Friday, December 28, 2007

CHEEK VANDALISM


H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by cbgbrocker22.
This poor woman.

That is all.

Friday, December 21, 2007

NOT TO BE SLAVISH

BUT I MUST GO with BoingBoing on this one:



That is all.

I WILL SOON BE DIALING-UP

I WILL SOON spend a week or so on the dial-up modem, so "posting" to this imitation blog may be EXTRA-SPORADIC for a bit.

PLEASE EVERYONE: have a safe and joyous end to this Gregorian calendar year.

AND THANK YOU ALWAYS: for your kind attention.

That is all for now.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN DOWN


AND "GAUNTLET" is a bingo.

WON'T YOU PLEASE JOIN US on January 19th at 826NYC in Brooklyn for the upcoming

SCRABBLE FOR CHEATERS?


AT WHICH the renowned and goodhearted tutoring center/superhero supply company hosts a SCRABBLE COMPETITION featuring many teams, including one composed of:

1) ME
2) the foreigner, JOHN OLIVER

THE CHEATING PART can be explained thusly: in order to raise money for the 826NYC organization (A GOOD CAUSE), you people of the internet and beyond are asked to

BUY "CHEATS" for the team of your choice.

SUCH CHEATS include:
  1. Trade out a letter—$25
  2. Wheel of Fortune: buy a vowel—$50
  3. Flip a letter over and make it blank—$100
  4. Add 10 to any letter’s value—$150
  5. Add Q, Z, or X to any word, anywhere—$200
  6. Passport: play a word in any language—$250
  7. Consult the dictionary for one turn—$300
  8. Consult the Scrabble word list for one turn—$400
  9. Reject another team’s word—$450
  10. Invent a word (must have a definition)—$500

NOW, AS JACKIE MCLEOD AND KIERA KNOW, I am normally very strict about the rules of SCRABBLE.

HOWEVER I MAKE AN EXCEPTION IN THIS CASE and urge you to buy some cheats for Oliver so that he can spell words incorrectly like "HONOUR" and "COLOUR" and "GAOL" and "GIRAUFFE" and feel at home, at last.

OR ALTERNATELY, form or join your own team and START GUNNING FOR US.

SO WON'T YOU PLEASE help us cheat?

That is all.

Monday, December 17, 2007

>H<


>H
Originally uploaded by Jef Poskanzer.
GREETINGS JEF Poksanzer...

I AM ALWAYS grateful for photos to post here of...

DRIFTWOOD SCULPTURES
IMITATION DOGS
FISHING SCENES
ILLUMED Hs

AND THIS PHOTO meets all of those requirements.

THAT IS ALL.

Friday, December 14, 2007

A HOLIDAY/JURY DUTY MIRACLE


FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO RECALL my Jury Duty sojourn of LAST JUNE,

YOU MAY BE INTERESTED TO KNOW that I recently received an e-mail from "WALTER," the irascible (seriously: HE WAS NOT RASCIBLE) jury pool clerk I admired so much then AND NOW:

(BEGIN quoted text)

"Hello and Thanks-

My girlfriend googled my name a while back and your .blog report on jury service came up and she read it and smiled and gave me a kiss-so thanks.

Hope your strike ends soon and you and your fellow workers come out on top or nearer to top than when you started.
take care,walter"

(END quoted text)

FROM WALTER'S ELECTRONIC MOUTH to the writers' and producers' ears.

THAT IS ALL.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I RECUSE MYSELF


I AM NOT ONE TO POST a lot of photos of myself.

BUT WHEN PEOPLE WORK SO HARD to make me look so judge-like, I have to acknowledge their hard work...

HERE ARE MORE interpretations of my painfully-occasional role as "Judge John Hodgman" for the wonderfully-weekly podcast "JORDAN, JESSE, GO!"*

LOOK, LISTEN, and you be the judge.

I TRUST YOUR SENTENCE WILL BE: "awesome."

That is all.


*Notice I added the Oxford Comma.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHO AM I?

THE FACT THAT Paul Reubens is considering bringing back the character of P-W Herman in a new movie is welcome news, for I trust you all agree:

PAUL REUBENS IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

THAT SAID, the beautiful, mind-twisting fact that Pee Wee might be played by Johnny Depp only serves to prove once again:

I AM NOT MAKING UP FAKE FACTS FAST ENOUGH.

That is all.

"EMILY, YOU'RE FAMOUS TOO NOW..."

SORRY TO BE ABSENT, but I have blood and lymph draining from my ear!

(THEY TELL ME the blogs need to be personal, so there is your EAR INFECTION UPDATE of the day. I trust you're happy).

MEANWHILE, due to the intense pain and eardrum-bursting, I missed this, THOUGH I AM SURE YOU DID NOT:

COULTON vs. EMILY in ST. CHICAGO:



WHICH IS ODDER?

THIS, or Coulton being casually name-checked by NEIL GAIMAN?

OR OPTION "C": blood and lymph draining from my left ear?

VOTE NOW.

That is all.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

ALAN FROM THE COMMENTS provides an actual interrobang.

SWEET NITPICKING ALAN!

(with actual gratitude)

That is all.

INTERROBANG

DID ANYONE ELSE notice that Anne Helmond's photograph of the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co. from yesterday happens to include A MAN WITH AN EYE-PATCH?

!?

That is all.

Friday, December 07, 2007

AIGA AUCTION THIS SUNDAY, PLUS "POTTS"


SURELY SOME OF YOU HAVE WONDERED, who is the super-genius who designed not only the interior, but also the exterior, of your book, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE?

WELL, YOU CAN UPDATE THAT WIKIPEDIA page, for the answer is:

The renowned graphic artist SAM POTTS.

MOST OF YOU know him from The Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co., in the superhero supply district of Brooklyn, where Sam designed not only the awning but ALL of the original product labels, including BREATHABLE WATER and APPREHENDED BLOB.

SOME OF YOU may even recall Sam from his genial money-taking days at the front of the house at the old Little Gray Book lectures (which will not return this year, but maybe next).

I PERSONALLY recall him from Mr. Koestenbaum's Photo 1 class.

NOW HERE'S the new thing Sam has got me into:

THIS SUNDAY EVENING, at the big AIGA/NY dance party/annual ball, Sam and I will be auctioning off BEAUTIFUL ITEMS OF SIGNIFICANCE.


$20-35 (DEPENDING) gets you the CHANCE to bid on...

!: 2 REJECTED BOOK JACKETS BY CHIP KIDD!

!: A TOUR OF THE PHILIP JOHNSON GLASS HOUSE

!?: A MYSTERIOUS BOX OF MYSTERIES

...among other fascinating artifacts of functional design...

PLUS: the CERTAINTY of dancing and drinking wine in a beautiful room!

ALL PROCEEDS benefit the AIGA, which I am guessing stands for the American Institute of Graphic Artists*, a professional organization which I believe buys nutritious fonts for needy graphic designers**.

ALL DETAILS of the event may be found here.

Perhaps I will see you there?

That is all.

(IMAGE COURTESY: Anne Helmond)

(*I WAS RIGHT! Good symbolic information management in action!)

(**I WAS WRONG!)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

MELLIE FROM ATLANTA ASKS...


MELLIE FROM ATLANTA WRITES TO ASK....

"I'm hosting a holiday party for a bunch of my alcoholic friends and I
would love to impress them by serving BRANDY SANGREES which I have
read about on your site and sound quite tasty. I cannot find a recipe for them via google and hope that you can provide this information, or did you make this up?"

WORRY NOT, "Mellie" and her alcoholic friends. The drink mentioned is very real, but unfortunately I wrote it wrong/drunk: it is spelled...

BRANDY SANGAREE

This is but ONE OF MANY "SANGAREES" (including gin and ale), and it dates back to the very first cocktail book of any note, the liquid bible of every fine mixologist, JERRY THOMAS' (sic) BARTENDER'S GUIDE.

MY FIRST GOOGLE turns up this supposedly faithful reprinting: a drink so simple as to be RUDIMENTARY...

(BEGIN quoted text)

BRANDY SANGAREE

(Use medium bar-glass.)
Take ½ teaspoonful of fine white sugar dissolved in a little water.
1 wine-glass of brandy.

Fill the glass one-third full of shaved ice, shake up well, strain into a small glass and dash a little Port wine on top. Serve with a little grated nutmeg.

(END quoted text).

BUT as this recipe comes from the INTERNET and is probably POISONED BY VIRUSES, why not to turn to the source, or the best version available thereof?...

DAVID WONDRICH'S wonderful annotation of the "The Thomas Manuscript," recently and beautifully published under the worthy imperative: IMBIBE!

SURELY THIS MAKES AS FINE A HOLIDAY GIFT as any of the Sangarees--brandy, gin, or ale?

AND SURELY IT MAKES A FINER GIFT than the Dalmatian Blood Sangaree, because WONDRICH is a national treasure and HIS BOOK IS NOT DISGUSTING.

If you have any other HOLIDAY GIFT OR ETIQUETTE questions, I encourage you to send them to me via electronic mail or via the comments.

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY, PLEASE.

That is all.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

BE OF GOOD CHEER


Hobo Chrismoose
Originally uploaded by Kodamakitty.
HERE IS AN EXTREMELY SHINY wooden moose, courtesy Kodamakitty.

PLUS A HIDDEN MESSAGE.

MEANWHILE, if you live in or near NYC, please add this to your calendar. I cannot attend, alas, but it will be a GOOD SHOW for a WORTHY CAUSE.

(BEGIN quoted text)

WRITE-AID
A COMEDY BENEFIT FOR (STRIKING) WRITERS

ADVANCE TICKETS - $20
DAY OF SHOW TICKETS - $25

Jonesing for your favorite comedy shows? No worries -- Comix has teamed up with the Writers Guild of America, East and assembled an all-star lineup of scribes from your favorite (currently blacked-out) shows!

Join us as Andy Borowitz (CNN, National Public Radio, The New Yorker, creator of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"), Brian Kiley ("Late Night with Conan O'Brien"), Laurie Kilmartin ("The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson"), Bill Scheft ("Late Show with David Letterman"), Brian Stack ("Late Night with Conan O'Brien"), and others put down the picket signs and pick up the mike for a night of "anything goes" comedy.

Portion of proceeds go to WGAE Strike Fund. PLUS, discounted tickets for all WGA members! Simply present your WGA card at the Box Office to receive $5.00 off admission.

COMIX is located at 343 West 14th Street at 9th Avenue.

(END quoted text)

THAT IS ALL.