VERY OCCASIONALLY, mystery is more important than knowing.
That is all.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
VERY FAINT, BUT THEY ARE THERE
CURRENTLY RE-ENTERING the internet.
DURING RE-ACCLIMATION PROCESS, please note these simple sightings that I missed last week....
A) DARNIELLE talking about horror movies.
B) QUICKSTOP's take on the immortality of game show hosts and lego Match Game.
C) COULTON talking to Merlin. NOTE: NOT AS WIZARDLY AS YOU MIGHT INITIALLY THINK, but very productive.
INVESTIGATE, I say, INVESTIGATE.
That is all.
DURING RE-ACCLIMATION PROCESS, please note these simple sightings that I missed last week....
A) DARNIELLE talking about horror movies.
B) QUICKSTOP's take on the immortality of game show hosts and lego Match Game.
C) COULTON talking to Merlin. NOTE: NOT AS WIZARDLY AS YOU MIGHT INITIALLY THINK, but very productive.
INVESTIGATE, I say, INVESTIGATE.
That is all.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
THE SECRET DEATH OF LOBSTERS
APPARENTLY THERE ARE MORE THAN 45 WAYS to kill a lobster.
HERE ARE TWO MORE OF THEM, courtesy THE SECRET LIFE OF LOBSTERS via BOING BOING, including the device pictured, the Avure HPP.
THE LOBSTER is placed in the chamber, along with water, a substance that the lobster knows well and feels very comfortable in.
THEN THE PRESSURE BEGINS, and the lobster's old pal "water" suddenly becomes its greatest enemy, as the water pressure grows to three times that found at the greatest depths of the ocean.
TO PARAPHRASE C-3P0, THE LOBSTER SHOULD BE QUITE WELL PROTECTED, should it survive the process, that is.
ACTUALLY, NO: the lobster not only dies, but conveniently for all but the lobster, the process has the added benefit of instantly separating its delicious raw flesh from its disgusting, hateful shell.
THUS ALLOWING, for the first time, a raw lobster to be shucked while still disgustingly whole.
THIS IS THE METHOD WHOLE FOODS HAS CHOSEN to humanely kill the lobsters it will sell.
BUT NATURALLY THE NUTCRACKER INDUSTRY IS UP IN ARMS, as well as the Boiling Council.
That is all.
HERE ARE TWO MORE OF THEM, courtesy THE SECRET LIFE OF LOBSTERS via BOING BOING, including the device pictured, the Avure HPP.
THE LOBSTER is placed in the chamber, along with water, a substance that the lobster knows well and feels very comfortable in.
THEN THE PRESSURE BEGINS, and the lobster's old pal "water" suddenly becomes its greatest enemy, as the water pressure grows to three times that found at the greatest depths of the ocean.
TO PARAPHRASE C-3P0, THE LOBSTER SHOULD BE QUITE WELL PROTECTED, should it survive the process, that is.
ACTUALLY, NO: the lobster not only dies, but conveniently for all but the lobster, the process has the added benefit of instantly separating its delicious raw flesh from its disgusting, hateful shell.
THUS ALLOWING, for the first time, a raw lobster to be shucked while still disgustingly whole.
THIS IS THE METHOD WHOLE FOODS HAS CHOSEN to humanely kill the lobsters it will sell.
BUT NATURALLY THE NUTCRACKER INDUSTRY IS UP IN ARMS, as well as the Boiling Council.
That is all.
Friday, February 09, 2007
I DON'T KNOW IF PHIL WILL LIKE IT
BUT I AM INTERESTED, very interested indeed, in hearing Bourdain rant magnificently on the subject of SANDRA LEE and other sins of the Food Network.
COURTESY, as always, the excellent DETHRONER.
THAT IS ALL.
COURTESY, as always, the excellent DETHRONER.
THAT IS ALL.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
HEY, PHIL!
FROM THE COMMENTS, Adam asks...
"Is that actor Ryan Stiles as the security guard in the advert Security?" (sic)
BY "SECURITY," Adam refers to the very latest in television advertising of computers.
BY "ADVERT," Adam means "I am secretly British."
BUT THE WORRISOMELY TALL person in those ads is not Ryan Stiles, but the great, different person named SETH MORRIS, known for his directorship of the UCB Theater WEST.
IF YOU WISH MORE INFORMATION, PHIL CAN PROVIDE IT.
THE REST, as always, is a mystery to me.
That is all.
"Is that actor Ryan Stiles as the security guard in the advert Security?" (sic)
BY "SECURITY," Adam refers to the very latest in television advertising of computers.
BY "ADVERT," Adam means "I am secretly British."
BUT THE WORRISOMELY TALL person in those ads is not Ryan Stiles, but the great, different person named SETH MORRIS, known for his directorship of the UCB Theater WEST.
IF YOU WISH MORE INFORMATION, PHIL CAN PROVIDE IT.
THE REST, as always, is a mystery to me.
That is all.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
AS MUCH AS I WANT PHIL TO BE HAPPY
I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS to any Playmobil where I am at the moment.
That is all.
That is all.
HAPPY NOW PHIL?
THIS POST is for Phil, who is concerned that I have not posted enough recently.
That is all.
That is all.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
THIS IS SO FREAKING MAGICAL
I CANNOT BELIEVE that I missed it, both in reality, and then on the internet.
That is all.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
LET ME LAY SOME BEATBOXING ON YOU
SINCE I SPENT THE GREATER PART OF THE MORNING slaving over this, I thought I'd get some extra use out of this longwinded comment on Jesse's THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA BLOG.
FOR THE FULL STORY, start here. I don't know why I get so huffy about this. Yes I do.
A) I love public radio, and I think Jesse's critique is not only valid, but is motivated by his own love for the form.
B) I found the public radio reporter's insults of Jesse to be annoying.
C) I don't feel like doing my real work this morning, nor have I taken any photographs of PLAMOBILS for you.
As always, internet, MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WILL.
BEGIN QUOTED TEXT
Hello
I think your letter, Jesse, was devastating and, to use some young-people's lingo, "right on."
Now having listened to the piece, I can't say I totally agree with your implication that Kalish didn't know what he was talking about. He clearly has been thinking about the subject for a while, and his curiosity and thoughtfulness in the piece are genuine.
But it would be disingenuous to suggest that the overall tone of the piece was not condescending, both toward the rap and the intelligence of the listener. The weekend edition intro to the piece actually borders on the contemptuous, though Kalish cannot really be held accountable for that.
But tone aside I just don't get what the story is here. Apparently there are street performers on the NYC subway! Yet Kalish does not do a story about the wacky, wild scene that goes down when guys come through the cars singing "FIRE NEXT TIME," or the car-to-car conga sessions sessions or breakdance circles that I've seen since moving to NYC in 1994.
Personally, I'd be furious if someone came into the C train and started cursing in front of my five year old. It actually happens all the time in NYC, but when it's a performer/captive audience situation, it gets more complicated and galling in equal measures. I think Kalish did well to challenge the performers on this, but he didn't exactly hold their feet to the fire on it either.
Finally, there is Kalish's gloss on the phenomenon as a return to hip hop's roots. I think that's an interesting point to make. But at the same time, it seemed to suggest that freestyling had somehow disappeared for several decades and is now just coming back. I'm not an expert by any means, but that can't be true, can it?
No--these points are all so under-explored that they feel like feints for what I can only conclude is Kalish's main story here: rap music "forced" on shocked subway riders. Some recoil in horror, some discover a new respect for this art form and their urban neighbors. Everyone turns off their radio happy.
A nice narrative cliche as it goes, but there's a problem: it doesn't seem to really be happening. The subway riders that Kalish turned to for the google-eyed-suburban-outrage reaction he seemed to expect basically offered instead a sane response: "that's life in NYC, and I kinda like it."
Yeah. Me too.
The only person who legitimately seemed agog in this situation was Kalish. So in this sense, I think it indeed works as a personal essay, charting one man's reaction to an interesting but hardly groundbreaking social phenomenon.
But even if we redefine the piece this way, it's still a personal essay about the boisterous invasion of an traditionally black music into the closed space of a subway car, where the boisterous, loud musicians quasi-literally hold captive an audience of (Kalish presumes) non-rap listeners.
Jesse is right: this is exoticism, and I share his offense. It's also, in my opinion, boring. I hear the cafeterial ladies rolled their eyes when the kids from Fame started dancing on the tables, too. Stop press.
Kalish is right to defend his record as a reporter and clarify its status as a freelance piece. He's certainly free to disagree with Jesse's assessment of the piece and NPR's cultural coverage in general.
But I think the fact that Kalish does not respond directly to Jesse, and indirectly does so only with insults, tells me just about everything I need to know: what a snob.
As an overweight 35 year old dad with hurty knees whose currency with rap basically ends at De La Soul is Dead, I'm not a pitchforky insider to this culture, nor am I by any definition a young podcasting lad. My own podcasting and blogging efforts are basically pathetic. And, like Jesse, I have done actual radio, including reported pieces (albeit not for NPR, but PRI).
So I have no suggestions for what sniffy bona fides Kalish should use to brush aside my own critique of his work. But I do think he owes Jesse an apology.
John Hodgman.
END QUOTED TEXT
That is all.
FOR THE FULL STORY, start here. I don't know why I get so huffy about this. Yes I do.
A) I love public radio, and I think Jesse's critique is not only valid, but is motivated by his own love for the form.
B) I found the public radio reporter's insults of Jesse to be annoying.
C) I don't feel like doing my real work this morning, nor have I taken any photographs of PLAMOBILS for you.
As always, internet, MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WILL.
BEGIN QUOTED TEXT
Hello
I think your letter, Jesse, was devastating and, to use some young-people's lingo, "right on."
Now having listened to the piece, I can't say I totally agree with your implication that Kalish didn't know what he was talking about. He clearly has been thinking about the subject for a while, and his curiosity and thoughtfulness in the piece are genuine.
But it would be disingenuous to suggest that the overall tone of the piece was not condescending, both toward the rap and the intelligence of the listener. The weekend edition intro to the piece actually borders on the contemptuous, though Kalish cannot really be held accountable for that.
But tone aside I just don't get what the story is here. Apparently there are street performers on the NYC subway! Yet Kalish does not do a story about the wacky, wild scene that goes down when guys come through the cars singing "FIRE NEXT TIME," or the car-to-car conga sessions sessions or breakdance circles that I've seen since moving to NYC in 1994.
Personally, I'd be furious if someone came into the C train and started cursing in front of my five year old. It actually happens all the time in NYC, but when it's a performer/captive audience situation, it gets more complicated and galling in equal measures. I think Kalish did well to challenge the performers on this, but he didn't exactly hold their feet to the fire on it either.
Finally, there is Kalish's gloss on the phenomenon as a return to hip hop's roots. I think that's an interesting point to make. But at the same time, it seemed to suggest that freestyling had somehow disappeared for several decades and is now just coming back. I'm not an expert by any means, but that can't be true, can it?
No--these points are all so under-explored that they feel like feints for what I can only conclude is Kalish's main story here: rap music "forced" on shocked subway riders. Some recoil in horror, some discover a new respect for this art form and their urban neighbors. Everyone turns off their radio happy.
A nice narrative cliche as it goes, but there's a problem: it doesn't seem to really be happening. The subway riders that Kalish turned to for the google-eyed-suburban-outrage reaction he seemed to expect basically offered instead a sane response: "that's life in NYC, and I kinda like it."
Yeah. Me too.
The only person who legitimately seemed agog in this situation was Kalish. So in this sense, I think it indeed works as a personal essay, charting one man's reaction to an interesting but hardly groundbreaking social phenomenon.
But even if we redefine the piece this way, it's still a personal essay about the boisterous invasion of an traditionally black music into the closed space of a subway car, where the boisterous, loud musicians quasi-literally hold captive an audience of (Kalish presumes) non-rap listeners.
Jesse is right: this is exoticism, and I share his offense. It's also, in my opinion, boring. I hear the cafeterial ladies rolled their eyes when the kids from Fame started dancing on the tables, too. Stop press.
Kalish is right to defend his record as a reporter and clarify its status as a freelance piece. He's certainly free to disagree with Jesse's assessment of the piece and NPR's cultural coverage in general.
But I think the fact that Kalish does not respond directly to Jesse, and indirectly does so only with insults, tells me just about everything I need to know: what a snob.
As an overweight 35 year old dad with hurty knees whose currency with rap basically ends at De La Soul is Dead, I'm not a pitchforky insider to this culture, nor am I by any definition a young podcasting lad. My own podcasting and blogging efforts are basically pathetic. And, like Jesse, I have done actual radio, including reported pieces (albeit not for NPR, but PRI).
So I have no suggestions for what sniffy bona fides Kalish should use to brush aside my own critique of his work. But I do think he owes Jesse an apology.
John Hodgman.
END QUOTED TEXT
That is all.
Monday, January 29, 2007
HAVE YOU SEEN THESE CRAZY ADS FOR MACINTOSH COMPUTERS?
FOR MORE INFORMATION on these fine gentlemen computers, you may use the internet.
MEANWHILE, I might note that, as of this writing, on MONDAY MORNING, I am scheduled to be on television TOMORROW, TUESDAY NIGHT, and not today.
THAT IS PART OF THE REASON that I will fail to make good on my promised PLAYMOBIL PHOTOGRAPHIC THROW-DOWN until later in the week.
THE OTHER REASON is that I am lazy.
That is all.
MEANWHILE, I might note that, as of this writing, on MONDAY MORNING, I am scheduled to be on television TOMORROW, TUESDAY NIGHT, and not today.
THAT IS PART OF THE REASON that I will fail to make good on my promised PLAYMOBIL PHOTOGRAPHIC THROW-DOWN until later in the week.
THE OTHER REASON is that I am lazy.
That is all.
Friday, January 26, 2007
BUT NOW, ONE TIME I WAS ALMOST ASIAN
APPARENTLY Tom and Sam are still stuck in the horrible, backward ancient era known as 2007.
That is all.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
"ONE WITH PLENTY OF GOOD MEAT STILL ON IT"
I MUST IMPOSE ON YOUR PATIENCE: the Playmobil thow-down is coming.
BUT I MUST ALSO INTERRUPT to bring you this late breaking bulletin from THE ONION
WHETHER THE SUBJECT IS HOBOES, RACOONS, OR PLAYMOBIL, it's good to be remind that the Onion trumps us all.
COURTESY: "ERIC" for bringing this to my attention.
That is all.
BUT I MUST ALSO INTERRUPT to bring you this late breaking bulletin from THE ONION
WHETHER THE SUBJECT IS HOBOES, RACOONS, OR PLAYMOBIL, it's good to be remind that the Onion trumps us all.
COURTESY: "ERIC" for bringing this to my attention.
That is all.
Monday, January 22, 2007
PLAYMO
OK, APE-LAD
I HAVE BEEN DREAMING of an old fashioned PLAYMO FEUD for years.
NOW It's on.
That is all.
I HAVE BEEN DREAMING of an old fashioned PLAYMO FEUD for years.
NOW It's on.
That is all.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
AN ALARMING PORTENT FROM ALBERTA
John Bowman, A CANADIAN, writes from Canada...
BEGIN QUOTED TEXT:
"After weaning five kittens of her own, this mother cat, Misty, took on
six baby skunks born at our zoo, The GuZoo Animal Farm, in Three Hills,
Alberta, shown in this recent handout photo. The skunk's natural mom
lost interest and wouldn't continue feeding them. Misty has been raising
the skunks for two weeks. (CP PHOTO/ HO/ GuZoo Animal Farm)
"John Bowman
Associate Producer
CBC News Online (the website of a Soviet-style state-run media
organization in Canada)"
END QUOTED TEXT:
As best as I can tell, the above photo is REAL AND UNRETOUCHED; it is also HEARTWARMING, even though it FOREBODES THE APOCALYPSE.*
A quick INTERNET INVESTIGATION INTO THE "GUZOO ANIMAL FARM" turns up no direct confirmation on the cat-skunk blended family (thanks for nothing, INTERNET)...
BUT I DO FEEL COMPELLED TO POINT OUT that the GuZoo Animal Farm does seem to be the target of frequent criticism for providing its non-human charges with inadequate shelter and care.
I DO NOT CLAIM TO KNOW THE FULL STORY HERE. Certainly in their defense one could argue that they are at the very least not allowing baby skunks to die, EVEN AT THE RISK OF APOCALYPSE.**
BUT INTERESTINGLY, at least one on-line petition urging the roadside zoo's closure includes one signature from a JASON BOWMAN.
WHAT IS HIS CONNECTION TO OUR CANADIAN CORRESPONDENT, JOHN BOWMAN?
At this point: NO ONE CAN TELL.
I will keep you posted.
MEANWHILE, thank you for watching television last night.
THAT IS ALL
*Please see my book, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE, for information regarding the ominous portent of CATS CONSORTING WITH SKUNKS.
**Please see the previous asterisk above.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
CRYPTONAUT!
THIS PARTICULAR FIND is uncanny enough as to be frightening.
PLUS, this news: 3M Performance Plus Wire Nuts are
NOW IN STOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLUS, this news: 3M Performance Plus Wire Nuts are
NOW IN STOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
NEAL BABY
HERE IS THE PHOTO OF "SINCERE NEAL" that I had found and wanted to post to the below.
UNFORTUNATELY old Blogger/new Blogger issues seemed to have scotched the effort.
I TRY AGAIN, and thanks go to Sugarfreak, whoever you are.
MEANWHILE, my thanks to all who came to KGB last night. It was great fun.
FRITOS AND MILK!
(my new sign off except for...
THAT IS ALL)
UNFORTUNATELY old Blogger/new Blogger issues seemed to have scotched the effort.
I TRY AGAIN, and thanks go to Sugarfreak, whoever you are.
MEANWHILE, my thanks to all who came to KGB last night. It was great fun.
FRITOS AND MILK!
(my new sign off except for...
THAT IS ALL)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
THIS EVENING
THIS EVENING I will be reading with my friend and former client Darin Strauss at the KGB bar in New York City in conjunction with Behind The Book, A FINE ORGANIZATION.
THIS WILL HAPPEN at 7PM, at 85 East 4th Street, up the stairs.
THIS WILL BE ONE OF MY RARE APPEARANCES without Mr. Coulton, whom I believe is still in Las Vegas.
THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED, in North Carolina, there was luckily a bagpiper on hand to offer some bagpipe music (IF YOU CAN CALL IT MUSIC! AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE? WHO'S WITH ME?).
I DO NOT KNOW IF THERE WILL BE ANYONE who happens to have a bagpipe or another kind of screechy musical instrument,
BUT DARIN'S NEW NOVEL is beautiful, and I will probably read about monsters, and the bar is an old favorite, so do stop by, bagpipers!
That is all.
THIS WILL HAPPEN at 7PM, at 85 East 4th Street, up the stairs.
THIS WILL BE ONE OF MY RARE APPEARANCES without Mr. Coulton, whom I believe is still in Las Vegas.
THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED, in North Carolina, there was luckily a bagpiper on hand to offer some bagpipe music (IF YOU CAN CALL IT MUSIC! AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE? WHO'S WITH ME?).
I DO NOT KNOW IF THERE WILL BE ANYONE who happens to have a bagpipe or another kind of screechy musical instrument,
BUT DARIN'S NEW NOVEL is beautiful, and I will probably read about monsters, and the bar is an old favorite, so do stop by, bagpipers!
That is all.
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