Sunday, August 19, 2007


THANK YOU, ADRIANE, from the comments, for the link to STUBHUB.

A VERY USEFUL RESOURCE; if, in the future, I ever have need to see a sporting spectacle again, I shall turn there, and think gratefully back to your help.



Elvis Dingeldein said...

Kudos and Huzzah to you, sir, for securing vouchers to the afternoon's ball-basing activities via StubHub, the interwebs' answer to That Fat Guy that stands outside the stadium casually alerting passersby that he's "got two, got two, who needs tickets, huh, you? You need tickets?" I hope you had a simply stupendous afternoon of baseballery and that you were able to Buy You Some Peanuts and Cracker-Jacks, though we're certain you did indeed care if you ever came back, given your deep dislike for sports and your propensity to burn quite badly in direct sunlight. Or in the shade. Or indoors, some feet from an unused microwave oven.

Interestingly enough, has a long and colorful history, having begun duty as the homepage for John Wayne Bobbitt the day after his rather unfortunate depenisation at the hands of his sausage-hating ex-Ninja spouse, Lorena. Hoping to capitalize on his sudden stubbery, Mr. Bobbitt registered the domain name and waited proudly for the adoration he so richly deserved. A fickle public turned against Mr. Bobbitt, however, following the release of his amateur porn film Frankenpenis, which starred, rather oddly, Boris Karloff as Mr. Bobbitt's penis. With his member happily reattached and represented by Michael Ovitz (the penis, not Mr. Bobbitt; Ovitz won't even return John's calls), the public quickly lost interest in Bobbitt's StubHub and wandered off in search of other celebrity freakshows.

Mr. Stuart Q. “Stu” Bhub (pronounced, rather unfortunately, "Boob") owned it next, but had so few friends and almost no relatives (the Boston Bhubs had long since returned to their ancestral Iceland, where most were eaten by wolverines), so the site actually took negative "hits," back-ticking a counter every time the blog was ignored by Google in any search for Stu's name. Mr. Bhub hung himself with a length of CAT-5 cable in 2004, though no one noticed until 2006.

With the historied domain name now available for cyberscalpers to vend their wares at a 6500% markup and a willing public sick to death of meeting bookish, soft-spoken celebrities in bookstores to exchange sporting chits for extraordinarily valuable autography and delightful human contact, a legendary Italian "syndicate" finally snapped up the domain name in 2004 and has been ridendo completamente alla banca ever since.

Please let me know, sir, if you ever plan on attending an event of sport here in the Omaha Metro (hahahaha! "Metro" I says!), as I will be buying extra seats to every forthcoming event from this point forward with the fond hope of exchanging them for your autograph, or perhaps a pair of your glasses.

Ian said...

Is there any chance that you're doing a reading while you're in the Boston area?