POST CANCELLED

A FAMOUS ACTOR just stepped in and saved me from completing an embarrassingly sincere and serious blog post.

I AM VERY GRATEFUL to him.

That is all.

NEW THEORIES ABOUT THE CRYSTAL SKULLS

THANKS TO SEAN MCDONALD, I have discovered this PROVOCATIVE LINK from a blog called NOTCOT...

REGARDING DAN AYKROYD AND HIS KINGDOM OF CRYSTAL SKULLS, mentioned earlier on this non-blog.

READING IT, WE MUST CONCLUDE either...

a) CRYSTAL HEAD VODKA is a real product, and not an elaborate, deadpan joke.

b) CRYSTAL HEAD VODKA is a fake product, and NOTCOT is a part of the worldwide, Aykroyd-Tricks-the-Internet conspiracy.

c) CRYSTAL HEAD VODKA is a fake product, and indeed an elaborate deadpan joke, but one that is so elaborate that they ACTUALLY MADE THE FAKE PRODUCT in order to trick people into thinking it is real.

FOR ALL OBVIOUS REASONS, I am pulling for option C.

HOWEVER, this interview turned up by "NOTCOT," if that is indeed their name, suggests that the answer=A: Dan Aykroyd is simply a deadly earnest ufologist who loves to drink.

AND IS THAT REALLY SO BAD?

That is all.

IMAGE courtesy: "NOTCOT"

THE MYSTERY OF THE CRYSTAL HEADS

The Crystal Head Vodka website contains no ordering information.

BUT IT DOES FEATURE THE MASONIC SQUARE AND COMPASS!

Huh?

ALSO: BEVMO! has it listed, but it is mysteriously not available.

COINCIDENCE?

ALSO: I SAW GHOSTBUSTERS 1 at the same time I was first reading the novel DUNE...all during a childhood trip to YALE, where I would later go to college.

COINCIDENCE?

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU that while I was at Yale, I was telepathically tutored by the crystal skull of Geronimo in the tomb of the Skull and Bones secret society!

It isn't true, of course. (I was never a Bonesman). But WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I WAS!?

That is all.

CRYSTAL HEAD VODKA

THIS COMES IN via The Hater, and I don't know what to say.

IMAGINE ALL THE HERKY-JERK pitchman verbiage of Dan Aykroyd's classic commercial parodies from SNL as filtered through the X-Files, Tony Little, and the Swan Orientation Film, and THREE LAYERS OF HERKIMER DIAMONDS,

THEN ACTUALLY ADD DAN AYKROYD and you get:

CRYSTAL SKULL VODKA



NOT SINCE Dick Van Patten's Hobo Chili for Dogs have I confronted a product so strange and marvelously implausible that I feel robbed somehow of what might have been a beautiful, sublime joke, were it not all so undeniably real.

(AND IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT about the quality of spirits produced in the province of Newfoundland, may I recommend THE SCREECH?)

That is all.

UPDATE: because they care about me, THE VULTURE POSITS that this may all be part of an oblique, GHOSTBUSTERS III viral campaign. I hope so. It would be one of the most beautiful deadpan jokes of all time, were it so. And worthy of Dan Aykroyd. But on the other hand, he does apparently have a real, non-joke, non-viral, fascination with the paranormal, so who knows?

I FIND THIS INTRIGUING

VERY INTRIGUING

That is all.

COKIE

I THINK ARGUMENTS of "media bias" are almost always a pointless, joyless hedge maze to enter.

HOWEVER, I CONFESS to fuming frequently at my Tivoli radio while listening to NPR this year (I live in Park Slope) whenever Cokie Roberts came on to casually, Kristen Wiig-ily undermine Obama.

SUCH IS HER RIGHT. I trust she calls them as she sees them. But as Josh Marshall suggests this morning, on the issue of BOSNIAKS, she seems to be wrong.

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

Watching the debate I noticed that Biden referred to the Muslim population of Bosnia and Herzegovina as "Bosniaks". This is actually the correct term, though in English people often say simply Bosnian Muslims. When he said it, the first thing I though was, I wonder how many right-wingers would jump on this as a gaffe on the model of candidate George W. Bush's reference to 'Grecians.'

I don't know who else exposed their own ignorance by falling into this trap. But Cokie Roberts did.

--Josh Marshall/TPM

END QUOTED TEXT

WATCH BELOW as Cokie attempts to weave a false equivalency between Biden's using an actual, legitimate term and Palin's FORGETTING THE NAME OF OUR COMMANDER IN AFGHANISTAN--confusing General McKiernan with "General McClellan."

(ALSO WATCH for a great Doris Kearns Goodwin cameo. She catches Palin's error right away, but I think that's because she knew McClellan personally. Lincoln introduced them).



LOOK, I don't know the Bosniaks. Maybe Josh Marshall is wrong on this one. But I think Cokie's smirking-with-intent is obvious here, and if Marshall's intel is correct, she owes Biden an apology.

OR ELSE: I'm just lost in the hedge maze.

That is all.

UPDATE: To be fair, I guess she COULD have picked on him for not knowing that Katie's, a Delaware restaurant he mentioned, closed decades ago.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN

BUT TO ALL THOSE DEMOCRATS who implied (or told me outright) 2 wks ago that they feared Americans were "TOO STUPID" to vote right,

HERE is why this election is so exciting.

That is all.

ADVANTAGE=?

IF YOU SEE MY TWEETS up there in the upper right, you know that I was pretty wowed by Biden in the final run.

MOST AGREE on CNN that Palin and Biden made no major flubs, however. So in terms of pundit perception: ADVANTAGE PALIN. And I think that consensus is settling in, at least in the FILTER OF THE MEDIA.

THAT SAID, she did call General McKiernan "General McClellan." That's an absurd thing to say, and should count as a major flub. But no one on CNN seems to have noticed.

THAT SAID, the first snap poll says 51% of respondents say Biden "won." And 53% still feel that she is not qualified to be President (down from 54%). That shut up the "Palin stuck the landing" meme for a moment there, so what do I know?

That is all.

ADVANTAGE PALIN

SINCE NO ONE ASKED, and yet the internet demands words,

FLUBS MATTER MOST--misstatements of fact, flustered moments of silence, obvious "dog ate homework" moments, and other assorted COURICIANA.

HERE IS THE FLOWCHART as I see it.

Palin flubs + Biden flubs = ADVANTAGE PALIN. Storyline="Everybody is human."

Neither flubs = ADVANTAGE PALIN. Storyline= "Palin didn't flub."

Palin doesn't flub + Biden flubs = MAJOR ADVANTAGE PALIN. Storyline="What's the problem with Joe Biden?"

Palin flubs + Biden doesn't flub = ADVANTAGE THE UNIVERSE. Storyline= Palin exits the national stage.

I WOULD TAKE NO GLEE IN THIS, but I would be relieved. In any case, Biden must not flub.

THE WILD CARD: will Biden attack?

PALIN CERTAINLY WILL. It is part of "Palin being Palin."

I TRUST that Biden has been counseled neither to attack nor counter-attack Palin. It is a massive risk, and he has nothing to gain.

I AM SURE that Biden agrees with this strategy as of this writing.

I AM NOT SO SURE that he will follow it. In the heat of the moment he may not be able to help himself.

If he succumbs, ADVANTAGE PALIN--even if (especially if) she flubs. Storyline="Biden=mean."

AS YOU SEE, by my goofball reasoning at least, that's four possible PALIN FTWs, and only one out for the entire universe.

IT ALL DEPENDS ON BIDEN'S SELF CONTROL.

I like Biden. But I will be drinking.

That is all.

MARQUEE ATTRACTION

ALSO, THAT ACTUALLY IS the Coolidge Corner Theater (nee "Moviehouse") in GQ this month

AND I ACTUALLY DID used to put those letters up on the marquee back when I worked there in the early nineties (the 20th century).

(BUT AT THAT TIME, we used a long, long mechanical arm with a claw on the end, BECAUSE EVERYTHING WAS BETTER IN THE PAST.)

AND I ACTUALLY WILL BE APPEARING THERE, with COULTON, on October 22, at 6PM to promote my new BOOK, which will be sold by THE BROOKLINE BOOKSMITH,

WHERE I ACTUALLY bought my first copy of LORD OF THE RINGS.

ALL OF THIS IS TRUE, and yet still unbelievable, at least to me.

That is all.

BOING

HELLO AGAIN, bOINGbOINGists

IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN through the internet.

GUESS WHAT I LEARNED TO DO since last time? PROPER EMBEDDING TECHNIQUES.

WITNESS:



(I REALLY HOPE THIS WORKS)

MEANWHILE, HERE IS AN ACTUAL NOTE left for me in my room by the management of the CHATEAU MARMONT after viewing my last visit to BoingBoingTV...


THEY REALLY DID OFFER the best Soylent Green in Los Angeles. I hope they bring it back.

ALSO, MAY I PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE THIS TRAFFICKY MOMENT TO RECOMMEND...

SHOPSIN

?

That is all.

THE INTERNET NEEDS MORE PHOTOS OF WONDRICH

LUCKILY, there is Sachs, aka "My Uncle, Traveling Sachs."

That is all.

THIS POST IS FOR JOEL LOVELL

SORRY I'VE BEEN AWAY SO LONG, Joel.

AS PER OUR conversation this morning on the streets of BROOKLYN,

AND IN ANSWER to your request for more political blogging,

(A REQUEST YOU ARE ALONE IN MAKING)

HERE is a much better assessment of why my TWITTERING about the debate was ALL WRONG.

THAT MY COME-UPPANCE should come at the hands of PAT BUCHANAN is appropriately shaming.

AS I SAID IN FRONT OF THAT COFFEE SHOP, what we who refresh political blogs all day long forget is this:

THERE ARE A LOT OF DEMOCRATS who like but are still wary of Obama--FOR WHATEVER REASON--and are waiting for a cue that it's OK to support him.

CERTAIN FORMER PRESIDENTS are not giving them that cue, but apparently, on Friday night, OBAMA DID.

WHAT'S MORE, since I am used to McCain's unnerving blinkyness and weird, mad smiles, the fact that he did not end up screaming obscenities just made him seem like a statesman to me.

BUT I GUESS TO THOSE WHO DO NOT REFRESH POLITICAL BLOGS ALL DAY, his angry condescension seemed surprising, and unpleasant.

ALL THE MORE REASON we should step away from the blogs and get out into the world, especially those parts of the world known as battleground states.

I ALSO STAND BY the other statement I made in front of that coffee shop: I NEED SOME MORE COFFEE

That is all.

A SECOND SHADOUT TO KING, BOINGBOING

I HAVE BEEN OUT OF TOWN, visiting the celebrity enclaves of LOS ANGELES and now ORLANDO FLORIDA, so please forgive the non-existent posting.

COURTESY XENI, here---FINALLY---is the corrected embed of the famous "KAKI KING" episode:



AND COURTESY XENI AGAIN, here is a link to Kaki's astonishing DUNE NERD-DOM, which makes me love her all the more.

AND COURTESY XENI and all at BoingBoingTV in the future, stay on the look out for "SPAMASTERPIECE THEATER" and other MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE.

That is all.

ASK KAKI KING ABOUT THE SHADOUT MAPES

LOOK, XENI did another perfect interview.

BUT YOU HAVE NOT LIVED until you hear Kaki King recite the opening monologue from DUNE in front of a FULL ROCK BAND.



AND YES: this embed may break the borders, but it is worth it!

That is all.

I HAD LUNCH WITH JOHN SELLERS YESTERDAY

I HAD LUNCH with my former editor/former client/former DONKEY KONG CHAMP/and always pal John Sellers yesterday.

AND THEN HE SENT ME this curious internet video from THE PAST:



OF COURSE, YOU ALL KNOW MY DREAM of being called "Mr. Intellivision" some day.

BUT CAN ANY OF YOU EXPLAIN the child's weird, gape-mouthed stare at the end of this commercial?

IS THE JOKE HERE supposed to be that neither George Plimpton nor Henry Thomas of recognize each other?

REALLY? Were there really that many TV watchers in 1980 who loved both ET and The Paris Review enough to find this little screwball mix-up so hilarious that they would then run out and buy INTELLIVISIONS?

IS THAT REALLY THE POINT of this ad?

OR IS POOR HENRY THOMAS JUST CHOKING ON SOMETHING?

ANSWER=unknown.

The whole thing is so weirdly paced, opaque, and odd. It reminds me of ANOTHER COMMERCIAL YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN RECENTLY.

That is all.

!

IT WAS POTTS who first instructed me to read David Foster Wallace's article on cruise ships in the January, 1996 issue of Harper's.

IT WAS MY FIRST exposure to his brilliance and his many beautiful footnotes.

INCLUDING THE SHORTEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL FOOTNOTE of all time.

BEGIN quoted text:

But it turns out that, of these six guys [a group of skeet shooters DFW has encountered on a cruise ship].... the last has not only his own earmuffs, plus his own shotgun in a special crushed-velvet-lined case, but also his own skeetshooting ranger in his backyard (130) in North Carolina.

(130): !

END quoted text.

IT WAS JUST A LITTLE PUNCTUATION JOKE, but in it I found so much to aspire to: the cynicism undone by fearless wonder, the formal playfulness, and the utter and inspiring freedom...

THESE ARE THE THINGS that make his work so challenging, and yet also so gracious. By reading him, we all got better.

I AM NOT ONE OF THE SAD ONES who have the privilege to miss him personally. But I do miss him.

NO ONE HAS EVER INVENTED PUNCTUATION MARK that can contain all the shock and sadness we felt when we learned the news,

AND NOW THAT HE IS GONE, I am afraid that no one ever will.

That is all.

BOINGBOING and BOING again

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, here is last week's BoingBoing TV episode featuring Xeni, a hotel, and my socks.

NOW FULLY EMBEDDED:



That is all.

PRETTY CHILLING

OBVIOUSLY one doesn't know the full context and all the small legalities of the moment.

BUT ON ITS FACE, this does not leave one with a good feeling.



STILL: DID WE REALLY NEED the guy dressed up like a pea pod?

That is all.

WHAT SAM DOESN'T LIKE ABOUT SOFTWARE

ONE SURPRISING FACT that came out around all the color scheme hoopla:

SAM POTTS has a secret blog.

AND ON THAT BLOG, he inadvertently provides YOUR FIRST GLIMPSE into the pages of MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE, which he designed.

HE ALSO swears a lot.

That is all.