HELLO, KELLY AND LEX

To reply to Kelly and Lex from the comments below, let me clarify regarding my decision to leave the Democratic party should Clinton become the nominee.

First, I did not say I would vote for John McCain. No matter what happens, I will vote for the nominee whose ideals are closest to my own. Despite my self-smear as a latte drinker above, I am actually pretty small-government in my social and economic thinking, and so I doubt I would ever be able to vote for a person aligned with the privacy invaders of the anti-abortion, anti-gay right wing.

Second, I support Obama because I support the party. I believe that Obama as nominee will strengthen and broaden the party. I think his nomination is our best shot at winning the presidency with a broad, clear mandate and in winning back to our cause the independents and moderate Republicans that the Clintons, rightly or wrongly, seem to have lost.

(ironically, they lost them over the same tactics they used to seek them, but more on that later)

Pragmatically, such a mandate would create coattails upon which other Democrats, as well as Independents and Republicans I agree with, will be able to ride into office. Far more so than a scorched-earth, 51%, dare-I-say Clintonian victory in November, this kind of mandate and broad based electoral success is our best chance of actually enacting the kind of change both candidates want to make.

Third, Obama represents the model of the Democratic party I wish to belong to. It is a party that is inclusive. It is a party that does not tell me that I'm the wrong kind of Democrat (ie, latte-drinking). It is a party that does not imply that the Democrats of Texas or Iowa don't count because they don't fit into the electoral calculus. It is a party that is committed to innovative grass roots organizing: raising funds and building policy support voter by voter in all 50 states, and does not rely solely on entrenched political machines and top-down, mass media, which is dying.

I acknowledge that Obama is not pure-as-driven snow on these metrics. I am sure some may find quotes that would support that he alienated a voter there, or benefited from a political machine here. But is clear at least to me that he is closer to the mark on these principles than his rival, and he is a leader insofar as he is showing us why they matter so very much. These models for the party, especially the matter of inclusiveness, are not merely inspiring ideas, but also represent a blueprint for what I would consider to be a broader, more vibrant, and more powerful Democratic party.

Fourth, and to specifically answer Lex, I do not dislike Hillary Clinton. I voted for her husband twice, and I think she would be a capable president, were there not a better option available.

However, she nonetheless represents what I consider to be a model for a failed Democratic party. A party that divides its own membership against one another--by suggesting that a rival is not black enough, for example, or too maybe-Muslim--in order to conquer it. A party that prefers a meaningless, symbolic conflict over an effective struggle, or reasonable compromise. A party that is essentially unprincipled, following the DLC line of tacking further and further to the right to capture what I consider to be a mythical conservative majority until finally it is merely a shadow republicanism. A party that mocks inspiration and villifies optimism.

Again, I do not just find these qualities loathsome. Pragmatically, they add up to a party that loses elections, loses core support, and presides over a dwindling collection of special interests instead of a national movement. Our success in 2006 stemmed from our firm principled opposition to the war, resonating with a motivated electorate, and our embrace of disillusioned republicans like Jim Webb. Yet we have retreated from that stance ever since. On the war alone, the defining issue of our day, there is little meaningful difference between McCain and Clinton. If Clinton's democratic party is, in policy and tactics, merely a shadow of the Republican party, then independents and moderate republicans will simply and understandably vote for the real thing.

Fifth, and this goes without saying, my loyalty is to my country and its principles first, not to the private enterprise that is a modern political party. Like most, I didn't choose my political party, I inherited it. I've always been proud of it and its stances. But I think we see a clear difference here not only in which way the country goes, but the party. If Clinton is nominated, and especially so if she is nominated without a clear electoral mandate, then I will conclude the democratic party is not interested in being the party I think it can become, the party I wish to be a part of. And while I might vote the democratic ticket in the future, I would in that case become an independent.

I hope that all make sense. Did you notice? NO CAPS!

That is all.

HOPE ON A CRACKER

H in Sunrays on Cracker.
Originally uploaded by weirdel.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, this easy-cheese reminder from Weirdel that

IT IS TIME FOR THE HOBOES TO TAKE OVER THE US GOVERNMENT.

Vote.

That is all.

MY TWO CENTS, WHICH ARE WORTH EXACTLY 1/2 OF A CENT

I AGREE WITH BILL SCHER'S FOOLISH PREDICTIONS, though it is not a happy agreement.

Obama's message since Wisconsin has been that the delegate math proves that OBAMA IS INEVITABLE, and that message has consistently annoyed voters in this primary.

AN ALTERNATE, and better story might have been that the delegate math proves that, unless Obama is the clear nominee, there WILL BE a brokered convention.

FOR, AS I HAVE NOTED BEFORE, the voters have consistently rejected the notion that this election be decided by super delegates, the press, or anyone who is not them.

ALL DEMOCRATS and all voters instinctively loathe the idea of the brokered convention.

AND A BROKERED CONVENTION WILL HAPPEN if Clinton wins both OH and TX, or maybe even just OH, as she is unlikely to step aside EVER.

I TRUST OBAMA has been concentrating on his ground game, as that produced large wins in what had seemed like close races, as in Wisconsin. I hope that's what happens here.

BUT IF HE LOSES EITHER OH OR TX, I think it will be because of this rhetorical error.

(And also, I think, because of the insidious, Limbaugh-esque pigeonholing of his supporters as latte-swilling liberal freaks. Far more than the empty-suit-plagiarist-crypto-muslim-weak-baby smears that have gotten all the attention, I think THAT is what's really driving working class Democrats to Clinton in Ohio. AND I DON'T JUST SAY THAT BECAUSE I AM A LATTE-SWILLING LIBERAL FREAK)

AND IF OBAMA LOSES BOTH OH AND TX, I think it's over. Because at that point the nomination will go to whomever wants it enough to destroy the party over it, and I think that person is Hillary Clinton.

AND NOT THAT IT SHOULD MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU, but if Hillary Clinton wins the nomination, I'm leaving the party.

I MAKE THIS PROMISE TO YOU, in internet writing.

That is all.

I HAVE BEEN OUT OF TOWN

...at the TED conference, and now I am trying to figure out if it really happened.

I KNOW IT SOMEHOW involved both Craig Venter and Goldie Hawn.

BUT THAT cannot be true, can it? WAS IT A DREAM?

Meanwhile, I just matched Mark F.'s contribution to Obama. I will let you know if he writes back to me.

That is all.

YES: I READ ANDREW SULLIVAN

AND I AGREE with him.

MORE GARFIELD minus Garfield is found here.

That is all.

A CULTURAL SINGULARITY BEYOND WHICH THERE IS NO RETURN

IF YOU ARE TRULY interested in fact-fiction event horizons, please see:

COULTON playing his own STAY ALIVE on Rock Band accompanied by that old anthem rock power trio,

LAPORTE, MANN, & BELMONT

I am very angry I could not be there.

AND NOW SO ARE YOU.

That is all.

COURTESY: Ms. Belmont for the link and video. Click the second link above to learn more about these INCREDIBLE MUSICIANS.

CRYSTAL METH: FRIEND OR FOE?

THERE IS NO TIME FOR pithy commentary.

IT IS SIMPLY IMPERATIVE that you go here, now.

LINK COURTESY: Sean McDonald.

That is all.

IN OTHER NEWS: TOUGH

IN OTHER NEWS, I always knew that my friend and my editor Paul Tough was a very smart person and a very fine writer about aliens and humans

(AND not a bad singer, as you will recall if you attended the LITTLE GRAY BOOK LECTURE on the subject of "What Will Happen in the Future").

BUT I AM ASTONISHED by how astute and readable his political blogging is.

ESPECIALLY compared to mine.

WHY DON'T YOU SUBSCRIBE TO HIS WEBSITE RIGHT NOW?

There is no reasonable answer.

That is all.

THE CENTER OF THE WORLD

RAMONA brings my attention to this SHIRT

DESIGNED BY one Ian Leino.

IT IS the best picture we have to date of the world of the MOLE-MEN.

SO WHY DON'T YOU IMMEDIATELY BUY IT?

I trust you see my logic.

That is all.

FROM THE COMMENTS

"TIM" WRITES from the comments:

"You know what would really complement a cape? A goatee. The last time we elected a president with facial hair was 1908. Exactly one hundred years ago. The time for a comeback has arrived."

OBVIOUSLY I agree, and that is why I was so excited when Al Gore grew a beard.

HOWEVER, not a goatee. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. As we learned in the NINETEEN NINETIES, the goatee is the facial hair of the desperately ambivalent, and that is not what we need in a PRESIDENT today.

(ALSO, The Potts Famous Beard Manual indicates that a GOATEE signifies "false hopes" and "flash over substance." As well it is suggested that the GOATEER is someone who might lead a "CULT OF PERSONALITY" and maybe even "QUOTE WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION." And as you know, THOSE ARE THE WORST THINGS ON EARTH.)

That is all.

AND REGARING THE ELVEN vs. ERMINE vs. SUPER-HERO CAPE-CLOAK DEBATE GOING ON IN THE COMMENTS

WHAT I HAD IN MIND was more of a Roosevelt-at-Yalta cape, as per this HISTORICAL IMAGE.

I THINK THIS IS SOME KIND OF TRADITIONAL naval watch cloak.

(BUT IF THERE IS A CAPE HISTORIAN or "cloakist" in the crowd, please do enlighten me.)





UPDATED: Though of course, your imagination need not be restrained to this particular model if something like this is more up your alley.



I JUST DON'T THINK IT'LL WIN ELECTIONS.

That is all.

OBAMA EN-MANTLED

Obama with cloak
Originally uploaded by Trophiogrande.

AS PER yesterday's post. Here is Trophiogrande's rendition of Obama wearing a cape.

That is all.

SINCERITY POST

IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS by the tenor of my recent posts and the recent Obama victories that

I AM NO LONGER TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.

I AM NO LONGER AS DESPERATELY WORRIED AS I WAS that my preferred candidate for President (hint: Obama)--who represents what I consider to be the smart, inclusive, decent, and inspiring Democratic politics of the future--might be KIDNEY PUNCHED TO DEATH by the grim Rovian politics of the past.

AND I AM NO LONGER AS PROFOUNDLY DEPRESSED AS I WAS that Hillary Clinton, whom I've always liked and defended, was the one doing the Rovian kidney punching.

SO YOU NICE PEOPLE MAY GET SOME RELIEF from the relentlessly sincere posts about politics and my worries

AND SOON WE CAN ALL GET BACK TO THE MOLE-MEN.

That said, I will offer just 2 MORE BLASTS OF PURE, EMBARRASSING, NAIVE SINCERITY...

SINCERITY BLAST ONE!:

If you are perceived as being the darling candidate of the young, educated, liberal activists, you don't really change that impression by having your triumph in MADISON, WISCONSIN.

TO THIS POINT: Obama's little joke about his whispered conversation with a Republican who had come to the Obama fold was funny. But I winced when it became clear he was only using the exchange as a joke.

IF WE ARE ALL INDEED EACH OTHER'S KEEPER, he needed to call back to that Republican handshake in his speech, and remind his young, educated, liberal activists that the Republicans are humans as well. We need to welcome and talk to them, and not just in an embarrassed whisper. We need to stop demonizing one another by party, by region, by class, by race. And the logical next step after that rally was to urge every one of those young, educated, liberal activists to go out into their state and meet their neighbors--not just to spread the word; but also to just shake hands.

It's not just good politics for the primary. It's not just how we'll form a new, strong, young, inclusive Democratic party. It's what the Obama candidacy, at its best, is all about.

SINCERITY BLAST TWO!

I like the fact that Obama is ahead of Clinton by about .338787 of a delegate, or whatever it is. It is appropriate for him to take up the mantle of the front runner at this point.

(AND WERE YOU AWARE of the meaning of the word "mantle" in this context? It means a kind of ceremonial cloak or cape)

HOWEVER: It seems to me wrong to promote Obama's nomination as INEVITABLE, as Obama's campaign seems to be doing.

Many have come off the crazy ups and downs of this race and called it absolutely unpredictable. All roller coasters feel that way when you're on them. But when you actually look at it from the outside, you see the peaks and valleys, and twists and turns are clearly structured and very predictable.

EVERY TIME CLINTON OR OBAMA is coronated as "inevitable"--by themselves or others--they lose. Look at what happened between Iowa and New Hampshire.

EVERY TIME CLINTON OR OBAMA is portrayed as the insurgent--by themselves or others--they win. Look what happened bewteen New Hampshire and South Carolina.

HISTORICALLY, no matter what you've read, AMERICANS HATE AN UNDERDOG--they love a winner. HENCE: BUSH.

BUT IN THIS RACE ESPECIALLY, voters HATE HATE HATE the presumption that someone else will be making this decision for them--be it the press, the superdelegates, the pundits, or the candidates themselves--before they've made up their own minds.

Obama is absolutely correct to capitalize on his winning momentum and A GENIUS to start taking his arguments directly to McCain, where he should finally show off the substantive policy chops the voters want and need to see.

But the primary races still to come will be hard. They could easily shift the balance back to Clinton, especially if she is able to cast Obama, perversely, as the establishment candidate, the pre-coronated king.

If Obama is to limit the inevitable sympathy vote that will accrue to her in the states to come, he needs to resist wearing a crown. He needs to remind Americans that his candidacy, if only by virtue of its inclusiveness, is ALWAYS at a disadvantage next to the harsh political gaming of Rove and his proteges.

The real triumph will come when he wins in spite of it.

OK, that is all I am going to say about all this. Since I have become NOTHING BUT A SHILL, I'll encourage you now to donate.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I THINK YOU WILL AGREE: it is time for Obama to start wearing some kind of actual cloak or cape on the campaign trail.

BECAUSE I THINK THAT WOULD LOOK AMAZING.

(Maybe Ape-Lad can envision it for us some day.)

That is all.

I GIVE UP

JUST GO here.

That is all.

THERE IS NO OS CONSPIRACY

I merely entered the embed code wrong.

I APOLOGIZE.

Try this:




THAT IS ALL

WOODCHUCK COME LOOK AT IT?

THE DRIEST JOKE on the internet today.



THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS with this idea:

1) WRONG operating system.
2) UNTIL they get a monotreme up and running, I REMAIN SKEPTICAL.

That is all.

DERRICK

NOT MUCH TIME for pontificating today. I AM TRYING TO WRITE EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT MASSACHUSETTS.

BUT ENJOY THIS if you like watching pointless confrontation become meaningful conversation.



That is all we need right now

THAT IS ALL.

THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME CONFUSION

THE PERSON WHO DELIVERED BEACON, NY to Obama and did all that volunteering and good writing below was DAVID REES, not me.

I live in Brooklyn and have just been blogging.

POORLY.

That is all.

FROM DAVID REES PART 2

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT FROM DAVID REES

We held Hillary to a measly five-point victory in Dutchess county, one of
the slimmest margins in the state.

Obama won in Beacon [NY]

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MY ENORMOUS YARD SIGNS.

Here's an interesting article, positing that Obama's campaign itself speaks
to his strategic and executive abilities.

To which I can only add: Any candidate that can convince an agoraphobic,
depressive internet addict like myself to stand on a highway overpass waving
a sign and talking to strangers is a GODDAMN STRATEGIC MASTERMIND.

END QUOTED TEXT

That is all.

HOLD NO LEVEL OF FEAR

That is all.

HOPE

AND VOTE

NO MATTER WHOM YOU ARE SUPPORTING, there are few actions that are so profoundly entwined and joyfully United Statesean as these.

AND FEWER STILL that have been so hard won, and so nobly, by those who were unable to do either.

AS YOU KNOW, these two rights and responsibilities of citizenship were not won in 1776.

IF YOU ARE TO BELIEVE JEFFERSON, we were born with them long before that year, for one is liberty, and the other the pursuit of happiness.

AND EVEN AFTER OUR REVOLUTION, many of us had years of fighting still before they got them.

AND WE ARE ALL STILL FIGHTING, year after year, election day after election day. Because as difficult as it is to accept, there are those still, this very day, who will rob us of both if they can.

PLUS: you get a little sticker and maybe a brownie if there's a bake sale on.

SEE YOU AT THE POLLS.

That is all.

3,000 PEOPLE IS NOT NO PEOPLE

I WILL SAY THIS THOUGH, whoever suggested the Meadowlands for today's Obama rally should consider resigning.

ESPECIALLY WHEN the alternative was a much more public-transit friendly arena in Cory Booker's backyard.

"Mayor Cory A. Booker of Newark, who was at the rally, said that the rainy and snowy weather, the mid-workday timing and the relative lack of access to the Meadowlands were to blame. Mr. Booker said that he had hoped to play host to the event at the Prudential Center in downtown Newark, which is much easier to reach via public transportation and — for the city’s thousands of office workers — by foot."

That is all.

FROM DAVID REES

THIS JUST ARRIVED in my mailbox from the great David Rees, creator of the comic strip GET YOUR WAR ON.

I DO NOT KNOW ANY CLIP ART CARTOONISTS who are funnier, more principled, and less likely to swoon for a politician.

AND THAT IS WHY I feel compelled to pass this on.

REES has been organizing for Obama tirelessly up in Beacon, NY, as he knows that even if Obama loses the state, he will keep the delegates he wins here.

(CHECK AND SEE IF THIS IS THE CASE IN YOUR STATE AS WELL, and then vote, for heaven's sake).

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING? Bloggin'.

SO YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO DAVID REES:

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT.

Dear Mailing List,

In the eight years I've managed this list I've never agitated for a politician. I hope you'll let me abuse your trust this one time.

If you're a friend of mine, or a fan of "Get Your War On," you probably know how important the issue of cluster bombs and landmines is to me.

It was America's use of cluster bombs during Operation: Enduring Freedom that led me to start GYWO seven(!) years ago this fall, and it has been my pleasure and my honor to donate the royalties from the two GYWO anthologies to Mine Detection & Dog Center Team #5, a landmine removal team in western Afghanistan.

If you ever attended a GYWO reading, you probably sat through my video of landmine removal teams in the field, or listened to me read off statistics about that dangerous mission, or indulged me by taking an informational flyer about MDC Team #5 and the sacred work they do.

(If you bought one of the GYWO books, you've helped that work, and I thank you.)

Cluster bombs and landmines are particularly terrifying weapons that wreak havoc on communities trying to recover from war. They are fatal impediments to reconstruction and rehabilitation of agricultural land; they destroy valuable livestock; they disable otherwise productive members of society; they maim or kill children trying to salvage them for scrap metal.

Over 150 nations have signed the 1997 Mine Ban Treaty. It pains me that our great nation has not. But in the autumn of 2006, there was a chance to take a step in the right direction: Senate Amendment No. 4882, an amendment to a Pentagon appropriations bill that would have banned the use of cluster bombs in civilian areas.

Senator Obama of Illinois voted IN FAVOR of the ban.

Senator Clinton of New York voted AGAINST the ban.

Analysts say Clinton did want to risk appearing "soft on terror," as it would have harmed her electibility.

I'm not a single-issue voter. But as Obama and Clinton share many policy positions, this vote was revelatory for me. After all, Amendment No. 4882 was an easy one to vote against: Who'd want to risk accusation of "tying the hands of the Pentagon" during a never-ending, global War on Terror? As is so often the case, there was no political cost to doing the wrong thing. And there was no political reward for doing the right thing.

But Senator Obama did the right thing.

Is Senator Obama perfect? Of course not. Nobody who voted for 2005's wack-ass energy bill is perfect. Nobody who voted to reauthorize the Patriot Act is perfect.

But of the two remaining Democratic candidates, one decided her vote on Amendment No. 4882 according to a political calculation. The other used a moral calculation.

I'm 35 years old, and over the years, I've had two experiences in the voting booth: I've voted for politicians I really respected, who I knew could never win. And I've voted for politicians I didn't really respect, because I knew they could win.

Tomorrow, I'm going to vote for a politician I really respect, who I know can win.

(DEEP BREATH)

I urge you to vote Senator Barack Obama for the Democratic Party's nominee for President of the United States.

Thanks,
David Rees

END QUOTED TEXT

Please note that David is interviewing Amy Sedaris on Feb 7 at 7PM at the Brooklyn Public Library, and for free TO BOOT!

That is all

CARTOON COURTESY: Rees

NOW WE NEED A COULTON VERSION

That is all.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

I CAN SEE a cynical argument that points out that most Americans don't care what Michael from LOST or Scarlett Johansson thinks about politics.

BUT I SURE THINK this is beautiful.



Whatever you do: VOTE. And PS: NY is not a winner-takes-all primary.

That is all.

FROM YOUR COMMENTS

BRANDON, from your comments, shares this link, one of my favorite moments in television.

IN CASE YOU were fool enough to believe that words don't matter:



THAT IS ALL

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT LIVE

(I DID, but I'm glad to have seen it now.)



I REMEMBER once being asked for advice on parenting. Deciding to be sincere about it for once, I simply said: JUST WATCH MR. ROGERS. I could tell you what I think on the subject, or what I've learned from my own experience, but why bother?: EVERYTHING FRED ROGERS KNOWS AND SAYS ABOUT CHILDREN IS CORRECT, and I realize this astonishing fact again, every day.

SO I SAY: just watch.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

That is all.

SCRABBLE REPORT

BELATED CONGRATULATIONS to Elaine and Davin, who were extremely good company and beat Oliver and me...

UNFAIR AND SQUARE.

DAVIN TELLS THE TRUE STORY of how it all went down.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN for contributing to the event. It was exceedingly fun. I wish it happened every weekend. And it raised MANY AMERICAN DOLLARS for the cause OF CHILDREN.

That is all.

Photo of triumph COURTESY: the website of THE SCHOOL LIBRARY JOURNAL (!), though I forget exactly who took it.

THIS BOILS IT DOWN FOR ME.

THIS ISSUE OF HONESTY AND INTEGRITY that is so compelling that it has literally chased every last laff off this page, alas.



That is all.

IN RESPONSE TO JESSE'S POST

I LOVE RANDY NEWMAN as much as the next guy.

BUT I ALSO LOVE this from frequent COULTON COHORT: "PAUL & STORM"

IF YOU GO TO THEIR WEBSITE, I also recommend"

"IF JAMES TAYLOR WERE ON FIRE"

"IF LEON REDBONE SUFFERED A MAJOR HEAD INJURY"

and

"IF JAMES TAYLOR WERE ON FIRE AT THE BOTTOM OF A WELL."

That is all.

NORTHAMPTON, MA (TECHNICALLY: HADLEY)

WHAT YOU HAVE HEARD is true.

I SHALL BE RETURNING to the land of Silent Cal this weekend to join

MANY ILLUSTRIOUS COLLEAGUES in a

BOOKISH DANCE PARTY, the details of which are HERE.



I DO THIS FOR MANY REASONS.

1. I cannot pass up a chance to appear with THURSTON MOORE
2. I am always looking for a chance to SHAKE KELLY LINK'S HAND
3. I always need more books, rubber stamps, bottle openers, Tintin paraphernalia, and gymnasium shelves.

THAT IS ALL

MLK

MLK

EVEN OBAMA KNOWS WHEN IT'S TIME TO DEPLOY A LAFF

WHEN WILL I LEARN?

“I said, ‘Well, I don’t handle paper that well. You know, my desk is a mess. I need somebody to help me file and stuff all the time.’ So the other two, they say, ‘Well, my biggest weakness is I’m just too passionate about helping poor people. I am just too impatient to bring about change in America.’ If I had gone last I would have known what the game was. I could have said, ‘Well, you know, I like to help old ladies across the street. Sometimes they don’t want to be helped. It’s terrible.’” - Barack Obama, Las Vegas

NOTE: the beautifully curved quotation marks.

CUT AND PASTE COURTESY: Paul Tough. His actual name.

That is all.

"INCHES OF LENGTH, SECONDS OF TIME": TWO APLOGIES

1. SO THAT WE MAY put this behind us, BOB JOHNSON has apologized to Obama (though well after H. Clinton claimed he had.)

2. HERE IS A BLOGGER who is admirably devoted to the difference between tick marks and quotation marks. To her, I say: I DID NOT KNOW ANY BETTER, and for that...

I am very sorry.

THAT IS ALL.

SORRY, MY MISTAKE: THAT LAST VIDEO WAS FUNNY

I DO APOLOGIZE. Here is one that is not funny.



IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!

That is all.

"YOU THINK I'VE GOT SOME KIND OF AROMA?"

LOOK, I use the internet probably EVERY DAY.

HOW IS IT that I managed to miss Chelsea Perretti flirting with goddamn JONATHAN WINTERS?



AND ALSO, purely out of envy: HOW THE HELL DID CHELSEA PERRETTI MANAGE TO DATE JONATHAN WINTERS so that she could make this movie?

IS IT BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL LADY and I am a barely passable lady?

IS THAT FAIR?

That is all.

HELLO, READERS OF VALLEYWAG

I WAS VERY FLATTERED indeed to be linked by an actual BLOG today.

(A RARE OCCURRENCE, and probably rightly so).

BUT TO BE VERY CLEAR: **I** am not giving a concert recital of

MANY BEAUTIFUL GUITAR SONGS

in San Francisco on Feb 22.

THAT WOULD BE COULTON.

Sorry if my earlier posting on this matter was unclear.

THAT IS ALL.

THIS INFORMATION MUST BE KNOWN

A MESSAGE from Coulton to you,

ONE WHICH I SUSPECT YOU HAVE ALREADY RECEIVED.

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

My apologies if your geographical location makes this email
irrelevant, but THIS INFORMATION MUST BE KNOWN:

On February 22 I'll be doing a show at the Great American Music Hall
in San Francisco. I'll be accompanied by a crew of video production
people who will capture whatever magic happens there, and later,
re-assemble it on a DVD that hopefully the entire world will purchase.
With any luck, this will also lead to a proper live CD.

I'm telling you all this because it's important that the show be fun
and special and generally awesome. If you live in San Francisco, I
insist you come to this show. If you don't I hope you'll tell your San
Francisco friends about it so they come instead.

This will be fun! And expensive and terrifying (for me, not you)!

Buy your tickets here.

Will there be more shows? Yes, somewhere, sometime. Honestly I can't
think past the 22nd right now, and a lot of things are still coming
together. When stuff gets booked, I will spam you about it. I
promise.

See you in SF!

END QUOTED TEXT

That is all.

BLACK IS WHITE

APPARENTLY, Obama is the establishment candidate.

OH. NOW I FINALLY GET IT.

THE TRUTH IS Obama may be a beautiful orator with NO OTHER SKILLS, but it is clear that he is running an intensely negative campaign, despite every promise to "take the high road."

And you know, you have to ask yourself: why?

Why is this Sidney Poitier-like nice Black man SWIFT-BOATING the poor Clintons?

IS IT because he is terrified of losing his death grip on his decades old grip on the Democratic party after BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON'S INSPIRATIONAL WIN IN IOWA?

OR IS IT BECAUSE OBAMA IS JUST A HALF-BLACK, MAYBE-MUSLIM FORMER COKE DEALER?

LOOK: you can't rule it out.

That is all.

PS:

(MEANWHILE my good friend Paul is talking about some crazy notebook computer?)

(WHERE'S THE BEEF? I ask you? BLOGS are supposed to be deathly, stultifyingly serious.)

BACK TO SQUID SUITS SOON, I promise.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MLK: or.... A GUESS A SQUID SUIT IS NOT ENOUGH

GOOD MORNING

I REALLY TRIED TO TAKE Obama's advice and end the "silliness" with a SQUID SUIT.

BUT APPARENTLY I CANNOT HELP IT.

LAST NIGHT, as you may know, Obama attempted to retire this whole discussion.

(WHICH I WELCOME, honestly, as I have a book due on Monday.)

OBAMA as reported by Jeff Zeleny, NYT:

“I don’t want the campaign at this stage to degenerate into so much tit-for-tat, back-and-forth, that we lose sight of why all of us are doing this.... We’ve got too much at stake at this time in our history to be engaging in this kind of silliness. I expect that other campaigns feel the same way.”

(AND A QUESTION FOR JEFF ZELENY: how exactly did you determine, factually, that the purpose of Obama's statements was "...to be seen as taking the high road" as opposed to just, you know, TAKING THE HIGH ROAD?)

OBAMA ALSO ADDRESSED what RAB from the comments noted: most of this sniping, spinning, and attacking is coming from supporters, endorsers, enthusiasts, and volunteers. It is hard to control every statement that comes out of a campaign.

OBAMA, cont'd: “If I hear my own supporters engaging in talk that I think is ungenerous or misleading or in some way is unfair, I will speak out forcefully against it,” he said. “I hope the other campaigns take the same approach.”*

GOOD. And why shouldn't we hope for that? After all, didn't Mark Penn of the Clinton camp promise us that "those kind of negative personal remarks will not be a part of this campaign" after William Shaheen insinuated Obama might have been a drug dealer?

AND DIDN'T HILLARY CLINTON offer her own words of reconciliation soon after Obama made his remarks?

AT LAST, a new day: SQUID SUITS FOREVER.

BUT THEN: this morning.

BOB JOHNSON still does not think Obama is Black enough.

CHARLES RANGEL, whom I've always liked, suggests that perhaps Obama did drugs in high school in order to sell books.

GOOD MORNING!

THAT IS ALL.

*AND, ON THAT SAME DAY, when Obama learned of a volunteer in Nevada who was circulating pamphlets that SOME PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET found questionable, he immediately dismissed that person.

TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD: A SQUID COSTUME

Jonathan Coulton Paper Doll
Originally uploaded by jasonlnorman.

...FOR COULTON

That is all.

A SMALL CORRECTION

ACCORDING TO THE AP, Hillary Clinton was not yet on stage when Johnson made the remarks that ANGERED ME SO. She came on stage after him.

JUST 'FOR YOUR INFORMATION'

NOW I will try to sleep again and get back to laffs.

That is all.

FROM THE COMMENTS

FROM YOUR COMMENTS, "RAB" notes below...

"One thing that seems to afflict both Clinton and Obama right now is the way anything said by anyone connected with their campaigns -- or even alleged supporters unconnected to their campaigns -- is being laid at the feet of the candidates themselves."

I AGREE, but only to an extent.

IN THE INSTANCE of the BOB JOHNSON speech, which I find so objectionable, however:

a) Hillary Clinton was on stage with Johnson when he made his speech.
b) She did not and has not rebuked his speech.
c) The Clinton campaign itself issued Johnson's defense, that his reference to Obama "doing something in the neighborhood" that was so shameful that Johnson dare not speak it aloud was not AT ALL a reference to Obama's experimentation with drugs, but instead a reference to Obama's work as a community organizer.

I TRUST YOU WILL JOIN ME IN AGREEING THIS EXPLANATION IS UTTERLY IMPLAUSIBLE

and d) today, Bill Clinton again came to Johnson's defense, saying we must take Johnson at his word.

THERE IS NO QUESTION in my mind what Johnson was actually referring to. And in this case his candidate has not only tacitly endorsed his attack, but explicitly defended it.

Presumably they also defend Johnson's later attack, which has gotten less play, but which I find DOUBLY FOUL and very sad indeed...

JOHNSON: “That kind of campaign behavior does not resonate with me, for a guy who says, ‘I want to be a reasonable, likable, Sidney Poitier ‘Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.’ And I’m thinking, I’m thinking to myself, this ain’t a movie, Sidney. This is real life.”

THIS TECHNIQUE, suggesting that the Obama is not the RIGHT KIND of black person for the job, is unfortunately not new.

"You have to learn to be an African-American, and we don't have time to train you."--Then incumbent mayor of Sharpe James discussing his rival, Cory Booker, in 2002.

HOW DID their rivalry finally play out? If you don't know, I don't want to spoil the movie for you:



THAT IS ALL

MY CONCERN

MY CONCERN isn't that Hillary Clinton and her campaigners might sound like secret racists.

I AM CONFIDENT THEY ARE NOT.

MY CONCERN is that they sound like Karl Rove.

(And I am especially appalled at how quickly one of her supporters deployed the old, disgusting "NOT BLACK ENOUGH" meme--though sadly not surprised. If you saw the documentary STREET FIGHT about the Newark mayoral race--which followed how an older, powerful, entrenched Democratic mayor sabotaged the campaign of his charismatic, young challenger--you would have suspected, as I did, that it was just a matter of time.)

That is all.

MIRMAN IS STUCK IN THE SNOW

I SAW THIS LAST NIGHT at Sam Means's book party.

BUT NOW I get to see it on the internet.



IT'S BETTER EVERY TIME.

THAT IS ALL

28.7%

I CONFESS I am a little worried.

IF YOU VISIT OUR "Scrabble for Cheaters" page, you will see that John Oliver and I have reached only 28.7% of our fund raising goal of $5ooo.

WHICH IS TO SAY, right now we only have $1,435.00 worth of cheats.

WHICH IS TO SAY, it is likely that when we meet on Sat, Jan 19, to play Scrabble for the benefit 826NYC, we will be forced to play a game that 71.3% HONEST.

Which is to say: WE DON'T HAVE A CHANCE.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE US TAKE THE RISK OF WINNING FAIR AND SQUARE and donate now, if you can.

That is all

IMAGE OF NUDE SCRABBLISTS COURTESY: www.blacksbeach.org, of San Diego.

THERE WILL BE NO NUDITY AT THE 826 EVENT.

In fact, I am thinking about wearing gloves and a mask.

AS FAR AS LAST NIGHT'S DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY IS CONCERNED

I THINK THE UPSHOT IS: the jocks won.

That is all.

FROM THE COMMENTS: ADAM

FROM YOUR COMMENTS, "Adam" writes....

"...Ironic how nerds are now the writers and creators of popular culture. "

AS I AM A NERD, I will say that you are not using the term "irony" here exactly right, as indeed, I think a fair argument could be made that culture has always been CREATED by nerds, obsessives, geeks, and weirdos...

JUST LOOK AT BEETHOVEN.

HOWEVER, Silverman's comment confirms that culture is still largely PAID FOR AND DISTRIBUTED by a jockish clique who are in some ways defined by their nerd-hate.

THE GREAT CHANGE, and indeed the "irony" you seek, is that, BECAUSE OF "INTERNET," we are shifting from a distributor-controlled culture to a creator-controlled culture.

WHICH IS TO SAY:

A GREAT DEAL MORE of unrepentant geeky product is getting out there via "THE TUBES" with minimal distributor interference; GEEK AUDIENCES ARE forming powerful taste-making groups; and these two phenomena are leading SOME NETWORKS* to initiate authentically geeky products**, or at least IMITATIONS OF SAME***.

WHICH IS TO SAY: it sometimes looks like nerds are winning, slowly, by increments...

AND THAT, FRANKLY, is the exact opposite of what I ever expected to happen.

HOWEVER, it is comments like Silverman's that sometimes make me wonder if that is a FALSE HOPE, and that, in the end, the major networks would rather destroy themselves by ceding all geek audiences to cable rather than embrace one of the last few non-sports-oriented mass markets that exists.

TIME WILL TELL.

That is all.

*NBC?
**"Heroes?"
***"Heroes?"

JOCK V. NERD II

NOW, more than a year after the first*,

ANOTHER timely example of the defining cultural divide of our time: JOCK v. NERD

Ben Silverman, NBC Entertainment Co-Chair, on the canceling of the Golden Globes due to the WGA strike...

'"Sadly, it feels like the nerdiest, ugliest, meanest kids in the high school are trying to cancel the prom. But NBC wants to try to keep that prom alive."'

QUOTE COURTESY: Defamer.

(OF COURSE I read it)

LET US ONLY HOPE that NBC can finally save the rich kids from the ugly, ugly nerds.

That is all.


*Search under "Klosterman" or "nerd ascendancy" or "Lost."

FROM THE COMMENTS: BEAKER

FROM THE COMMENTS, Annje writes:

"All you need is a "Beaker" sidekick. Just thought I'd throw that out there. "

WHAT? COULTON is not Beakerish enough for you people?

That is all.

I AM QUITE SERIOUS: NO TATTOOS

TO CHANGE THE TONE OF THIS CONVERSATION, let me belatedly alert you to...

THIS GREAT INTERVIEW with the great STEPHEN FRY

TO BE FOUND over at Ken Plume's QUICK STOP, which is always worth a quick (or slow) STOP.

The show in question, QI, for "Quite Interesting" is indeed one of the most important television shows in history.

FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WIRE, anyway.

(I LOOK FORWARD to your fiery e-mails on this subject. But before you attack me, may I ask: does The Wire have its own STUFFY PRIVATE CLUBHOUSE AND RESTAURANT? I think you know the answer.*)
(THE QI BUILDING, Oxford, "England")


ALAS, the program is not available here in the states, but it is available SOMEWHAT on the internet.

ENJOY IT, and enjoy the work of Ken Plume, who is TIRELESS.

That is all.

Jh

*"YES: But it is in Baltimore."

NOT EVEN MY GLASSES

FROM YOUR COMMENTS...

"ADMIN" writes from the comments....

"John - I agree, but you might consider getting your own face tattooed on your body somewhere. A gentleman named Steve-o has done this to hilarious effect."

JOHN HODGMAN replies...

FIRST of all, Admin, please address me as JOHN HODGMAN.

SECOND of all, I already have a tattoo of my face ON MY FACE. Or perhaps you missed it, as it is AN INCREDIBLE LIKENESS.

CHECK IT OUT:

That is all.

COURTESY: Mai Le and WIKIPEDIA for the photo of my face tattoo.

LISTEN: I MEAN IT

DO NOT TATTOO YOURSELVES WITH PICTURES OF MY FACE OR ANYONE'S FACE!

That is all.

HOBOES PUSHING INK

Literal Tramp Stamp
Originally uploaded by dregboy.

DREGBOY steps forward with a "Literal Tramp Stamp."

WHILE THIS LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS, and it obviously deserves recognition, as Dregboy has ruined his life,

I DO NOT ENCOURAGE YOU PEOPLE TO GET TATTOOS.

EVEN IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING GETTING A TATTOO OF MY ENTIRE BOOK, you should not do it, as I do not wish to answer to your parents, spouses, and physicians.

AT LEAST DREGBOY did not get a tattoo of my face.

That is all.

CHEEK VANDALISM

H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by cbgbrocker22.

This poor woman.

That is all.

NOT TO BE SLAVISH

BUT I MUST GO with BoingBoing on this one:



That is all.

I WILL SOON BE DIALING-UP

I WILL SOON spend a week or so on the dial-up modem, so "posting" to this imitation blog may be EXTRA-SPORADIC for a bit.

PLEASE EVERYONE: have a safe and joyous end to this Gregorian calendar year.

AND THANK YOU ALWAYS: for your kind attention.

That is all for now.

THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN DOWN

AND "GAUNTLET" is a bingo.

WON'T YOU PLEASE JOIN US on January 19th at 826NYC in Brooklyn for the upcoming

SCRABBLE FOR CHEATERS?

AT WHICH the renowned and goodhearted tutoring center/superhero supply company hosts a SCRABBLE COMPETITION featuring many teams, including one composed of:

1) ME
2) the foreigner, JOHN OLIVER

THE CHEATING PART can be explained thusly: in order to raise money for the 826NYC organization (A GOOD CAUSE), you people of the internet and beyond are asked to

BUY "CHEATS" for the team of your choice.

SUCH CHEATS include:

1. Trade out a letter—$25
2. Wheel of Fortune: buy a vowel—$50
3. Flip a letter over and make it blank—$100
4. Add 10 to any letter’s value—$150
5. Add Q, Z, or X to any word, anywhere—$200
6. Passport: play a word in any language—$250
7. Consult the dictionary for one turn—$300
8. Consult the Scrabble word list for one turn—$400
9. Reject another team’s word—$450
10. Invent a word (must have a definition)—$500

NOW, AS JACKIE MCLEOD AND KIERA KNOW, I am normally very strict about the rules of SCRABBLE.

HOWEVER I MAKE AN EXCEPTION IN THIS CASE and urge you to buy some cheats for Oliver so that he can spell words incorrectly like "HONOUR" and "COLOUR" and "GAOL" and "GIRAUFFE" and feel at home, at last.

OR ALTERNATELY, form or join your own team and START GUNNING FOR US.

SO WON'T YOU PLEASE help us cheat?

That is all.

>H<

>H
Originally uploaded by Jef Poskanzer.

GREETINGS JEF Poksanzer...

I AM ALWAYS grateful for photos to post here of...

DRIFTWOOD SCULPTURES
IMITATION DOGS
FISHING SCENES
ILLUMED Hs

AND THIS PHOTO meets all of those requirements.

THAT IS ALL.

A HOLIDAY/JURY DUTY MIRACLE

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO RECALL my Jury Duty sojourn of LAST JUNE,

YOU MAY BE INTERESTED TO KNOW that I recently received an e-mail from "WALTER," the irascible (seriously: HE WAS NOT RASCIBLE) jury pool clerk I admired so much then AND NOW:

(BEGIN quoted text)

"Hello and Thanks-

My girlfriend googled my name a while back and your .blog report on jury service came up and she read it and smiled and gave me a kiss-so thanks.

Hope your strike ends soon and you and your fellow workers come out on top or nearer to top than when you started.
take care,walter"

(END quoted text)

FROM WALTER'S ELECTRONIC MOUTH to the writers' and producers' ears.

THAT IS ALL.

I RECUSE MYSELF

I AM NOT ONE TO POST a lot of photos of myself.

BUT WHEN PEOPLE WORK SO HARD to make me look so judge-like, I have to acknowledge their hard work...

HERE ARE MORE interpretations of my painfully-occasional role as "Judge John Hodgman" for the wonderfully-weekly podcast "JORDAN, JESSE, GO!"*

LOOK, LISTEN, and you be the judge.

I TRUST YOUR SENTENCE WILL BE: "awesome."

That is all.


*Notice I added the Oxford Comma.

I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHO AM I?

THE FACT THAT Paul Reubens is considering bringing back the character of P-W Herman in a new movie is welcome news, for I trust you all agree:

PAUL REUBENS IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

THAT SAID, the beautiful, mind-twisting fact that Pee Wee might be played by Johnny Depp only serves to prove once again:

I AM NOT MAKING UP FAKE FACTS FAST ENOUGH.

That is all.

"EMILY, YOU'RE FAMOUS TOO NOW..."

SORRY TO BE ABSENT, but I have blood and lymph draining from my ear!

(THEY TELL ME the blogs need to be personal, so there is your EAR INFECTION UPDATE of the day. I trust you're happy).

MEANWHILE, due to the intense pain and eardrum-bursting, I missed this, THOUGH I AM SURE YOU DID NOT:

COULTON vs. EMILY in ST. CHICAGO:



WHICH IS ODDER?

THIS, or Coulton being casually name-checked by NEIL GAIMAN?

OR OPTION "C": blood and lymph draining from my left ear?

VOTE NOW.

That is all.

‽

ALAN FROM THE COMMENTS provides an actual interrobang.

SWEET NITPICKING ALAN!

(with actual gratitude)

That is all.

INTERROBANG

DID ANYONE ELSE notice that Anne Helmond's photograph of the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co. from yesterday happens to include A MAN WITH AN EYE-PATCH?

!?

That is all.

AIGA AUCTION THIS SUNDAY, PLUS "POTTS"

SURELY SOME OF YOU HAVE WONDERED, who is the super-genius who designed not only the interior, but also the exterior, of your book, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE?

WELL, YOU CAN UPDATE THAT WIKIPEDIA page, for the answer is:

The renowned graphic artist SAM POTTS.

MOST OF YOU know him from The Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co., in the superhero supply district of Brooklyn, where Sam designed not only the awning but ALL of the original product labels, including BREATHABLE WATER and APPREHENDED BLOB.

SOME OF YOU may even recall Sam from his genial money-taking days at the front of the house at the old Little Gray Book lectures (which will not return this year, but maybe next).

I PERSONALLY recall him from Mr. Koestenbaum's Photo 1 class.

NOW HERE'S the new thing Sam has got me into:

THIS SUNDAY EVENING, at the big AIGA/NY dance party/annual ball, Sam and I will be auctioning off BEAUTIFUL ITEMS OF SIGNIFICANCE.

$20-35 (DEPENDING) gets you the CHANCE to bid on...

!: 2 REJECTED BOOK JACKETS BY CHIP KIDD!

!: A TOUR OF THE PHILIP JOHNSON GLASS HOUSE

!?: A MYSTERIOUS BOX OF MYSTERIES

...among other fascinating artifacts of functional design...

PLUS: the CERTAINTY of dancing and drinking wine in a beautiful room!

ALL PROCEEDS benefit the AIGA, which I am guessing stands for the American Institute of Graphic Artists*, a professional organization which I believe buys nutritious fonts for needy graphic designers**.

ALL DETAILS of the event may be found here.

Perhaps I will see you there?

That is all.

(IMAGE COURTESY: Anne Helmond)

(*I WAS RIGHT! Good symbolic information management in action!)

(**I WAS WRONG!)

MELLIE FROM ATLANTA ASKS...

MELLIE FROM ATLANTA WRITES TO ASK....

"I'm hosting a holiday party for a bunch of my alcoholic friends and I
would love to impress them by serving BRANDY SANGREES which I have
read about on your site and sound quite tasty. I cannot find a recipe for them via google and hope that you can provide this information, or did you make this up?"

WORRY NOT, "Mellie" and her alcoholic friends. The drink mentioned is very real, but unfortunately I wrote it wrong/drunk: it is spelled...

BRANDY SANGAREE

This is but ONE OF MANY "SANGAREES" (including gin and ale), and it dates back to the very first cocktail book of any note, the liquid bible of every fine mixologist, JERRY THOMAS' (sic) BARTENDER'S GUIDE.

MY FIRST GOOGLE turns up this supposedly faithful reprinting: a drink so simple as to be RUDIMENTARY...

(BEGIN quoted text)

BRANDY SANGAREE

(Use medium bar-glass.)
Take ½ teaspoonful of fine white sugar dissolved in a little water.
1 wine-glass of brandy.

Fill the glass one-third full of shaved ice, shake up well, strain into a small glass and dash a little Port wine on top. Serve with a little grated nutmeg.

(END quoted text).

BUT as this recipe comes from the INTERNET and is probably POISONED BY VIRUSES, why not to turn to the source, or the best version available thereof?...

DAVID WONDRICH'S wonderful annotation of the "The Thomas Manuscript," recently and beautifully published under the worthy imperative: IMBIBE!

SURELY THIS MAKES AS FINE A HOLIDAY GIFT as any of the Sangarees--brandy, gin, or ale?

AND SURELY IT MAKES A FINER GIFT than the Dalmatian Blood Sangaree, because WONDRICH is a national treasure and HIS BOOK IS NOT DISGUSTING.

If you have any other HOLIDAY GIFT OR ETIQUETTE questions, I encourage you to send them to me via electronic mail or via the comments.

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY, PLEASE.

That is all.

THE COMIX EVENT "WRITE-AID" IS ON DECEMBER 11

JUST TO BE CLEAR

That is all.

BE OF GOOD CHEER

Hobo Chrismoose
Originally uploaded by Kodamakitty.

HERE IS AN EXTREMELY SHINY wooden moose, courtesy Kodamakitty.

PLUS A HIDDEN MESSAGE.

MEANWHILE, if you live in or near NYC, please add this to your calendar. I cannot attend, alas, but it will be a GOOD SHOW for a WORTHY CAUSE.

(BEGIN quoted text)

WRITE-AID
A COMEDY BENEFIT FOR (STRIKING) WRITERS

ADVANCE TICKETS - $20
DAY OF SHOW TICKETS - $25

Jonesing for your favorite comedy shows? No worries -- Comix has teamed up with the Writers Guild of America, East and assembled an all-star lineup of scribes from your favorite (currently blacked-out) shows!

Join us as Andy Borowitz (CNN, National Public Radio, The New Yorker, creator of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"), Brian Kiley ("Late Night with Conan O'Brien"), Laurie Kilmartin ("The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson"), Bill Scheft ("Late Show with David Letterman"), Brian Stack ("Late Night with Conan O'Brien"), and others put down the picket signs and pick up the mike for a night of "anything goes" comedy.

Portion of proceeds go to WGAE Strike Fund. PLUS, discounted tickets for all WGA members! Simply present your WGA card at the Box Office to receive $5.00 off admission.

COMIX is located at 343 West 14th Street at 9th Avenue.

(END quoted text)

THAT IS ALL.

JONATHAN PARTICIPATED IN THAT ACTIVITY BY THE MUSIC PERSON'S STATUS

NEWSWEEK CHINA profiles "Jonathan Coulton."

HERE'S WHAT BABELFISH HAS TO SAY.

(Begin quoted text)

"Now arrived for a crucial time, we all should self-examine really needs the record company. We are glad with the traditional phonograph record management pattern which rottenly deteriorates to say very much goodbye " * This publication Reporter/Yang Shi? In American Luo river unlined upper garment 矶 Live House, Jonathan Coulton is keeping half long hair, is bringing black frame eyeglasses, he liked is same in the past, is embracing a wooden guitar, alone stood in the stage central committee, above the stage light projects in his top of the head, he started which sang own to create "Re: Your Brain ". The quite practical lyrics describes average person's ordinary life, the lyrics often is causing next piece of understanding laughing, the cheers, the applause, even also has the chorus to resound through the entire audience. But, these music lover understanding and the familiar Jonathan Coulton song certainly is not through the broadcasting station, CD, is not through the order list, but is called Thing a Week through individual website. Jonathan the work which writes oneself puts to the website in. The such independent dissemination music way starts in the music world gradually to increase, not only becomes the music person's new outlet which many not yet becomes famous, even some big sign orchestras also start to bridge over the issuing company, directly on-line sells the song. Does not send CD professional music person Jonathan Coulton this year 36 years old, 3 years ago, he or software engineer which in compiles the code in the check. On high school's time, he was vainly hoping for becomes a 摇滚 star, carries the guitar to tour to the world. Thereupon, started from the high school to write the song his university to choose the music specialty, majored in western music Shi He to compose music. Jonathan to "China Newsweek" reporter said, after the graduation actually because of the livelihood, could not but look for the work which had nothing to do with with the music. But the spare time, he still every day persisted unceasingly writes the song. In 2004, his friend has made a named Little Gray book club, each month, first formulates a subject to invite some writers to write some works again according to the subject, then calls everybody to read aloud. Jonathan participated in that activity by the music person's status, his each month writes a song according to the subject, then the scene sings. After conclusion, he can put on-line the work, but no echo. Until 2005. Because receives the friend to use My Space the inspiration, Jonathan established to be called Thing a Week to broadcast the guest website. When "starts, I on treat as it one kind of experiment. I want to let more people hear to mine song, then tells them again the friend, I very have been happy." Jonathan said. When start, Jonathan still hoped own song finally can sell by the CD form, he even own fill the system phonograph record on-line to sell, but puts in Thing a Week MP3 then completely free. "Along with comes me the website downloading person more and more many, I start to ponder over, such free provides downloading is can to my income influential, but with these not worthy of mentioning pays expenses downloading to compare, can have more people to know my music is more important." Jonathan said, that time he also goes to work in the company, therefore the music income to him said not that is important. Until the fifth song, changed his life path. He used own way to turn sang Sir Mix-a-Lot Hip the Hop famous tune "Baby Got Back". With his analogy, this first song "has become on a Internet virus". Jonathan starts to attempt in own broadcasts in the guest website to sell the song, because of that song influence, a his month through paid expenses downloads MP3 to gain more than 4,000 Dollar. Sells the way very is also out of the ordinary, he does not force opposite party to purchase, but is with one kind is called "pick your price" (you to fix a price) the way. According to the Jonathan statistics, these pay expenses downloading music lover equally each first songfest to pay about 1 US dollar. Moreover 90% music lovers all are willing to pay expenses. "I knew that, the people always are willing to be able first to hear to the music again decision are worth paying money, why is this I all puts my all songs to on-line lets the reason which the people chooses at will." Jonathan said. After opens Thing a a Week website year, he resigned from the computer company's position to become a professional music person, Jonathan said that, "I finally could depend on the music to gain the foot I daughter's nursemaid money."

(End quoted text)

THAT IS ALL.

COULTONES

The pie-in-the-window-on-the-pie would have been too paradoxical.
Originally uploaded by Jessica Donohoe.

ARE YOU A PERSON who lives in Minneapolis, Madison, Chicago, AND St. Louis?

Well then, JETSETTER, you are someone who might profit by this

QUICK DISPATCH featuring

DATES AND TIMES at which

JONATHAN COULTON shall be singing and, when not singing, speaking.

LOOK: I don't have time to key in all the urls...

(WHY? I am trying to write a BOOK)

FOR FURTHER DETAILS, look here.

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT:

Winding down this year with a quick trip to the midwest for a few
dates, all with Paul and Storm.

Thursday December 6 at 8 PM
Varsity Theater in Minneapolis, MN
Venue: http://www.varsitytheater.org/
Tickets: http://tinyurl.com/33ez3s

Friday December 7 at 7:30 PM
Majestic Theater in Madison, WI
Venue: http://majesticmadison.com/
Tickets: http://tinyurl.com/2lzhlm

*****TWO SHOWS*******
Saturday December 8 at 7:30 PM and 10:30 PM
Schuba's Tavern in Chicago, IL
Venue: http://www.schubas.com/
Tickets: http://www.schubas.com/tickets.aspx (scroll down)

Sunday December 9 at 8 PM
Blueberry Hill in St. Louis, MO
Venue: http://www.blueberryhill.com/
Tickets: http://tinyurl.com/2n854r

END QUOTED TEXT

Meantimes: ENJOY THIS CLASSIC HOLIDAY PHOTO, courtesy: DONOHOE.

That is all.

"THE LIFE OF THE CARTOONIST WAS TO BE ENVIED INDEED..."

I SURE DO ENVY the Ape-Lad and his Indonesian shadowpuppet grandpa.

HERE'S MORE FROM BOINGBOING tv on the subject of the "Laughing Out Loud Cats," including a rare cameo from the infamous blogger...

FAKE JIM DAVIS...



I ENCOURAGE YOU TO BUY OLDE TIMEY CAT PICTURES and fan club memberships from Koford as perfect stocking stuffers.*

BUT I GOT DIBS on all Walrus Scrimshaw he may undertake this holiday season

THAT IS ALL.

*(But do not buy them for your cats. THEY WON'T APPRECIATE IT.)

JUST BECAUSE I'M ON STRIKE

...DOES NOT MEAN that Kasper Hauser has ceased creating fake Craigslist entries.

READ THEM or perish.

That is all.

I AM ON STRIKE

IT MAY SEEM SOMEWHAT UNSEEMLY to link to a video of me flitting around in my socks at the Chateau Marmont writing mole-man names while my colleagues are sitting and standing outside doing things of worth and meaning...

LIKE THIS:



JUST TO BE CLEAR, the BoingBoing footage was shot some time ago, in brighter days. While the WGA strike does not apply my book "writing" or computer advertising activities, I am a member of the WGA and I am indeed on strike.

AND JUST TO BE CLEAR, I miss those people in the video as much as you do.

AND AS I TRUST IT IS VERY CLEAR, they miss entertaining you.

LEARN MORE IN THE EAST and IN THE WEST

THAT IS ALL.

BOING

HELLO internet friends:

http://tv.boingboing.net/2007/11/16/john-hodgmans-mole-m.html

THAT IS ALL

"...and so much other stuff that it is not even f#@king funny"

IT IS NOT MY HABIT to simply reproduce here, for your consumption, E-MAILS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED.

HOWEVER, I feel it is now time to give YOUR MAN DAVE HILL his due.

I ONCE WENT TO THIS PROGRAM and saw Dick Cavett there AND Rufus WAINWRIGHT.

NO JOKE.

AS WELL, I have appeared on the program as "a guest" and I can vouch for Dave's COURTESY, PROFESSIONALISM, SUPER-GENIUS, and GOOD TASTE IN BEEF JERKY.

BUT MORE THAN THIS, all humans must enjoy and appreciate the extraordinary, unique carny-barker/mental patient patois that Dave Hill has developed over the course of MANY E-MAILS, which for some reason, to my mind, reaches its APOTHEOSIS in the following missive.

Read on....

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

The Dave Hill Explosion/Thurs. Nov. 15/9:30pm/UCB Theatre (307 West 26th St. at 8th Ave.)/$5/With extra special guest Lady Bunny and maybe someone else in addition to her who is also really great

Attention People of New York City:

This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that on Thursday, November 15 at 9:30pm, I am going to be walking out on stage at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in historic Chelsea and giving what critics are already calling the performance of a lifetime and I am already calling the Dave Hill Explosion. Imagine if you combined the glitz of Elvis' '68 Comeback Special with the glamour and winning attitude of Diana Ross' legendary 1983 concert in Central Park and then took both of those things and mixed them with the '70's prison documentary "Scared Straight," a pack of matches, an ordinary can of hair spray, and anything that has ever happened at the Hayden Planetarium ever and you are starting to get the picture. In short, it is going to be just slightly better than "Stomp." Adding to the mayhem is the fact that I will have the legendary Lady Bunny (whom you know from the Comedy Central roast of Pamela Anderson, Wigstock, and so much other stuff that it is not even f#@king funny) on my show next week and possibly even another incredible guest besides her. And, of course, my trusty sidebitch Phil will be there to make sure the level of professionalism people have come come to expect for five dollars is retained throughout the performance. If you see just one show next week, please consider seeing a second and then totally coming to see my show. Ha! See how I did that? That is just one example of the kind of top-notch entertainment I will be breaking out next week without even trying. Honestly, even I don't know how I do it sometimes. And to think I have access to this sh*t 24 hours a day. It's a wonder I even manage to leave the house sometimes. Anyway, I really hope you can make it next week. I have a rare heart condition* and it would really mean a lot to me. You can totally get tickets right here.

Your man,
Dave Hill
www.davehillonline.com
*I love too much. Also, I have a baboon heart. But you knew that.

END QUOTED TEXT

That is all.

THE FURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

AS THIS APPEARED ON BOINGBOINGtv, then this is likely old news to those of you using the Internet.

STILL, it is astonishingly good filmmaking.

IF NOTHING ELSE, Ms. Shaneen deserves the damned nobel prize for incredibletude for coming up with the phrase: THE FURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

That is all.

YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW THIS, OF COURSE

Laugh-Out-Loud Cats #406
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW THAT THIS is the most important new daily comic strip since "LONELY BOY AND IMAGINARY TIGER."

BUT IT STRUCK ME today that Koford's "Laugh-Out-Loud Cats" is not just a daily comic, but specifically A SINGLE PANEL daily comic.

AND MORE SPECIFICALLY AND STRANGELY: a good one.

THIS, MY FRIENDS, is a bold innovation. Has Ape-Lad broken curse of PLUGGERS?*

(ONE MIGHT HAVE SAID the "Curse of Ziggy" or "Curse of Howard Huge," but that would be mean.)

(OR: ONE MIGHT HAVE SAID the "Curse of the Lockhorns." But I actually admire the sheer, misanthropic brio of those Lockhorns.)

(After all, it can't be easy to distill all the drunken, marital loathing of WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? and pour it all into a single, hate-filled funny pages panel day after day after day.

(Who would have thought THAT would work?)**

That is all.

*Hint: he has.

**Double hint: it's doesn't.

STILL ALIVE

THIS HAS SOMETHING to with the something.

SOME KIND of super orange game.

BUT YOU ARE YOUNG. You can figure out all the connections.

ALL I KNOW IS: it sounds beautiful.

That is all.

OPTIMISM

IS IT JUST ME, or do you agree that...

THIS INCREDIBLE "INTERNET VIDEO" IS AT LEAST HALF FULL?



HERE WE HAVE the marriage of the genius of GEORGE SAUNDERS with the genius of JESSE THORN

....plus the genius of PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE I KNOW OR WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.

YES: we are talking about PURE GENIUS POLYGAMY, plus puppets.

CAN YOU GUESS THE IDENTITY of the whole cast????

WELL, IF YOU GO TO JESSE'S BLOG, you don't have to!

That is all.

THANK YOU, TEENAGERS

BUT FOR THE LAST TIME, my book contains no information regarding Pharaohs ruling Germany.

That is all.

HOBO SUPER HERO

ACCORDING TO SEAN IN THE COMMENTS, there is now or was once a HOBO SUPER HERO.

PERSONALLY, I cannot tell if this is an authentic artifact of the past, or an inauthentic one.

PLEASE LOOK. ARE THERE ANY COMIC BOOK DATING EXPERTS WHO MIGHT AID ME?

That is all.

ROUND THE JUNGLE FIRE

updated to be much smaller and less shouty

also: for the record, i like neal pollack. i think his writing is funny and humane, and he is clearly the butt of all of his jokes. i never got why some people like to beat up on him so, and i really don't understand why they like to beat up on his four year old son--and not just beat up on him, but to do so in electro-print, where it will haunt all of us forever. but i guess that is their sad right. if you have no idea what i'm talking about, all the better.

now here again is the original posting about choo choos and those who adore them, but in tiny tiny letters.


ACTUAL PERSON Ryan Wilson writes in via electrono-mailograph with the following bulletin regarding WHAT IS HAPPENING IN RIVERHEAD, LONG ISLAND:

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

"I know this is short notice and you probably won't read this electronic mail until after the event has passed. However, I cannot allow this to go unnoticed by you (assuming you do not know about it):

"'The Railroad Museum of Long Island will host our 2nd Annual Twin Forks Folk Music Festival and Hobo Homecoming beginning Thursday evening, September 27 through Saturday evening, September 29, 2007. '"

END QUOTED TEXT

NOW IT IS TRUE THAT, DUE TO MY EXTREMELY LAZY E-MAIL READING HABITS, we have all missed last night's opening festivities (except for those who went to them).

APPARENTLY the chief event of last night involved Hobo King Redbird Express LIGHTING A FIRE.

However, PRESUMING THERE ARE STILL SOME PARTS OF RIVERHEAD NOT CONSUMED BY FIRE, there will be more festivities tonight:

a) "Banjo" Fred Starner hosting "A Folk Music Entertainment";
b) A special appearance by LUTHER THE JET
c) Performances by THE NATIONAL HOBO GOSPEL SINGERS, an organization I would not have predicted IN A MILLION YEARS.

WILL I ATTEND? No. Because I am currently too busy with the Mole-Men.

AND ALSO: I AM AFRAID OF FIRE.

BUT ALL OF THE DETAILS are listed above, and if you go, do take a photo and send it to me via electronic transmisso-gram.

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO PUT IT ON THE INTERNET FOR YOU.

That is all.

COURTESY: The Long Island Rail Road Museum for the image of a TRAIN with the words LONG ISLAND on it. See many more HERE.

APPARENTLY, I JUST GOT RICKRULED

p9230067.jpg
Originally uploaded by discretedaniel.

COURTESY TO "Discretedaniel" for this image, from Cambridge, MA, where APPARENTLY, sidewalk chalk is still very inexpensive.

That is all.

I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO POST THIS ABSOLUTELY AUTHENTIC IMAGE FOR A LONG TIME

BUT I AM ALWAYS failing.

THANK YOU, Elizabeth Connor, for this strange convergence.

(ACTUALLY, I suspect this is not a proper convergence but a mere, striking, strange, olde-timey coincidence).

OR MAYBE SOMEONE HAS JUST BEEN MESSING WITH THE TIME MACHINE AGAIN.

That is all.

RARE SHOE CHALKING

Hobo War on Viky's shoe
Originally uploaded by Get Euphemistic!.

I ASK YOU: who sits idly by and allows their shoe to be cryptically marked with chalk?

I ASK YOU.

That is all.

SECRET MESSAGES

Laugh-Out-Loud Cats #8
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

THANK YOU for calling my attention to this one.

THAT IS ALL.

THIS IS ALL I CARE ABOUT ANYMORE

Laugh-Out-Loud Cats #257
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

That is all.

FEAR NOT, LAD

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

WE SHALL MEET, though I will never set foot on a damned paddle of any damned PADDLEBOAT, no matter what amusing sound it makes.

THOSE DEVIL MACHINES WON'T TAKE ME DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF NO MAN MADE LAKE!

That is all.

GIVEN THE NUMBER OF COMMENTS MY LAST SNACKFOOD POST PROMPTED

Hobo Funnel Cake
Originally uploaded by Kodamakitty.

....I WOULD BE REMISS not to draw your kind attention to Kodamakitty's

"HOBO FUNNEL CAKE"

OF COURSE, THE IDEA that a hobo might mark the plate without taking the cake is absurd.

A HOBO ALWAYS TAKES THE CAKE

THAT IS, AFTER ALL, the origin of the term "takes the cake."

HOWEVER, I just had some of the best funnel cake of my life just last week, and this is A FINE, EXTRA-BRAIN-SHAPED SPECIMEN INDEED, and so I honor the serendipity and say...

THANK YOU

and

THAT IS ALL.

DID YOU PEOPLE ALL KNOW THAT PLANTERS CHEESE BALLS HAD BEEN DISCONTINUED?

AND WHY didn't you tell me?

That is all.

COURTESY CAPTAIN "JOY": RAGNAROK

YOU MAY THANK the mis-nomered Cpt. "Joy" of the western coast for this actual foreboding portent, involving squirrels, the Red "Sox," and Ragnarok.

AS REPORTED by the NY Times and confirmed by YALE UNIVERSITY.

Registration required? CHECK.

FOR THAT IS HOW THE NY TIMES DOES BUSINESS.

That is all.