Tuesday, April 24, 2007
CHEF "WOOFGANG" VAN PATTEN
APE LAD has apparently tipped off BOING BOING to perhaps the strangest hobo product yet:
DICK VAN PATTEN'S HOBO CHILI FOR DOGS
It is worth clicking through to "CHEF WOOFGANG's" official website to see all four varieties of strangely, unnecessarily ETHNIC-THEMED dog food, including "Irish Stew" and "Chinese Take Out."
EACH LABEL FEATURES A PICTURE OF DICK VAN PATTEN IN REGIONAL-DOG-FOOD-APPROPRIATE-GARB and accompanied by a regionally appropriate dog.
THIS IS ALL TRUE. And you can appreciate how, for someone in my line of work, the actual veracity and non-jokeness of this product is very depressing. IT IS LITERALLY TAKING FOOD FROM MY FAMILY'S MOUTHS--and feeding it to ETHNIC DOGS.
(NB: "Italian Spaghetti with Beef in Meat Sauce" is not yet available, though I LOOK FORWARD TO ITS MEATY REDUNDANCY)
That is all.
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Did you know that 54% of all "Chef Woofgang" purchases are made by persons who own no pets?
I am especially concerned about the grammatical error inherent in the SOUTHERN STYLE "DUMPLIN'S".
Ray Stevens would be spinning in his grave over not recording a song with the title "Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance Eatables Gourmet Canned Dog Food Southern Style Dumplin's With Gravy." If he were dead, instead of in Branson.
The seven stages of internet skepticism:
1. This is fake.
2. Fine it's real but it must be old and obscure from some bygone Dick van Patten celebrity heyday. How was this dug up? What kind of a loser has the time to find this stuff?
3. Okay not only is it real but it exists in the present and possibly even available in a store near you. But Dick Van Patten? I thought he was dead.
4. What's the real story here? Has Dick Van Patten really been conjuring up gourmet Dog food recipes for years, toiling away in what is claimed to be a USDA certified laboratory and he was finally able to get a dog food company to take a bite? Or have the natural balance people finally gotten the memo that celebrity sponsored dog foods fly off the shelves and DVP was the first one to return their calls?
5. The artwork of Deb Hoeffner. (www.debhoeffner.com) How much time have I just spent being astonished on her website? Golly!
6. 5, 6, 7 what’s the difference? I have to get back to work. Curse you Deb Hoeffner!
I like how "Hobo" is an ethnicity now. *proud Hobo-American*
These are real and current. The jury's out on whether or not they are delicious. Mr. Van Patten has been seen on recent installments of the Jimmy Kimmel show touting the benefits of being able to eat the same foodstuffs as your dog. Also, thanks for the head's up on Ms. Hoeffner's site, which features a hobo Jesus, including cardboard sign.
I am sure you've seen this, but after the dog food entry and flipping through the Vermont Country Catalog, I didn't want you to miss the old Hobo soup can and its contemporary. Len of Jawbone Radio beat me to the punch, as the BoingBoing link came out in March.
BoingBoing Hobo Soup in a can still available
The Vermont Country Store Hearty Hobo Soup: Chock Full of Veggies and More
It ALMOST makes me want to buy the three cans in order to send in for the Hobo T-shirt.
Cheers, Liza (Kodamakitty)
I'm a bit concerned by the "beef in meat sauce". Normally, I would interpret "meat sauce" to indicate a sauce (tomato-based, most probably) with meat in it. But, if the "beef in" is specified separately, are we to believe that the "meat sauce" is, in fact, some sort of liquified flesh?
The mind boggles.
Deb's also worked her magic for Al D'amato. Curiously she doesn't link to Natural Balance at all, perhaps out of fear of guilt by association with dog food that might make pets sick.
I would like to share my story about the hassle I am getting from Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance dog food that was recalled. I purchased a case of 24 cans of Natural Balance after the dog food recall thinking that was safe for my dogs only to find out that the 12 cans I feed my dogs was also recalled. I called the company to get my money back and they asked me to fax proof of purchase which I did. They told me they would get a check out to me that day. That was a few months ago. I called 2 weeks ago and they told me they would get the check out that day and I should get it in a few days. Still no check. PS May dogs hated it.
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