THIS PHOTOGRAPH makes me wish to eat.*
LUCKILY, I will be in New Orleans next week. For more information, you should naturally turn to the Times-Picayune
COURTESY: Sutton Hoo.
THAT IS ALL.
*and cry
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
His family said his only real hobby was UFOs.
THIS STORY FROM THE GUARDIAN IS EXCEEDINGLY BIZARRE and sad as well.
I HOPE THE YOUNG AMNESIAC IS OK but I also startle at how each detail of his story, even the structure of the newspaper story itself, feels like it was lifted from the first chapter of some aiport horror novel from the 70s.
SURELY there must be some German word for the creeping weirdness of life imitating bad genre fiction.
THAT IS ALL.
I HOPE THE YOUNG AMNESIAC IS OK but I also startle at how each detail of his story, even the structure of the newspaper story itself, feels like it was lifted from the first chapter of some aiport horror novel from the 70s.
SURELY there must be some German word for the creeping weirdness of life imitating bad genre fiction.
THAT IS ALL.
Friday, March 23, 2007
EVIDENCE: FRIED ITEM X
NO ARCHIVE ONLINE SEEMED TO EXIST, so I had to dig into the paper files.
That is all.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
FROM THE COMMENTS, APE-LAD REMINDS
FROM THE COMMENTS, Ape Lad reminds us all of his fancy plate of deep fried Oreos.
Such presentation! But why didn't they add a pound of cream cheese?
That is all.
Such presentation! But why didn't they add a pound of cream cheese?
That is all.
WHAT YOU HAVE HERE IS BASICALLY A DOODLE DOG
WHAT YOU HAVE HERE is basically a classic "pig-in-a-blanket" from the Yankee Doodle Diner of New Haven, CT...
(WHICH IS A HOT DOG, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, and fried--a complete redefinition of the term "pig-in-a-blanket" down to every word and hyphen)...
...THAT HAS THEN BEEN DEEP FRIED.
COURTESY: the mad geniuses at the Seattle Stranger (thank you, Dan Savage) and to good ole LOOKA! for the alert.
I ADMIRE THIS KIND OF THINKING, and indeed I indulged in it myself once, long ago. Which got me to thinking: why didn't my invention, the deep-fried White Castle burger, having premiered in Men's Journal, A NATIONAL MAGAZINE, in August 2003, ever catch on?
IMAGINE MY HEARTSTOPPING, DEEP FRIED SURPRISE when I learned that AS OF JUST TWO DAYS AGO, it finally had.
LOOK: I don't wish to take away from the accomplishments of "the [non-mad] geniuses of the independent league's Gateway Grizzlies."
FOR STRANGER COINCIDENCES OF INSPIRATION have happened many times before. And it's probably likely the idea of deep frying a White Castle was dreamed long before my time here: frankly, the idea was inevitable.
STILL, I NOW UNDERSTAND, IN A SMALL WAY, THE PAIN of the man who invented the deep fried twinkie, only to watch the credit be assigned to countless state fair deep-fry technicians around the country.
BUT MAINLY: I am just glad the idea is out there.
Finally....
That is all.
(WHICH IS A HOT DOG, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, and fried--a complete redefinition of the term "pig-in-a-blanket" down to every word and hyphen)...
...THAT HAS THEN BEEN DEEP FRIED.
COURTESY: the mad geniuses at the Seattle Stranger (thank you, Dan Savage) and to good ole LOOKA! for the alert.
I ADMIRE THIS KIND OF THINKING, and indeed I indulged in it myself once, long ago. Which got me to thinking: why didn't my invention, the deep-fried White Castle burger, having premiered in Men's Journal, A NATIONAL MAGAZINE, in August 2003, ever catch on?
IMAGINE MY HEARTSTOPPING, DEEP FRIED SURPRISE when I learned that AS OF JUST TWO DAYS AGO, it finally had.
LOOK: I don't wish to take away from the accomplishments of "the [non-mad] geniuses of the independent league's Gateway Grizzlies."
FOR STRANGER COINCIDENCES OF INSPIRATION have happened many times before. And it's probably likely the idea of deep frying a White Castle was dreamed long before my time here: frankly, the idea was inevitable.
STILL, I NOW UNDERSTAND, IN A SMALL WAY, THE PAIN of the man who invented the deep fried twinkie, only to watch the credit be assigned to countless state fair deep-fry technicians around the country.
BUT MAINLY: I am just glad the idea is out there.
Finally....
That is all.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
EVIDENCE OF MY ABSENCE
I HAVE BEEN away. This is obvious to anyone, but proof of it may be found here.
BUT HERE IS THE ONLY PART OF THE STORY THAT MATTERS:
"The only way that this night could be more perfect is if I ran into Alan Moore, pan handling for money outside of Canter's. I would ask him: "Why are you pan handling outside of Canter's, Alan Moore?" and his answer would simply be "Magick." This would make unbelievable sense to me and I would give him a twenty dollar bill."
THANKS, Elan, for contacting me via "myspace." Sometimes myspace is very good. It does, after all, offer this (also via Elan).
BUT I NEED TO ESTABLISH A NEW MYSPACE POLICY, AND IT IS: no more myspace.
IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IS HAVING FUN THERE, but as I am old and slow and unable to keep up even with this simple tickertape machine, it feels unfair to let those poor people on myspace to go unanswered for so long.
I ACTUALLY TRIED TO DELETE THAT PAGE about a month ago. But now I will take a week to tell those poor souls and you people that ALL INTERNET CONTACT SHALL NOW OCCUR EXCLUSIVELY HERE.
With a side dabbling in Flickr.
AND TO THOSE PATIENT PEOPLE who defaced their books and sent in hobo nickels, I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU. I have all your letters, and you will be hearing from me, IN THE FUTURE.
That is all.
BUT HERE IS THE ONLY PART OF THE STORY THAT MATTERS:
"The only way that this night could be more perfect is if I ran into Alan Moore, pan handling for money outside of Canter's. I would ask him: "Why are you pan handling outside of Canter's, Alan Moore?" and his answer would simply be "Magick." This would make unbelievable sense to me and I would give him a twenty dollar bill."
THANKS, Elan, for contacting me via "myspace." Sometimes myspace is very good. It does, after all, offer this (also via Elan).
BUT I NEED TO ESTABLISH A NEW MYSPACE POLICY, AND IT IS: no more myspace.
IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IS HAVING FUN THERE, but as I am old and slow and unable to keep up even with this simple tickertape machine, it feels unfair to let those poor people on myspace to go unanswered for so long.
I ACTUALLY TRIED TO DELETE THAT PAGE about a month ago. But now I will take a week to tell those poor souls and you people that ALL INTERNET CONTACT SHALL NOW OCCUR EXCLUSIVELY HERE.
With a side dabbling in Flickr.
AND TO THOSE PATIENT PEOPLE who defaced their books and sent in hobo nickels, I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU. I have all your letters, and you will be hearing from me, IN THE FUTURE.
That is all.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Sunday, March 04, 2007
HIGH FIVE: THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA COMES TO (W)NYC
IF YOU LIVE ON OR NEAR THE ISLAND OF "MANHATTAN," please do tune your FM radio to 93.9, also known as WNYC
AND THEN LISTEN to The Sound of Young America....
A PUBLIC RADIO SHOW ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME
AS IT MAKES ITS DEBUT on the New York air.
TONIGHT at 6PM
IF YOU DO NOT LIVE NEAR NY but do live near the internet, why not stop by WNYC.org, and give them this message:
"I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BROADCASTING THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA ON THE RADIO EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT AT 6PM THAT I AM SENDING YOUR STATION TEN DOLLARS."
I'm going to do it. WON'T YOU?
MEANWHILE, please do click on the photo to view and join TSOYA's long-overdue and very welcome FLICKR GROUP OF PEOPLE HIGH FIVING EACH OTHER, THEMSELVES, AND ANIMALS.
That is all.
AND THEN LISTEN to The Sound of Young America....
A PUBLIC RADIO SHOW ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME
AS IT MAKES ITS DEBUT on the New York air.
TONIGHT at 6PM
IF YOU DO NOT LIVE NEAR NY but do live near the internet, why not stop by WNYC.org, and give them this message:
"I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BROADCASTING THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA ON THE RADIO EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT AT 6PM THAT I AM SENDING YOUR STATION TEN DOLLARS."
I'm going to do it. WON'T YOU?
MEANWHILE, please do click on the photo to view and join TSOYA's long-overdue and very welcome FLICKR GROUP OF PEOPLE HIGH FIVING EACH OTHER, THEMSELVES, AND ANIMALS.
That is all.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Thursday, March 01, 2007
POLLACK v. BROOKS
I REGRET I am so late in noting Neal Pollack's thoughtful reply to David Brooks's unthoughtful rant-yelled-from-porch-at-passing-teenagers of last Sunday's New York Times.
BETWEEN NEAL AND STEVEN JOHNSON, I think the discrediting of Brooks's book-cover-judgment and unprovoked attack upon Neal's son's unpretentious name is complete, so I will add no further comment other than to ask...
DID DAVID BROOKS ACTUALLY USE THE TERM "jump the shark?" I am afraid to go back and look, for fear it will cause my eyes to burn up in their sockets and 1000 stars across the galaxy to instantly collapse.
AND THAT IS NOT HOW I WANT TO SPEND MY DAY
(Courtesy, once again, to Sugarfreak for the still-haunting image of nealbaby.)
That is all.
BETWEEN NEAL AND STEVEN JOHNSON, I think the discrediting of Brooks's book-cover-judgment and unprovoked attack upon Neal's son's unpretentious name is complete, so I will add no further comment other than to ask...
DID DAVID BROOKS ACTUALLY USE THE TERM "jump the shark?" I am afraid to go back and look, for fear it will cause my eyes to burn up in their sockets and 1000 stars across the galaxy to instantly collapse.
AND THAT IS NOT HOW I WANT TO SPEND MY DAY
(Courtesy, once again, to Sugarfreak for the still-haunting image of nealbaby.)
That is all.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
VERY FAINT, BUT THEY ARE THERE
CURRENTLY RE-ENTERING the internet.
DURING RE-ACCLIMATION PROCESS, please note these simple sightings that I missed last week....
A) DARNIELLE talking about horror movies.
B) QUICKSTOP's take on the immortality of game show hosts and lego Match Game.
C) COULTON talking to Merlin. NOTE: NOT AS WIZARDLY AS YOU MIGHT INITIALLY THINK, but very productive.
INVESTIGATE, I say, INVESTIGATE.
That is all.
DURING RE-ACCLIMATION PROCESS, please note these simple sightings that I missed last week....
A) DARNIELLE talking about horror movies.
B) QUICKSTOP's take on the immortality of game show hosts and lego Match Game.
C) COULTON talking to Merlin. NOTE: NOT AS WIZARDLY AS YOU MIGHT INITIALLY THINK, but very productive.
INVESTIGATE, I say, INVESTIGATE.
That is all.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
THE SECRET DEATH OF LOBSTERS
APPARENTLY THERE ARE MORE THAN 45 WAYS to kill a lobster.
HERE ARE TWO MORE OF THEM, courtesy THE SECRET LIFE OF LOBSTERS via BOING BOING, including the device pictured, the Avure HPP.
THE LOBSTER is placed in the chamber, along with water, a substance that the lobster knows well and feels very comfortable in.
THEN THE PRESSURE BEGINS, and the lobster's old pal "water" suddenly becomes its greatest enemy, as the water pressure grows to three times that found at the greatest depths of the ocean.
TO PARAPHRASE C-3P0, THE LOBSTER SHOULD BE QUITE WELL PROTECTED, should it survive the process, that is.
ACTUALLY, NO: the lobster not only dies, but conveniently for all but the lobster, the process has the added benefit of instantly separating its delicious raw flesh from its disgusting, hateful shell.
THUS ALLOWING, for the first time, a raw lobster to be shucked while still disgustingly whole.
THIS IS THE METHOD WHOLE FOODS HAS CHOSEN to humanely kill the lobsters it will sell.
BUT NATURALLY THE NUTCRACKER INDUSTRY IS UP IN ARMS, as well as the Boiling Council.
That is all.
HERE ARE TWO MORE OF THEM, courtesy THE SECRET LIFE OF LOBSTERS via BOING BOING, including the device pictured, the Avure HPP.
THE LOBSTER is placed in the chamber, along with water, a substance that the lobster knows well and feels very comfortable in.
THEN THE PRESSURE BEGINS, and the lobster's old pal "water" suddenly becomes its greatest enemy, as the water pressure grows to three times that found at the greatest depths of the ocean.
TO PARAPHRASE C-3P0, THE LOBSTER SHOULD BE QUITE WELL PROTECTED, should it survive the process, that is.
ACTUALLY, NO: the lobster not only dies, but conveniently for all but the lobster, the process has the added benefit of instantly separating its delicious raw flesh from its disgusting, hateful shell.
THUS ALLOWING, for the first time, a raw lobster to be shucked while still disgustingly whole.
THIS IS THE METHOD WHOLE FOODS HAS CHOSEN to humanely kill the lobsters it will sell.
BUT NATURALLY THE NUTCRACKER INDUSTRY IS UP IN ARMS, as well as the Boiling Council.
That is all.
Friday, February 09, 2007
I DON'T KNOW IF PHIL WILL LIKE IT
BUT I AM INTERESTED, very interested indeed, in hearing Bourdain rant magnificently on the subject of SANDRA LEE and other sins of the Food Network.
COURTESY, as always, the excellent DETHRONER.
THAT IS ALL.
COURTESY, as always, the excellent DETHRONER.
THAT IS ALL.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
HEY, PHIL!
FROM THE COMMENTS, Adam asks...
"Is that actor Ryan Stiles as the security guard in the advert Security?" (sic)
BY "SECURITY," Adam refers to the very latest in television advertising of computers.
BY "ADVERT," Adam means "I am secretly British."
BUT THE WORRISOMELY TALL person in those ads is not Ryan Stiles, but the great, different person named SETH MORRIS, known for his directorship of the UCB Theater WEST.
IF YOU WISH MORE INFORMATION, PHIL CAN PROVIDE IT.
THE REST, as always, is a mystery to me.
That is all.
"Is that actor Ryan Stiles as the security guard in the advert Security?" (sic)
BY "SECURITY," Adam refers to the very latest in television advertising of computers.
BY "ADVERT," Adam means "I am secretly British."
BUT THE WORRISOMELY TALL person in those ads is not Ryan Stiles, but the great, different person named SETH MORRIS, known for his directorship of the UCB Theater WEST.
IF YOU WISH MORE INFORMATION, PHIL CAN PROVIDE IT.
THE REST, as always, is a mystery to me.
That is all.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
AS MUCH AS I WANT PHIL TO BE HAPPY
I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS to any Playmobil where I am at the moment.
That is all.
That is all.
HAPPY NOW PHIL?
THIS POST is for Phil, who is concerned that I have not posted enough recently.
That is all.
That is all.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
THIS IS SO FREAKING MAGICAL
I CANNOT BELIEVE that I missed it, both in reality, and then on the internet.
That is all.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
LET ME LAY SOME BEATBOXING ON YOU
SINCE I SPENT THE GREATER PART OF THE MORNING slaving over this, I thought I'd get some extra use out of this longwinded comment on Jesse's THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA BLOG.
FOR THE FULL STORY, start here. I don't know why I get so huffy about this. Yes I do.
A) I love public radio, and I think Jesse's critique is not only valid, but is motivated by his own love for the form.
B) I found the public radio reporter's insults of Jesse to be annoying.
C) I don't feel like doing my real work this morning, nor have I taken any photographs of PLAMOBILS for you.
As always, internet, MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WILL.
BEGIN QUOTED TEXT
Hello
I think your letter, Jesse, was devastating and, to use some young-people's lingo, "right on."
Now having listened to the piece, I can't say I totally agree with your implication that Kalish didn't know what he was talking about. He clearly has been thinking about the subject for a while, and his curiosity and thoughtfulness in the piece are genuine.
But it would be disingenuous to suggest that the overall tone of the piece was not condescending, both toward the rap and the intelligence of the listener. The weekend edition intro to the piece actually borders on the contemptuous, though Kalish cannot really be held accountable for that.
But tone aside I just don't get what the story is here. Apparently there are street performers on the NYC subway! Yet Kalish does not do a story about the wacky, wild scene that goes down when guys come through the cars singing "FIRE NEXT TIME," or the car-to-car conga sessions sessions or breakdance circles that I've seen since moving to NYC in 1994.
Personally, I'd be furious if someone came into the C train and started cursing in front of my five year old. It actually happens all the time in NYC, but when it's a performer/captive audience situation, it gets more complicated and galling in equal measures. I think Kalish did well to challenge the performers on this, but he didn't exactly hold their feet to the fire on it either.
Finally, there is Kalish's gloss on the phenomenon as a return to hip hop's roots. I think that's an interesting point to make. But at the same time, it seemed to suggest that freestyling had somehow disappeared for several decades and is now just coming back. I'm not an expert by any means, but that can't be true, can it?
No--these points are all so under-explored that they feel like feints for what I can only conclude is Kalish's main story here: rap music "forced" on shocked subway riders. Some recoil in horror, some discover a new respect for this art form and their urban neighbors. Everyone turns off their radio happy.
A nice narrative cliche as it goes, but there's a problem: it doesn't seem to really be happening. The subway riders that Kalish turned to for the google-eyed-suburban-outrage reaction he seemed to expect basically offered instead a sane response: "that's life in NYC, and I kinda like it."
Yeah. Me too.
The only person who legitimately seemed agog in this situation was Kalish. So in this sense, I think it indeed works as a personal essay, charting one man's reaction to an interesting but hardly groundbreaking social phenomenon.
But even if we redefine the piece this way, it's still a personal essay about the boisterous invasion of an traditionally black music into the closed space of a subway car, where the boisterous, loud musicians quasi-literally hold captive an audience of (Kalish presumes) non-rap listeners.
Jesse is right: this is exoticism, and I share his offense. It's also, in my opinion, boring. I hear the cafeterial ladies rolled their eyes when the kids from Fame started dancing on the tables, too. Stop press.
Kalish is right to defend his record as a reporter and clarify its status as a freelance piece. He's certainly free to disagree with Jesse's assessment of the piece and NPR's cultural coverage in general.
But I think the fact that Kalish does not respond directly to Jesse, and indirectly does so only with insults, tells me just about everything I need to know: what a snob.
As an overweight 35 year old dad with hurty knees whose currency with rap basically ends at De La Soul is Dead, I'm not a pitchforky insider to this culture, nor am I by any definition a young podcasting lad. My own podcasting and blogging efforts are basically pathetic. And, like Jesse, I have done actual radio, including reported pieces (albeit not for NPR, but PRI).
So I have no suggestions for what sniffy bona fides Kalish should use to brush aside my own critique of his work. But I do think he owes Jesse an apology.
John Hodgman.
END QUOTED TEXT
That is all.
FOR THE FULL STORY, start here. I don't know why I get so huffy about this. Yes I do.
A) I love public radio, and I think Jesse's critique is not only valid, but is motivated by his own love for the form.
B) I found the public radio reporter's insults of Jesse to be annoying.
C) I don't feel like doing my real work this morning, nor have I taken any photographs of PLAMOBILS for you.
As always, internet, MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WILL.
BEGIN QUOTED TEXT
Hello
I think your letter, Jesse, was devastating and, to use some young-people's lingo, "right on."
Now having listened to the piece, I can't say I totally agree with your implication that Kalish didn't know what he was talking about. He clearly has been thinking about the subject for a while, and his curiosity and thoughtfulness in the piece are genuine.
But it would be disingenuous to suggest that the overall tone of the piece was not condescending, both toward the rap and the intelligence of the listener. The weekend edition intro to the piece actually borders on the contemptuous, though Kalish cannot really be held accountable for that.
But tone aside I just don't get what the story is here. Apparently there are street performers on the NYC subway! Yet Kalish does not do a story about the wacky, wild scene that goes down when guys come through the cars singing "FIRE NEXT TIME," or the car-to-car conga sessions sessions or breakdance circles that I've seen since moving to NYC in 1994.
Personally, I'd be furious if someone came into the C train and started cursing in front of my five year old. It actually happens all the time in NYC, but when it's a performer/captive audience situation, it gets more complicated and galling in equal measures. I think Kalish did well to challenge the performers on this, but he didn't exactly hold their feet to the fire on it either.
Finally, there is Kalish's gloss on the phenomenon as a return to hip hop's roots. I think that's an interesting point to make. But at the same time, it seemed to suggest that freestyling had somehow disappeared for several decades and is now just coming back. I'm not an expert by any means, but that can't be true, can it?
No--these points are all so under-explored that they feel like feints for what I can only conclude is Kalish's main story here: rap music "forced" on shocked subway riders. Some recoil in horror, some discover a new respect for this art form and their urban neighbors. Everyone turns off their radio happy.
A nice narrative cliche as it goes, but there's a problem: it doesn't seem to really be happening. The subway riders that Kalish turned to for the google-eyed-suburban-outrage reaction he seemed to expect basically offered instead a sane response: "that's life in NYC, and I kinda like it."
Yeah. Me too.
The only person who legitimately seemed agog in this situation was Kalish. So in this sense, I think it indeed works as a personal essay, charting one man's reaction to an interesting but hardly groundbreaking social phenomenon.
But even if we redefine the piece this way, it's still a personal essay about the boisterous invasion of an traditionally black music into the closed space of a subway car, where the boisterous, loud musicians quasi-literally hold captive an audience of (Kalish presumes) non-rap listeners.
Jesse is right: this is exoticism, and I share his offense. It's also, in my opinion, boring. I hear the cafeterial ladies rolled their eyes when the kids from Fame started dancing on the tables, too. Stop press.
Kalish is right to defend his record as a reporter and clarify its status as a freelance piece. He's certainly free to disagree with Jesse's assessment of the piece and NPR's cultural coverage in general.
But I think the fact that Kalish does not respond directly to Jesse, and indirectly does so only with insults, tells me just about everything I need to know: what a snob.
As an overweight 35 year old dad with hurty knees whose currency with rap basically ends at De La Soul is Dead, I'm not a pitchforky insider to this culture, nor am I by any definition a young podcasting lad. My own podcasting and blogging efforts are basically pathetic. And, like Jesse, I have done actual radio, including reported pieces (albeit not for NPR, but PRI).
So I have no suggestions for what sniffy bona fides Kalish should use to brush aside my own critique of his work. But I do think he owes Jesse an apology.
John Hodgman.
END QUOTED TEXT
That is all.
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