LET ME LAY SOME BEATBOXING ON YOU

SINCE I SPENT THE GREATER PART OF THE MORNING slaving over this, I thought I'd get some extra use out of this longwinded comment on Jesse's THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA BLOG.

FOR THE FULL STORY, start here. I don't know why I get so huffy about this. Yes I do.

A) I love public radio, and I think Jesse's critique is not only valid, but is motivated by his own love for the form.

B) I found the public radio reporter's insults of Jesse to be annoying.

C) I don't feel like doing my real work this morning, nor have I taken any photographs of PLAMOBILS for you.

As always, internet, MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WILL.

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

Hello

I think your letter, Jesse, was devastating and, to use some young-people's lingo, "right on."

Now having listened to the piece, I can't say I totally agree with your implication that Kalish didn't know what he was talking about. He clearly has been thinking about the subject for a while, and his curiosity and thoughtfulness in the piece are genuine.

But it would be disingenuous to suggest that the overall tone of the piece was not condescending, both toward the rap and the intelligence of the listener. The weekend edition intro to the piece actually borders on the contemptuous, though Kalish cannot really be held accountable for that.

But tone aside I just don't get what the story is here. Apparently there are street performers on the NYC subway! Yet Kalish does not do a story about the wacky, wild scene that goes down when guys come through the cars singing "FIRE NEXT TIME," or the car-to-car conga sessions sessions or breakdance circles that I've seen since moving to NYC in 1994.

Personally, I'd be furious if someone came into the C train and started cursing in front of my five year old. It actually happens all the time in NYC, but when it's a performer/captive audience situation, it gets more complicated and galling in equal measures. I think Kalish did well to challenge the performers on this, but he didn't exactly hold their feet to the fire on it either.

Finally, there is Kalish's gloss on the phenomenon as a return to hip hop's roots. I think that's an interesting point to make. But at the same time, it seemed to suggest that freestyling had somehow disappeared for several decades and is now just coming back. I'm not an expert by any means, but that can't be true, can it?

No--these points are all so under-explored that they feel like feints for what I can only conclude is Kalish's main story here: rap music "forced" on shocked subway riders. Some recoil in horror, some discover a new respect for this art form and their urban neighbors. Everyone turns off their radio happy.

A nice narrative cliche as it goes, but there's a problem: it doesn't seem to really be happening. The subway riders that Kalish turned to for the google-eyed-suburban-outrage reaction he seemed to expect basically offered instead a sane response: "that's life in NYC, and I kinda like it."

Yeah. Me too.

The only person who legitimately seemed agog in this situation was Kalish. So in this sense, I think it indeed works as a personal essay, charting one man's reaction to an interesting but hardly groundbreaking social phenomenon.

But even if we redefine the piece this way, it's still a personal essay about the boisterous invasion of an traditionally black music into the closed space of a subway car, where the boisterous, loud musicians quasi-literally hold captive an audience of (Kalish presumes) non-rap listeners.

Jesse is right: this is exoticism, and I share his offense. It's also, in my opinion, boring. I hear the cafeterial ladies rolled their eyes when the kids from Fame started dancing on the tables, too. Stop press.

Kalish is right to defend his record as a reporter and clarify its status as a freelance piece. He's certainly free to disagree with Jesse's assessment of the piece and NPR's cultural coverage in general.

But I think the fact that Kalish does not respond directly to Jesse, and indirectly does so only with insults, tells me just about everything I need to know: what a snob.

As an overweight 35 year old dad with hurty knees whose currency with rap basically ends at De La Soul is Dead, I'm not a pitchforky insider to this culture, nor am I by any definition a young podcasting lad. My own podcasting and blogging efforts are basically pathetic. And, like Jesse, I have done actual radio, including reported pieces (albeit not for NPR, but PRI).

So I have no suggestions for what sniffy bona fides Kalish should use to brush aside my own critique of his work. But I do think he owes Jesse an apology.

John Hodgman.

END QUOTED TEXT

That is all.

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE CRAZY ADS FOR MACINTOSH COMPUTERS?

FOR MORE INFORMATION on these fine gentlemen computers, you may use the internet.

MEANWHILE, I might note that, as of this writing, on MONDAY MORNING, I am scheduled to be on television TOMORROW, TUESDAY NIGHT, and not today.

THAT IS PART OF THE REASON that I will fail to make good on my promised PLAYMOBIL PHOTOGRAPHIC THROW-DOWN until later in the week.

THE OTHER REASON is that I am lazy.

That is all.

BUT NOW, ONE TIME I WAS ALMOST ASIAN

APPARENTLY Tom and Sam are still stuck in the horrible, backward ancient era known as 2007.

That is all.

WATCH THIS SPACE MONDAY FOR PLAYMO

MEANWHILE, you may enjoy CRACKED magazine, for now.

That is all.

"ONE WITH PLENTY OF GOOD MEAT STILL ON IT"

I MUST IMPOSE ON YOUR PATIENCE: the Playmobil thow-down is coming.

BUT I MUST ALSO INTERRUPT to bring you this late breaking bulletin from THE ONION

WHETHER THE SUBJECT IS HOBOES, RACOONS, OR PLAYMOBIL, it's good to be remind that the Onion trumps us all.

COURTESY: "ERIC" for bringing this to my attention.

That is all.

PLAYMO

743 Mike the Beard Recycler
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

OK, APE-LAD

I HAVE BEEN DREAMING of an old fashioned PLAYMO FEUD for years.

NOW It's on.

That is all.

AN ALARMING PORTENT FROM ALBERTA

John Bowman, A CANADIAN, writes from Canada...

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT:

"After weaning five kittens of her own, this mother cat, Misty, took on
six baby skunks born at our zoo, The GuZoo Animal Farm, in Three Hills,
Alberta, shown in this recent handout photo. The skunk's natural mom
lost interest and wouldn't continue feeding them. Misty has been raising
the skunks for two weeks. (CP PHOTO/ HO/ GuZoo Animal Farm)

"John Bowman
Associate Producer
CBC News Online (the website of a Soviet-style state-run media
organization in Canada)"

END QUOTED TEXT:

As best as I can tell, the above photo is REAL AND UNRETOUCHED; it is also HEARTWARMING, even though it FOREBODES THE APOCALYPSE.*

A quick INTERNET INVESTIGATION INTO THE "GUZOO ANIMAL FARM" turns up no direct confirmation on the cat-skunk blended family (thanks for nothing, INTERNET)...

BUT I DO FEEL COMPELLED TO POINT OUT that the GuZoo Animal Farm does seem to be the target of frequent criticism for providing its non-human charges with inadequate shelter and care.

I DO NOT CLAIM TO KNOW THE FULL STORY HERE. Certainly in their defense one could argue that they are at the very least not allowing baby skunks to die, EVEN AT THE RISK OF APOCALYPSE.**

BUT INTERESTINGLY, at least one on-line petition urging the roadside zoo's closure includes one signature from a JASON BOWMAN.

WHAT IS HIS CONNECTION TO OUR CANADIAN CORRESPONDENT, JOHN BOWMAN?

At this point: NO ONE CAN TELL.

I will keep you posted.

MEANWHILE, thank you for watching television last night.

THAT IS ALL

*Please see my book, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE, for information regarding the ominous portent of CATS CONSORTING WITH SKUNKS.

**Please see the previous asterisk above.

CRYPTONAUT!

H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by Cryptonaut.

THIS PARTICULAR FIND is uncanny enough as to be frightening.

PLUS, this news: 3M Performance Plus Wire Nuts are

NOW IN STOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AN AUDIO FILE FOR TODAY

COURTESY the great Alexandra Ringe of STAY FREE MAGAZINE and many other endeavors.

That is all.

NEAL BABY

nealbaby
Originally uploaded by sugarfreak.

HERE IS THE PHOTO OF "SINCERE NEAL" that I had found and wanted to post to the below.

UNFORTUNATELY old Blogger/new Blogger issues seemed to have scotched the effort.

I TRY AGAIN, and thanks go to Sugarfreak, whoever you are.

MEANWHILE, my thanks to all who came to KGB last night. It was great fun.

FRITOS AND MILK!

(my new sign off except for...

THAT IS ALL)

THIS EVENING

THIS EVENING I will be reading with my friend and former client Darin Strauss at the KGB bar in New York City in conjunction with Behind The Book, A FINE ORGANIZATION.

THIS WILL HAPPEN at 7PM, at 85 East 4th Street, up the stairs.

THIS WILL BE ONE OF MY RARE APPEARANCES without Mr. Coulton, whom I believe is still in Las Vegas.

THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED, in North Carolina, there was luckily a bagpiper on hand to offer some bagpipe music (IF YOU CAN CALL IT MUSIC! AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE? WHO'S WITH ME?).

I DO NOT KNOW IF THERE WILL BE ANYONE who happens to have a bagpipe or another kind of screechy musical instrument,

BUT DARIN'S NEW NOVEL is beautiful, and I will probably read about monsters, and the bar is an old favorite, so do stop by, bagpipers!

That is all.

SPEAKING OF BRUCE CAMPBELL

....DEREK chimes in from the comments to alert us all to THIS VIDEO.

IT'S BRILLIANT of course, but personally I cannot believe Bruce would stoop so low as to do a TELEVISION COMMERCIAL. What a sell out.

WHO'S WITH ME?

That is all.

SEE ALL MY REVIEWS

POLLACK'S BOOK IS FOR SALE

HERE is what I said about it on the internet. Every word is true.

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT:

NEAL'S FINEST, January 9, 2007
Reviewer: John Hodgman - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
Long before he secured actual, competent representation, I briefly served as Neal Pollack's professional literary agent. Therefore, my opinion may be somewhat biased, in the sense that I feel for him the same kind of weary I felt for all of my old bloodsucking clients, the ones who kept bothering me all day with their money troubles while I was trying to drink brandy and play minesweeper (that means you, Bruce Campbell!)

But I will confess that ALTERNADAD was a complete and happy surprise to me--hilarious, as all Neal's work is, but heartfelt and true. This book is fully deblustered of the old "Neal Pollack, Greatest Living Writer" persona of his seminal early work, replaced instead by an even older "Neal Pollack" going back to his days at the "Chicago Reader:" the just-plain-good-writer full of caustic wit and human sympathy.

This is a story that documents a new kind of hipster parental mood in some respects, but it is really a much simpler story about a man who loves his wife and son. Neal's ability to say just that puts paid to any rumor that he was ever merely a 90's era irony-drenched ha ha man, and makes ALTERNADAD the best third-book debut I've ever read.

END QUOTED TEXT

That is all.

AS NOTED BY CAPTAIN JOY

good luck will rub off if i shakes hands with you.JPG
Originally uploaded by captain joy.

THIS IS NOT A HOBO, but a chimney sweep, guarding tea.

STILL, it is lovely, and leads me to wonder once again

WHEN WILL CAPTAIN JOY MAKE ADMIRAL.

OF COURSE, shaking hands with a chimney sweep will not bring bring you luck. That is a myth perpetuated by Disney.

BUT NOT LONG AGO I consulted a contemporary, non-top-hatted chimney sweep who, EVEN THOUGH HE LOOKS LIKE A NORMAL, UN-COCKNEY HUMAN, told me he is constantly accosted by old women looking to touch him and thus ward off their horrible fates.

SPECIFICALLY, he said, women of Polish extraction want to pinch him as that is the custom for squeezing out good luck from a chimney sweep in that country.

I LAMENTED this unfortunate occupational hazard, and then I briefly throttled him. We all have our traditions.

That is all.

I AM CONFUSED

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

Ape-lad tells me this is the logo for the star wars fan club. But why the H?

That is all.

MIDVALE

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

MIDVALE: what is it?

THIS QUESTION WILL NEVER BE ANSWERED. But I am grateful to Ape-Lad for the boxcar image and the H, even if you have to hunt for it.

MEANWHILE...

FOR THOSE OF YOU who did not require my opinion on LOST-as-a-barometer-of-jocks-vs.-nerdism-in-the-21st-century, but got it anyway,

YOU MAY BE CURIOUS TO learn the now old news that Brian K. Vaughan has been hired as a writer by the program.

HE IS THE AUTHOR, among other comic book titles, of "Y: The Last Man," which I did not happen to read, and "Ex Machina," which I did read, and enjoyed very much.

AFTER AN AUTUMNAL "VEST-POCKET-SEASON" of pure, happily unhinged soap opera on LOST, does BKV's recruitment signal a return to the comic bookish continuity madness that marked its high nerd period and pneumatic tube hey day?

THIS QUESTION WILL ALSO NEVER BE ANSWERED

(HOWEVER, I will say that if Hurley suddenly blinks off the hypnosis and realizes HE HAS NEVER SEEN NIKKI AND PAULO BEFORE IN HIS LIFE, then things will be going in the right direction.)

(I TRUST THIS SETTLES the debate about whether this blog is controlled by jocks or nerds, which I know has been raging for months now).

That is all.

VIA SHARPEWORLD

AND THE CLOSE EYED READER "Solonor," here is footage of Harmonica Frank, who eats harmonicas despite their protests.

I ESPECIALLY appreciate the german subtitled.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE.

That is all.