massive boulder many centuries ago, probably by giants.

Here are the details you may require.

TOMORROW NIGHT: we join AMY SEDARIS and DAVID REES in Philadelphia for the 215.

THANK YOU, meanwhile, NoodleGuy1 (as the first NoodleGuy, he is also hewn from a single massive boulder), for the photo.

THAT IS ALL

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

MALORT


I HAD MANY INQUIRIES regarding the strange, Chicago-native quaff that unhinged our presentation last night at the excellent SECOND CITY ETC stage.

It is MALORT, and it is not made up.

(As the great Martin D and Doc Cocktail have verified).

I first discovered this bitter/herbal/murderous alcoholic potion years ago at a LITTLE GRAY BOOK LECTURE on the subject of the fictional city of Chicago.

It was PLEASANT to be re-acquainted with it last night, especially in front of such a fine audience, until it became UNPLEASANT.

But the audience and fine people of the 2nd City STAYED PLEASANT THROUGHOUT, and for their adventurous spirit and friendly nature, I AM GRATEFUL.

(Special thanks to smarty-pants Joceylyn and Chicagoist for the Malort-ology link).

Milwaukee is glorious bright and blue today. The lager rivers are really shining in the sunlight. I look forward to seeing the Milwaukee-ans at Harry Schwartz's, 7PM, in Bayview.

To the rest of you: THAT IS ALL.

THANK YOU CHICAGO, AND FAREWELL


H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by PhineasX.
Now we fly (FLY!) to Milwaukee....

Tuesday, October 3
MILWAUKEE, WI
Harry W. Schwartz Bookshop (Bay View)
2262 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.
(414) 481-3401
7:00 p.m.

Thank you, Phineas.

THAT IS ALL.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

MONDAY NIGHT: SECOND CITY


Thank you, Tom Deja, for this...

WHAT IS THIS STRANGE IMPLEMENT?


09-27-06_2012
Originally uploaded by disco.sleeze.
I AM MYSTIFIED by this green dial. Can anyone, perhaps its original documentor, explain it to me?

MEANWHILE, IF YOU ARE ANYWHERE NEAR CHICAGO, allow me to remind that COULTON and I will make a rare DAYLIGHT appearance today at 2PM at

BORDERS #101

which is located at 2817 North Clark Street, in LINCOLN PARK

which they say is part of CHICAGO.

That is all.