Insofar as I may be able to persuade you of anything, please listen and watch Coulton's important dissertation on the power of creative commons.
"FLICKR"
Some other photos you may use. SEE HERE
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
GOOD EVENING 18 of 20, ANNUAL HOLIDAY LETTER
Good Evening
My name is John Hodgman.
I can’t believe how the time has flown, but I just took a look up old man calendar’s robes this morning and guess what?—it’s time for THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY LETTER
(aka electronic mailing number 18 or 20 such mailings pertaining to THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE)
1. ALL IS WELL, and, more importantly NOT A CREATURE IS STIRRING in my Upper West Side Observatory.
2. AFTER LAST YEAR’S FIASCO WITH THE TREE (let’s just say I won’t be reading aloud from the Necronomicon around the tree THIS year), we decided to go with something a little more modest in size, a little less likely to come to life and terrorize us for three days. WHEW!
3. NOW I AM ABLE AT LAST TO RELAX and enjoy the best of my rare collection of SEXUALLY PROVOCATIVE XMAS SONGS.
4. (THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM, more than you might think… from the relatively innocent “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” to the plain diamond-lust of “Santa Baby,” to the transparently pornographic “Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney” and “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”)
5. BUT THEY SHARE A COMMON MESSAGE, one that I now share with you, and that message is MERRY SEXY XMAS.
6. IT HAS ALSO BEEN A FINE YEAR for our little darling, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE).
7. BETWEEN AN AWESOME SOCCER SEASON and a show-stopping turn in the annual school pageant as ‘THE DRUNKEN GAP-TOOTHED FIFER,’ our little book has not ceased to amaze its proud father with its DELIGHTFUL CHARM, PRECOCIOUS WISDOM, AND MANY FAKE FACTS.
8. I KNOW I’VE BEEN GOING OVERBOARD WITH THE PICTURES LATELY, but I cannot resist sharing this corker of a shot: LITTLE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE, wearing red corduroys, a chunky sweater with reindeers on it, and the happiest dust jacket you ever did see!
9. (IF YOU CAN’T SEE THE PHOTO, it may be time to “GET WITH IT” and finally upgrade to AOL version 1000! THE EASIEST JUST GOT EASIER! Did you hear that DARIN STRAUSS?!)
10. WHY, it seems just yesterday I was holding that little proposal in my hands, and then accidentally dropping it into A CAULDRON OF MAGIC POTION. OK, OK. Enough with the waterworks.
11. IF YOU HAVE BEEN WONDERING “Why do we kiss under the mistletoe?” or “How do you pronounce POINSETTIA?” or “Where did the first Christmas tree come from?”…
12. OR IN CASE YOU SIMPLY WANT TO MAKE SURE YOUR RADIO IS STILL WORKING, try tuning in the
THIS AMERICAN LIFE “HOLIDAY SPECTACTULAR”--which airs this weekend, where you will hear me answering those questions and more.
13. AND WHAT’S MORE, you shall hear the voices of VOWELL, RAKOFF, SEDARIS, GOLDSTEIN, and HEATHER O’NEILL.
14. FIND YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS here: thislife.org .
15. AND WHILE YOU ARE USING THE INTERNET, won’t you consider making a holiday donation to this fine organization, which is dedicated to the redistribution of sandwiches and the aiding of the hungry?: CITY HARVEST END OF SINCERITY
16. NOW AS I TYPE THIS I have just received word that I am required in Brooklyn to HUNT THE BONES OF ALISTAIR COOKE, and so I must now sign off.
17. TO ALL MY FRIENDS and e-mail recipients, I assure you that SOON THESE GHOSTS WILL STOP VISITING YOU.
18. FOR NOW, I send my thanks and best wishes. HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL, and to all…
19. THAT IS ALL.
My name is John Hodgman.
I can’t believe how the time has flown, but I just took a look up old man calendar’s robes this morning and guess what?—it’s time for THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY LETTER
(aka electronic mailing number 18 or 20 such mailings pertaining to THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE)
1. ALL IS WELL, and, more importantly NOT A CREATURE IS STIRRING in my Upper West Side Observatory.
2. AFTER LAST YEAR’S FIASCO WITH THE TREE (let’s just say I won’t be reading aloud from the Necronomicon around the tree THIS year), we decided to go with something a little more modest in size, a little less likely to come to life and terrorize us for three days. WHEW!
3. NOW I AM ABLE AT LAST TO RELAX and enjoy the best of my rare collection of SEXUALLY PROVOCATIVE XMAS SONGS.
4. (THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM, more than you might think… from the relatively innocent “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” to the plain diamond-lust of “Santa Baby,” to the transparently pornographic “Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney” and “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”)
5. BUT THEY SHARE A COMMON MESSAGE, one that I now share with you, and that message is MERRY SEXY XMAS.
6. IT HAS ALSO BEEN A FINE YEAR for our little darling, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE).
7. BETWEEN AN AWESOME SOCCER SEASON and a show-stopping turn in the annual school pageant as ‘THE DRUNKEN GAP-TOOTHED FIFER,’ our little book has not ceased to amaze its proud father with its DELIGHTFUL CHARM, PRECOCIOUS WISDOM, AND MANY FAKE FACTS.
8. I KNOW I’VE BEEN GOING OVERBOARD WITH THE PICTURES LATELY, but I cannot resist sharing this corker of a shot: LITTLE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE, wearing red corduroys, a chunky sweater with reindeers on it, and the happiest dust jacket you ever did see!
9. (IF YOU CAN’T SEE THE PHOTO, it may be time to “GET WITH IT” and finally upgrade to AOL version 1000! THE EASIEST JUST GOT EASIER! Did you hear that DARIN STRAUSS?!)
10. WHY, it seems just yesterday I was holding that little proposal in my hands, and then accidentally dropping it into A CAULDRON OF MAGIC POTION. OK, OK. Enough with the waterworks.
11. IF YOU HAVE BEEN WONDERING “Why do we kiss under the mistletoe?” or “How do you pronounce POINSETTIA?” or “Where did the first Christmas tree come from?”…
12. OR IN CASE YOU SIMPLY WANT TO MAKE SURE YOUR RADIO IS STILL WORKING, try tuning in the
THIS AMERICAN LIFE “HOLIDAY SPECTACTULAR”--which airs this weekend, where you will hear me answering those questions and more.
13. AND WHAT’S MORE, you shall hear the voices of VOWELL, RAKOFF, SEDARIS, GOLDSTEIN, and HEATHER O’NEILL.
14. FIND YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS here: thislife.org .
15. AND WHILE YOU ARE USING THE INTERNET, won’t you consider making a holiday donation to this fine organization, which is dedicated to the redistribution of sandwiches and the aiding of the hungry?: CITY HARVEST END OF SINCERITY
16. NOW AS I TYPE THIS I have just received word that I am required in Brooklyn to HUNT THE BONES OF ALISTAIR COOKE, and so I must now sign off.
17. TO ALL MY FRIENDS and e-mail recipients, I assure you that SOON THESE GHOSTS WILL STOP VISITING YOU.
18. FOR NOW, I send my thanks and best wishes. HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL, and to all…
19. THAT IS ALL.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Good Evening #17 of 20
Good Evening
My name is John Hodgman, and with the click of a button I am PERSONALLY E-MAILING you this 17th of 20 total messages pertaining to…
THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE
featuring our new motto:
“Number 15 on the New York Times Extended Bestseller List in the Category of ‘ADVICE, HOW-TO, AND MISCELLANEOUS’ for the week ending December 11, 2005”
(!!)
(It is absolutely true, though I cannot prove it.)
(Actually, now that I write it, that sentence is a better new motto.)
(But it is too late. We have already printed up the key-chains with the other new motto. And those key-chains are huge.)
(Now…)
HERE IS THE INFORMATION THAT YOU DID NOT REQUEST
1. THIS FRIDAY, DEC 16, in NEW YORK CITY, the One-Story Reading and Cocktail Hour shall be selling “Fortnight Martinis” at the special price of five dollars in the hope that that will make tolerable A LITERARY PRESENTATION BY HODGMAN AND COULTON.
2. THIS SHALL OCCUR at PIANOS, a bar in THE LOWER EAST SIDE OF NEW YORK CITY----158 Ludlow St. at Stanton St.
3. REASONABLY, drinking begins at 6:30PM, and reading begins thereafter at 7PM. THIS SHALL BE THE LAST PRESENTATION for the foreseeable future.
4. MEANWHILE, it has come to my attention that TWO UNFORTUNATE PEOPLE WERE OBLIGED TO DRAW CARICATURES OF ME on the internet.
5. The first is a cartoon of ME AS A HOBO.
6. The second is a cartoon of ME AS A HOBO, EATING A CAN OF BEANS.
7. NATURALLY THIS IS VERY FLATTERING, but that is only one reason why it is inappropriate. The other reason is: I AM NOT A HOBO. The hoboes I describe in my book lived during the Great Depression, and then left our planet during the forties, a point I explain at length in the pages of Seattle’s “The Stranger” (see link 6), and via podcast on Jawbone Radio episode 88 (see link 5).
8. STILL, I have not the heart to swear vengeance upon either the people of Seattle or the Internet, as they have both been very kind to me.
9. IN PARTICULAR, Len and Norah of Jawbone Radio, along with the APE-LAD and so many other talented artists, must be thanked for DRAWING HOBOES ON THE INTERNET now for several weeks, most of which do not resemble me,
10. APPARENTLY, there was some heated debate at Flickr that I barely understand about what constitutes a “PHOTO” vs. an “ILLUSTRATION OF A MADE-UP HOBO” that complicated “The Hobo Project” for a time.
11. But now, after some APPROPRIATE TIME IN WANDERING EXILE, this project has now finally found a home.
12. SO I DO NOT SWEAR VENGEANCE, but instead say: THANK YOU, Seattle; and THANK YOU, Internet; and THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU who made the new motto possible. Even holding this enormous keychain in my hand, I find it difficult to believe.
13. THIS is the 17th of 20 total e-mails that you will receive on the subject THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE before it all ends on Jan 2, 2006.
14. NEW YORKERS WHO RECEIVED THE “extra” electronic mailing of Oct 26 will receive ZERO MAILINGS from me next week. OTHERWISE, you will all suffer equally.
15. To subscribe to this e-mailing list, merely write to HODGMAN@littlegraybooks.com. To “UNSUBSCRIBE” from this mailing list, write to the same address and say “NO MORE HOBOES.”
16. DO NOTHING, if you wish to keep everything the same forever, for then you are a person after my own heart.
17. THAT IS ALL
My name is John Hodgman, and with the click of a button I am PERSONALLY E-MAILING you this 17th of 20 total messages pertaining to…
THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE
featuring our new motto:
“Number 15 on the New York Times Extended Bestseller List in the Category of ‘ADVICE, HOW-TO, AND MISCELLANEOUS’ for the week ending December 11, 2005”
(!!)
(It is absolutely true, though I cannot prove it.)
(Actually, now that I write it, that sentence is a better new motto.)
(But it is too late. We have already printed up the key-chains with the other new motto. And those key-chains are huge.)
(Now…)
HERE IS THE INFORMATION THAT YOU DID NOT REQUEST
1. THIS FRIDAY, DEC 16, in NEW YORK CITY, the One-Story Reading and Cocktail Hour shall be selling “Fortnight Martinis” at the special price of five dollars in the hope that that will make tolerable A LITERARY PRESENTATION BY HODGMAN AND COULTON.
2. THIS SHALL OCCUR at PIANOS, a bar in THE LOWER EAST SIDE OF NEW YORK CITY----158 Ludlow St. at Stanton St.
3. REASONABLY, drinking begins at 6:30PM, and reading begins thereafter at 7PM. THIS SHALL BE THE LAST PRESENTATION for the foreseeable future.
4. MEANWHILE, it has come to my attention that TWO UNFORTUNATE PEOPLE WERE OBLIGED TO DRAW CARICATURES OF ME on the internet.
5. The first is a cartoon of ME AS A HOBO.
6. The second is a cartoon of ME AS A HOBO, EATING A CAN OF BEANS.
7. NATURALLY THIS IS VERY FLATTERING, but that is only one reason why it is inappropriate. The other reason is: I AM NOT A HOBO. The hoboes I describe in my book lived during the Great Depression, and then left our planet during the forties, a point I explain at length in the pages of Seattle’s “The Stranger” (see link 6), and via podcast on Jawbone Radio episode 88 (see link 5).
8. STILL, I have not the heart to swear vengeance upon either the people of Seattle or the Internet, as they have both been very kind to me.
9. IN PARTICULAR, Len and Norah of Jawbone Radio, along with the APE-LAD and so many other talented artists, must be thanked for DRAWING HOBOES ON THE INTERNET now for several weeks, most of which do not resemble me,
10. APPARENTLY, there was some heated debate at Flickr that I barely understand about what constitutes a “PHOTO” vs. an “ILLUSTRATION OF A MADE-UP HOBO” that complicated “The Hobo Project” for a time.
11. But now, after some APPROPRIATE TIME IN WANDERING EXILE, this project has now finally found a home.
12. SO I DO NOT SWEAR VENGEANCE, but instead say: THANK YOU, Seattle; and THANK YOU, Internet; and THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU who made the new motto possible. Even holding this enormous keychain in my hand, I find it difficult to believe.
13. THIS is the 17th of 20 total e-mails that you will receive on the subject THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE before it all ends on Jan 2, 2006.
14. NEW YORKERS WHO RECEIVED THE “extra” electronic mailing of Oct 26 will receive ZERO MAILINGS from me next week. OTHERWISE, you will all suffer equally.
15. To subscribe to this e-mailing list, merely write to HODGMAN@littlegraybooks.com. To “UNSUBSCRIBE” from this mailing list, write to the same address and say “NO MORE HOBOES.”
16. DO NOTHING, if you wish to keep everything the same forever, for then you are a person after my own heart.
17. THAT IS ALL
Sunday, December 04, 2005
16 of 20
Good Morning
This is John Hodgman writing the 16th of 20 total electronically transmitted messages regarding
THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE http://www.areasofmyexpertise.com
which last week was apparently the San Francisco Bay Area’s favorite “book” of fake trivia and invented historical oddities, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.
Thank you, BAY AREA.
AND BELATED THANKS also to BAY AREAN Frank Lauria, who not only was our guide and driver when COULTON and I visited that lovely “AREA BY THE BAY,” but also, we would later learn, A PROFESSIONAL WRITER.
He is the author of some half dozen mystery novels featuring Dr. Owen Orient, occult detective, which William S. Burroughs called “the most believable vampire and werewolf stories I have ever read.” SEE HERE
(!)
ACTUAL CONVERSATION WHILE DRIVING:
Jh: “It says here on your book that you were influenced by HP Lovecraft and A. Merritt. Who is A. Merritt?”
Frank: “He is the author of ‘Seven Footprints to Satan’”
Jh: “I see. And it says you yourself studied the occult?”
Frank: “Well, I am actually a fairly sensitive psychic. But I don’t practice that much any more. Because the first thing you pick up on, of course, is the bad parts of people: their failures, their anxieties, their secrets. And this can be very painful.”
Jh: (silence)
COULTON: (silence)
Jh: (anxieties and secrets and silence)
Frank: “Oh, I think I should have made a left turn there.”
END OF DIALOGUE.
THANK YOU, Frank, for your books, for your kindness, and for not exploding my brain with your mind.
NOW HERE IS MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE…
1. Our Journey to the Mid-Atlantic region continues TO DURHAM, North Carolina, ON A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, DEC 4, we shall visit…
**THE REGULATOR BOOKSHOP
3PM in the afternoon
720 Ninth Street
Durham, NC
(919) 286-2700
FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC
BARBECUE TO BE SOUGHT OUT THEREAFTER
2. THEN, and only THEN: we will drive home to NYC.
3. THEREAFTER, there shall be one more VERY SPECIAL appearance in NYC before a long winter’s nap. WATCH THIS SPACE NUMBER “8” for details.
4. MEANWHILE, and with many thanks: THAT IS ALL
This is John Hodgman writing the 16th of 20 total electronically transmitted messages regarding
THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE http://www.areasofmyexpertise.com
which last week was apparently the San Francisco Bay Area’s favorite “book” of fake trivia and invented historical oddities, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.
Thank you, BAY AREA.
AND BELATED THANKS also to BAY AREAN Frank Lauria, who not only was our guide and driver when COULTON and I visited that lovely “AREA BY THE BAY,” but also, we would later learn, A PROFESSIONAL WRITER.
He is the author of some half dozen mystery novels featuring Dr. Owen Orient, occult detective, which William S. Burroughs called “the most believable vampire and werewolf stories I have ever read.” SEE HERE
(!)
ACTUAL CONVERSATION WHILE DRIVING:
Jh: “It says here on your book that you were influenced by HP Lovecraft and A. Merritt. Who is A. Merritt?”
Frank: “He is the author of ‘Seven Footprints to Satan’”
Jh: “I see. And it says you yourself studied the occult?”
Frank: “Well, I am actually a fairly sensitive psychic. But I don’t practice that much any more. Because the first thing you pick up on, of course, is the bad parts of people: their failures, their anxieties, their secrets. And this can be very painful.”
Jh: (silence)
COULTON: (silence)
Jh: (anxieties and secrets and silence)
Frank: “Oh, I think I should have made a left turn there.”
END OF DIALOGUE.
THANK YOU, Frank, for your books, for your kindness, and for not exploding my brain with your mind.
NOW HERE IS MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE…
1. Our Journey to the Mid-Atlantic region continues TO DURHAM, North Carolina, ON A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, DEC 4, we shall visit…
**THE REGULATOR BOOKSHOP
3PM in the afternoon
720 Ninth Street
Durham, NC
(919) 286-2700
FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC
BARBECUE TO BE SOUGHT OUT THEREAFTER
2. THEN, and only THEN: we will drive home to NYC.
3. THEREAFTER, there shall be one more VERY SPECIAL appearance in NYC before a long winter’s nap. WATCH THIS SPACE NUMBER “8” for details.
4. MEANWHILE, and with many thanks: THAT IS ALL
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