LIFE UNDERGROUND

monopolyH
Originally uploaded by ocdeegan.

I AM PLEASED that, apparently, I am not the only one seeing the eerie sack people underground.

THANK YOU OCDeegan, and thank you Tom Otterness.

I have been for so long underground, out of state, and working nights with Justin Long.

BUT NOW I RESUME POSTING

That is all.

JESSE TAKES MANHATTAN

HonSidwalk.png
Originally uploaded by HoboGirl1.

And sadly, I will be out of state for the SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA NYC shows this Friday.

But I encourage you attend. The 8PM show features our friend Mike Daisey; the 10PM show features COULTON; and many whom we do not know personally but would like to.

WHY NOT BUY TICKETS FOR BOTH SHOWS?

Maybe that is not allowed, but if it is: DO IT.

If you are in LA, and thus cannot attend, I also would recommend the Kaspar Hauser business at the UCB on Friday.

AS MY WORDS ON THE COVER WILL ATTEST, their parody of the the Sky Mall catalog is astonishing, briliant, and necessary.

That is all.

BOOB MCNUTT

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

That's all I've got for you: Boob McNutt.

That is all.

VINTAGE 1977

how to be a hobo
Originally uploaded by suttonhoo.

AMONG SEVERAL fine photos of hobo halloween costumes posted on the internet,

THIS IS UNIQUE for its vintage (1977) and the fact that it includes A WITCH.

(Or something. What is that?)

THIS WAS A TIME when many children of a hallow's eve night would dress in costumes now considered distasteful

(for example, THE FRENCH PROSTITUTE COSTUME--a hit, I am told, in the Atlanta area in 1980).

ALAS it does not quite satisfy the requirements of the h-in-sunrays group (which is to say: found in situ, ideally without computer manipulation); but I hope you will continue to enjoy S. hoo's work here.

That is all.

DEMETRI

Hcrossword
Originally uploaded by crabbydad.

I have learned that Demetri, who is in Columbus tonight, will have to go to Chicago tomorrow, and then come BACK to Columbus on Friday.

The least you could do is visit and say hello in one or both locations.

Meanwhile, I will stay in Columbus to be on television tomorrow night.

That is all.

CAT IN A LOBSTER SKIN SHAWL

Hob-o-lantern and a Furry Old Lobster
Originally uploaded by juco.

You recall that old Tennessee Williams play, surely?

HAPPY HALLOW'S EVE

Hob-o-lantern
Originally uploaded by juco.

I am off to Columbus, OH now for television.

WATCH OUT FOR CANDY RAZORS

That is all.

APE-LAD GOES A LITTLE CRAZY WITH THE SUNRAYS

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

He must have a steady hand.

SPOOKY DAY, SPOOKY NIGHT

"It is time for hoboes to take over the United States government"
Originally uploaded by dfstineh.

Here are some lanterns for your enjoyment.

THESE ARE NOT SUITABLY LIGHT SOURCES FOR MOST TASKS due to low light, rotting.

OTHERWISE, ENJOY

That is all.

HOBO-LANTERN 2

PA290042.gif
Originally uploaded by HoboGirl1.

TONIGHT is the very end of the tour for the paperback edition.

COME EXPERIENCE THE TEARS and LAUGHTER and FAKE TRIVIA this evening.

I DON'T KNOW where you're going.

BUT WE will be in Austin, at Book People, at 7PM.

UNTIL then,

That is all.

OLE MISS BY DAMN

Hobe-O-Lantern
Originally uploaded by Phoole.

SADLY, Ole Miss was defeated by the Auburn Deadly White Tigers in yesterday's footballing, or so was reported to me.

BUT SOME SOLACE WAS HAD in the halls of Square Books, as several kind souls traveled to Oxford to visit with us, some from as far away as memphis, some bearing brandy and nutmeg.

(Thank you, RANDAL)

IT WAS A LOVELY TIME, and I am grateful for the company, some of whom invited me to search the moonlit swamps of nearby Taylor for that area's legendary swamp monster (pronounced, in Oxford, as "swamp booger.")

(Thank you, HANK, but no)

MANY DID NOT RECOGNIZE ME until I donned my signature Hawaiian print novelty visor, but after that, we had a very fine time before the brandy and the nutmeg disappeared, and it was on to the City Grocery for whiskey and fellowship and unexpected reunions.

TODAY we will rest quietly and visit some of Oxford's other fine groceries (Betty Davis and Taylor included), which, as you know, stock primarily the groceries known as "barbecue," "catfish," and "alcohol."

TOMORROW we shall move on to Austin and Book People, grateful and exhausted, to meet with you Texans.

MEANWHILE, enjoy this first of several Hobo-Lanterns to come.

That is all.

FLIM FAM BIM BAM

the "scientific" point of view.JPG
Originally uploaded by captain joy.

THANK YOU, North Carolina, for all your kindnesses, your spicy crab cakes, and your traditional bag pipes.

ON TO OXFORD--see you soon, Oxonians. (Soon=4PM at Square Books).

AND THEN, on OCT 30 to AUSTIN, TX (Then=Oct 30, at Book People, at 7PM).

AND THEN, to Ohio for the Daily Show.

PLEASE NOTE THE PHOTO FOR IMPORTANT PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE FROM CPT JOY

That is all.

WHO THE HELL ARE WE? HEY!

TO ANSWER A QUESTION from the comments: YES

WE ARE STILL IN NEED OF NUTMEG ZOMBIES for tomorrow night's sangaree.

Also: we require NUTMEG GRATER ZOMBIES, and zombies for Brandy, Port, Ice, SYMPLE SYRUP and glassware/cups.

OR ELSE a nice place nearby where these ingredients may be found. Contact via the COMMENTS below.

IF YOU ARE CONFUSED, REMEMBER THIS.

That is all.

HOTTY TODDY, GOSH ALMIGHTY

Hobo pie, 10/22/06
Originally uploaded by photophonic.

TONIGHT, David Rees and I shall be at the Regulator in Durham, NC. 7PM

Jonathan Coulton will not be in attendance. He is flying back to Baltimore to sing at the National Science Writers/Feral Mountain Man Conference and will rejoin in Oxford, MS, for our 4PM event at SQUARE BOOKS.

SO I ASK YOU, OXONIANS: can one of your recommend the best and most convenient place to get the ingredients for several Brandy Sangarees?

That is all.

HELL YES! DAMN RIGHT!

STARVED FOR BROADBAND stop

MAY LOSE SIGNAL ANY SECOND stop

UNC THIS AFTERNOON stop

REGULATOR IN DURHAM TOM'W NIGHT stop

OXFORD ON SAT AT 4PM IN THE SQUARE full stop


THAT IS ALL

THE SECRET SOCIETY SECTION

H in Sunrays.
Originally uploaded by Annie Matronic.

This comes from Annie of Baltimore.

NOTW the beautiful 5th floor Multipurpose room.

See you tonight at Chop Suey.

Look for me near the SECRET SOCIETIES section.

THAT IS ALL.

MOE IN THE DISTRICT

THIS IS the title of my new sitcom idea.

DETAILS ARE SECRET

ALSO IT IS a true description of where John Moe is THIS VERY EVENING.

HIS BOOK IS very funny.

YOU SHOULD see him if you can, now or in the future.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006
WASHINGTON, D.C.
Barnes & Noble at Georgetown
3040 M St. N.W.
(202) 965-9880
7:30 p.m.

ARE YOU READY!!??

JUST A FEW CORRECTIONS FROM THE COMMENTS ON THE SUBJECT OF OXFORD AND FOOTBALL.

1. It is not "Oxfordians," but "Oxen"
2. It is not "Faulkner" but "Falkner"
3. It is not "The Auburn Fighting Footballers" but "The Eye of the Tigers"
4. It is not "Football" but a delightful semi-formal affair involving gracious men and women greeting you in the grove with smiles, whiskey, and chicken

Having been to Oxford before, I don't doubt it for a second.

LOOKING VERY MUCH FORWARD TO SEEING YOU ON SATURDAY, even if you are drunk and picky, I am

Jh

THAT IS ALL.

UNTIL THERE IS AN IMAGE FROM BALTIMORE

hinsunrayselliottbooks
Originally uploaded by ocdeegan.

Here is one from Seattle.

That is all.

TONIGHT: THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA; TOMORROW: RICHMOND; THEREAFTER: ELSEWHERE

LET ME SAY: as much as I made light of the 5th Floor Multipurpose Room at the Univ of Baltimore, the fact is it is truly a beautiful room, with great floor-to-ceiling windows looking out over the Charm City, amazing mechanized curtains, and a truly lovely non-mechanized audience who tempted me to speak my mind on SCIENTOLOGY.

BUT I RESISTED.

AS YOU KNOW, tonight COULTON, REES, and I will be at the Warehouse Theater of the District of Columbia.

IF YOU FIND THIS EVENT INCONVENIENT OR TOO CROWDED, may I recommend a visit tomorrow night to CHOP SUEY BOOKS of Richmond, VA.

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: I do not know if REES will do the time travel bit at either of these events.

BUT I HOPE SO.

Meanwhile, THOSE WASHINGTONIANS who asked for my opinion on "Lost" may find it, finally, here.


That is all.

HEY THERE, SPORTS LOATHERS!

FIRST, see you tonight (Monday) in Baltimore.

NOW, a little matter regarding THE FUTURE.

AS YOU MAY KNOW, Coulton and I will be visiting Square Books in Oxford, Mississippi this Saturday, Oct 28, at 4PM.

NOW IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION that, in addition to being a lovely, leafy, whiskey-soaked town, final resting place of the corpse of William Faulkner, and seat of Lafayette County, OXFORD ADDITIONALLY ENJOYS SPORTS

Especially: OLE MISS FOOTBALL.

IN FACT, there will be a FOOTBALL CHALLENGE that very morning between the Ole Miss Rebels and the Auburn Fierce Footballers, or whatever they are called.

(I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT SPORTS.)

WHAT THIS MEANS, according to the very kind staff Square Books is as follows...

A) Everyone in town will be drunk.
B) After the game, it is hard to say who will want to come to a 4PM reading of FAKE TRIVIA.
C) But we should come on down anyway and hang out and have a drink.

LISTEN: this all sounds fine to me.

HOWEVER, it occurs to me that there may in fact be some people in Oxford, in greater Mississippi , and even Southern Tennessee who do not love sports and might enjoy this non-sporting event.

FOR THEM, I offer the humble alternative: fake trivia, and fellowship, and also BRANDY.

FOR IN FACT, though I am useless at sports, I do like the drunk part. And so, Coulton and I have agreed to serve at this particular reading a BRANDY SANGAREE to all legal persons in attendance.

A SANGAREE, as you surely know, is a reviver, a pick-me-up, a transitional drink from one intoxication to the other, providing a perfect 4PM brandy twilight from the boozy morning tailgaiting to the late night rowdyness that is sure to follow.

SURELY THIS IS AN OFFER EVEN A SPORTSMAN CANNOT DENY!

SO I ASK OF YOU, friends in the South and on the Internet, please spread word of this affair to your non-sporting friends and let them know a Sangaree awaits them in the beautiful town square.

AND OF YOU, Oxfordians, I ask you to forgive us for being different and asthmatic and strange: a Sangaree awaits you as well, should you wish to rest your Rebel head for a moment atop a pile of books full of words.

LET US JOIN TOGETHER for once, and show the world that there can be peace between these two tribes, PEACE THROUGH BRANDY, and FAKE TRIVIA.

AND THEN everyone can buy books and get on with their lives.

AS THE WEEK GOES ON, I will occasionally remind you of this event, and maybe ask for some help with getting all the brandy and nutmeg together.

FOR NOW, though, I leave you with a particularly poetic bit of copy from the Square Books events page:

"THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS"

which is to say

THAT IS ALL

CHARM CITY

Painting Class II.
Originally uploaded by Annie Matronic.

AS YOU KNOW, Monday begins our self-driven, southward tour of the Mid-Atlantic.

ALONG THE WAY, Coulton and I will be joined by David Rees all the way to North Carolina.

FIRST STOP: BALTIMORE, specifically:

THE FIFTH FLOOR MULTIPURPOSE ROOM in the Student Center of the University of Baltimore.

I CANNOT TELL YOU how long I have waited to play this legendary venue.

THE FIFTH FLOOR MULTIPURPOSE ROOM, MA! I MADE IT!

IN SERIOUS TONES, we love the Charm City, and our event at UBALT was one of our very favorites, and so we yearn again to see you there, at 7PM, for free.

MORE TOUR INFORMATION and photographs will follow. This one comes courtesy of Charm Citizen Annie, who has a secret message.

That is all.

PHOTO FUN QUIZ

Leaving a tip
Originally uploaded by Kodamakitty.

Look at this picture.

NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES.

Without peeking, answer this question:

WHICH IS OLDER? THE KETCHUP "AUX TOMATES" or SHOPSY'S?

????????????

A: It is impossible to say, because your eyes are closed, and so you never read the question.

Thank you Kodamakitty.

THAT IS ALL.

AND AFTER THAT, THE TEEN MYSTERY SOLVING CLUB WERE NEVER SEEN AGAIN

Anna, Brian, Bethany and Rence in classroom
Originally uploaded by penelopejonze.

NOT ONLY did Penelope Jonze discover strange markings in the abandoned school, but she also apparently deployed the club on an expedition to an abandoned amusement park.

WHICH, AS YOU KNOW, is for me, the VERY SCARIEST THING EVER.

(Click on the photo IF YOU DARE for further evidence).

GOOD LUCK TEEN MYSTERY SOLVING CLUB, wherever you are...

That is all.

MAXIMUM FUN

IF YOU HAVE NOT already subscribed to the radio/pod program THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA, it is not too late to miss the conversation between me, COULTON, and Jesse Thorn on the subject of COULTON'S BETRAYAL OF ME AND MY CATS.

YOU SHOULD ALSO follow Jesse's advice and subscribe to those Kaspar Hauser fellows. Their PHONE CALL TO THE 14th CENTURY is brilliant, and what's more, THEY ARE NOT ACTUALLY FERAL CHILDREN.

Jesse is also a member of PRANK THE DEAN, who come to the Fake Gallery on Melrose TONIGHT (tuesday Oct 17) at 9PM, hosted by Chris Hardwick.

According to the one-sheet, reservations ARE URGED: 323-661-0786

AND I AGREE

That is all.

WINTER HAT AND BRANDY

for cold weather.JPG
Originally uploaded by captain joy.

COULTON and I will be resting quietly in our respective homes for a spell...

AND THEN NEXT WEEK, we shall travel south by car, with DAVID REES for a reprise of our well attended MID-ATLANTIC TOUR, including

The University of BALTIMORE (Oct 23)
The Warehouse Theater of THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (Oct 24)
Chop Suey books of RICHMOND, VA (Oct 25)
The Bull's Head Bookshop of CHAPEL HILL (Oct 26)
DURHAM'S own Regulator (Oct 27--NO COULTON DUE TO HIS BETRAYAL)

thereafter REES will return home and COULTON and I will soldier on...

TO OXFORD, MS and Square Books (Oct 28. Yes, THAT IS THE EVENING OF THE AUBURN GAME so we desperately require some anti-footballites to come visit us!)

and

TO AUSTIN, TX and Book People (Oct 30. Will there be football? ONLY TIME AND DREADFUL FATE WILL TELL).

Meanwhile, stay tuned for more of the SLY WIT SO LOVED BY CANADIANS.

And thank you. Thank you.

THAT IS ALL.

(cpt. Joy again gets credit for the photo)

HELLO, CANADIANS

I hope this is sly enough for you.

I am sorry COULTON and I are not coming to your country to promote my book. I hope you will keep buying it with your government book allowance money, however.

That is all.

ALAS FOR JOY

TEARS OF THE HOBO KILLER.jpg
Originally uploaded by captain joy.

ALAS, Cpt. Joy, who submitted this incredible image of anti-joy, but...

WE CANNOT ATTEND THE SHANTY SINGING CONTEST in Oakland after the reading tonight.

IT IS TOO FAR AWAY, I fear, from our home location of

CODY'S (not in Berkeley, but in San Francisco)

TONIGHT at 7pm

ALAS! ALAS! For as you know, I love a shanty.

BUT IT CANNOT BE HELPED.

That is all.

SEATTLE

Hobo Stiletto Graffito (detail)
Originally uploaded by merlinmann.

PLEASE FORGIVE my tardiness.

COULTON and I will be at Elliott Bay Books in one and one half hours (7:30PM).

COULTON will be leaving early to make his own show at the JEWELBOX theater at the RENDEZVOUS.

RENDEZVOUS with either of us at either location or both.

Thank you MERLIN for the stiletto.

THAT IS ALL.

HOBO BROWNIES

DSCN1992
Originally uploaded by heyjupiter.

Courtesy "HEYJUPITER" on Flickr.

AS IS TRADITIONAL, they are made with hallucinogenic wood alcohol.

TONIGHT, OF COURSE, Coulton and I will be appearing at BOOK SOUP on the Sunset Strip.

THIS WILL OCCUR at 7PM, free of charge.

THEN COULTON WILL ONCE AGAIN ABANDON ME and go to his own gig at The Temple Bar in Santa Monica.

THIS WILL OCCUR at 9:45PM.

That is all.

33 SECRET! SECRET! OK!

h in sunrays @ 33
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

THANK YOU, A-Lad, for following the instructions the internet gave you and finally capturing an image of the fabled and very very SECRET Club 33.

SOMEDAY I wish to go.

BUT TONIGHT I shall enjoy another dream, to stand on the stage of the Fitzgerald Theater along with COULTON and Mr. NEAL POLLACK at 8PM, courtesy MPR.

TICKETS may be purchased.

THANK YOU, meanwhile, Philadelphia and Amy Sedaris and David Rees for a perfect evening.

That is all.

LARGE PRINT LITERARY CRITICISM

H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by NoodleGuy1.

LAST NIGHT we read in the LARGE PRINT/LITERARY CRITICISM section of the Harry Schwartz bookstore, in Milwaukee's BAYVIEW district.

AS YOU CAN SEE, it turned my hand invisible.

TONIGHT, we visit the BORDERS of Ann Arbor, MI, which as you know is BORDERS NUMBER ONE, the very first Borders store, first discovered by 1824 by Elisha Rumsey, though experts suggest it hewn from a single, massive boulder many centuries ago, probably by giants.

Here are the details you may require.

TOMORROW NIGHT: we join AMY SEDARIS and DAVID REES in Philadelphia for the 215.

THANK YOU, meanwhile, NoodleGuy1 (as the first NoodleGuy, he is also hewn from a single massive boulder), for the photo.

THAT IS ALL

MALORT

I HAD MANY INQUIRIES regarding the strange, Chicago-native quaff that unhinged our presentation last night at the excellent SECOND CITY ETC stage.

It is MALORT, and it is not made up.

(As the great Martin D and Doc Cocktail have verified).

I first discovered this bitter/herbal/murderous alcoholic potion years ago at a LITTLE GRAY BOOK LECTURE on the subject of the fictional city of Chicago.

It was PLEASANT to be re-acquainted with it last night, especially in front of such a fine audience, until it became UNPLEASANT.

But the audience and fine people of the 2nd City STAYED PLEASANT THROUGHOUT, and for their adventurous spirit and friendly nature, I AM GRATEFUL.

(Special thanks to smarty-pants Joceylyn and Chicagoist for the Malort-ology link).

Milwaukee is glorious bright and blue today. The lager rivers are really shining in the sunlight. I look forward to seeing the Milwaukee-ans at Harry Schwartz's, 7PM, in Bayview.

To the rest of you: THAT IS ALL.

THANK YOU CHICAGO, AND FAREWELL

H in Sunrays
Originally uploaded by PhineasX.

Now we fly (FLY!) to Milwaukee....

Tuesday, October 3
MILWAUKEE, WI
Harry W. Schwartz Bookshop (Bay View)
2262 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.
(414) 481-3401
7:00 p.m.

Thank you, Phineas.

THAT IS ALL.

MONDAY NIGHT: SECOND CITY

Thank you, Tom Deja, for this...

WHAT IS THIS STRANGE IMPLEMENT?

09-27-06_2012
Originally uploaded by disco.sleeze.

I AM MYSTIFIED by this green dial. Can anyone, perhaps its original documentor, explain it to me?

MEANWHILE, IF YOU ARE ANYWHERE NEAR CHICAGO, allow me to remind that COULTON and I will make a rare DAYLIGHT appearance today at 2PM at

BORDERS #101

which is located at 2817 North Clark Street, in LINCOLN PARK

which they say is part of CHICAGO.

That is all.

DOUBLE COULTON AT THE AIRPORT

HERE IS THE SHOCKING TRUTH about Jonathan Coulton's ability to write a thing a week:

TWO HEADS

TWO BEARDS

TWO IDENTICAL COULTONS

with a mysterious triangle hanging between them.

Here they are at LaGuardia airport as we prepare to fly to Chicago for the 2 shows.

(2PM at Borders on Sunday; 7PM at 2nd City on Monday: BOTH FREE)

THAT IS ALL

CASUAL FRIDAYS

hshirt
Originally uploaded by The Doifter.

Here is an ASTONISHINGLY UNRETOUCHED PHOTO of a shirt which, according to its creator, was made with her own two hands, and a THIRD, SEWING-MACHINE-SHAPED HAND.

I have examined this garment and may verify IT IS TOTALLY AUTHENTIC.

IT WAS A SUPER-PRIVILEGE AND GREAT THRILL to bother Neil Gaiman on stage last night at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: yes, those armchairs were as comfortable as they looked.

I FELT ESPECIALLY GUILTY because most people in life do not get to ask Neil questions while sitting in a comfortable leather armchair, unless they do so at home, via his journal. Where as of this writing he offers this news: he is flying to Washington DC today, and you may now buy his new book FRAGILE THINGS.

I think you know what to do next.

THAT IS ALL.

SPOTTED IN BROOKLINE, MA

Hobo sign
Originally uploaded by spi516.

MANY, MANY thanks to everyone who visited with us in my hometown of Brookline, MA.

I WAS GOING TO ASK if anyone happened to photograph the secret message spotted at the Brookline Booksmith, as I had forgotten to.

BUT LO, the internet and spi516 had already answered.

TONIGHT: Gaiman.

THE FUTURE: Chicago, city of THE FUTURE.

That is all.

THIS EVENING: BROOKLINE, MASSACHUSETTS

Take One
Originally uploaded by mrbikferd.

THIS EVENING, Coulton and I will be visiting Brookline, Massachusetts, a non-fictional town where I grew up.

THIS WILL OCCUR at 7PM, at Brookline Booksmith, a fine book smithy where they not only offer books made of wrought iron, forged on anvils, but paper editions as well.

Brookline Booksmith
279 Harvard Street
Brookline, MA 02446
617-566-6660

IT IS FREE.

Meanwhile, THE ACCOMPANYING IMAGE is offered by Mr. Bikferd, who steadfastly refuses to adhere to the NO DIGITIAL MANIPULATION STIPULATION of the h-in-sunrays pool, and yet I have to forgive him, for once again he has peered directly into my brain and produced from it uncannily an image I never dared hope I would see.

THIS PROCESS, I am happy to report, WAS PAINLESS.

Tomorrow I will cease to reward the guilty and return to featuring, GRATEFULLY, analog world images from AROUND THE WORLD.

Until then: that is all.

THE ANSWER, JUNIPER, IS 1,000 COPIES

But the 1,000 you have already purchased will suffice.

HERE IS THE MYSTERY IMAGE. It is a picture of a robot Mark Twain talking to a robot Benjamin Franklin.

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, the actual corpses of Twain and Franklin were not made into robots for this popular exhibit in Florida.

WHICH IS TO SAY rumors of the robotic reanimation of Twain's corpse have been highly exaggerated.

That is all.

See you tonight. And/or tomorrow night in Brookline.

ROBO NEWZ-UP TO THE MINUTE

h in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

Ape-Lad has risked arrest to bring you several h-in-sunrays chalkings from Walt Disney World.

One might say he even risked the dreaded fate of "mouse arrest."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

That was rich.

Also: don't forget that tonight, at 7PM, Coulton and I will be at the Mark Twain House in Hartford, CT, presenting a special OVERLONG PROGRAM to justify your very kind entrance fee of thirty dollars (25 if you are a member).

Here is a small preview of what you will see.

That is all.

PS: If only Mr. A. Lad had been able to visit Club 33 with his chalk. Perhaps in a next life I will be so fortunate. For now, I have more good fortune than I can bear.

H IN HALF-RAYS

H in half sunrays
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

Ape-Lad asks the eternal question: WAS CARL HOLMES A HOBO?

"...Or perhaps half a hobo? This evidence from the Walter Foster Art Book "ABC of Lettering" by Carl Holmes, suggests he toyed with the idea."

To answer a question from the comments, you may add your found h-in-sunrays here: http://www.flickr.com/groups/hoboes/

THE EAGLE-EYED ED PAGE

AKA--A TOUR UPDATE.

As you may know, COULTON and I will soon be visiting many American cities.

I am sorry Canadians: no visits to your frozen lands this time. But feel free to take advantage of our loose border restrictions and caravan south to see us.

Meanwhile, Ed Page, of www.mcsweeneys.net and many fine illustrations, made a few corrections to the tour details when he posted them, kindly, as noted below:

BEGIN QUOTED TEXT

John:

I don't mean to nitpick; I just thought you might want to correct these minor errors:

1. MILWAUKEE: I believe the street address is "2262 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.," not "2262 Kinnicinnick Ave." Note the compass direction and the spelling of "Kinnickinnic." Also, "Bay View" appears to be two words, not just one, as you have it ("Bayview").

2. MINNEAPOLIS: The event starts at 8 p.m., not 7 p.m. (Not that it matters, but lest it cause confusion: I chose to call this your "ST. PAUL" show. Also, tickets are $15 and are available for purchase at this address.

3. RICHMOND: The street address is "1317 W. Cary St.," not "1317 Cary Street." Note the compass direction. I realize this is probably a rather insignificant point, but there does exist, I think, a possibility (and a remote one at that, I grant you) that for Hodgman fans who for whatever reason are not familiar with the streets of Richmond, having that "W." there may save a wisp of confusion. (Perhaps you removed the "W." as a subtle political statement. In which case, fuck yeah, bro!)

Sorry for being so quibblingly anal. Now you know why I'm a copy editor.

Ed

END QUOTED TEXT.

Additionally:

A) there is one special date we all forgot to mention in CHICAGO, a city that some believe exists:

Monday, October 2
THE SECOND CITY, CHICAGO
1616 North Wells Street
Chicago, IL 60614
7PM
BOOKS WILL BE SOLD HERE BY THE GREAT QUIMBY.

B)

Our event at the Mark Twain House of Hartford, CT on Sept 26 is ALSO NOT FREE. It costs $30 for non-members, $25 dollars for members. Proceeds go to help runaways on rafts. You do not get a discount if you dress up as Mark Twain. It's time for you to get over that.

Please always check here for refinements to this schedule, and thank you.

THAT IS ALL.

NOT WITH THAT PULSE TRAIN THEY AREN'T

White board H in sunrays
Originally uploaded by Drhaggis.

Thank you, Haggis.

AND WAIT... PLUS...

They have the nerve to play up the "green" angle of their homes, when in fact, everyone knows that a freestanding frame house is a heat and wind sieve compared to the energy efficiency of a home beneath the earth.

It makes you wonder why we went to all the trouble to destroy the damn ring in the first place.

That is all.

ZERO ROUND DOORS, ZERO SOD ROOFS

Because of the eagle eyes of Neil Gaiman, I am forced to make one last post before I leave today, and that is to draw attention to this.

I think if you are going to call your planned community "The Shire" and kit it all out to look like a fantasy village, you better be prepared to build some damn homes underground.

This is frankly infuriating. Especially since this "Shire" is in Oregon, where I happen to know that people not only **want** to live under the ground, they often do.

I am too angry to write more.

That is all.

THE PENALTY FOR CHEATERS

jail bird
Originally uploaded by Ape Lad.

I will be in another hemisphere. Expect upside down posting to begin on Monday

That is all.

A MESSAGE TO CAPTAIN JOY

ghostbusters uprising.jpg
Originally uploaded by captain joy.

Oh, Joy--

I enjoy a Peter McNichol reference as much as the next man, and of course this is brilliant.

But I should note again that the original intention of the game was to promote unretouched photos of actual h-in-sunrays markings. The idea of photo manipulation hadn't occurred to me.

That said, these things take a life of their own, and that is how it should be. I do not wish to be controlling. Those who wish to draw in actual chalk and those who wish to draw in virtual chalk are all equally thanked by me.

That is all.

PREPARE FOR COULTON VS. FLOATING SQUID

IT SHALL HAPPEN tomorrow.

TRIPLE ACTION

Greetings internet readers...

For those of you who have spoken renewed desire to play Burger Time and Triple Action, I can direct you to Intellivision Lives, an upstart group of former Intellivision programmers bent on keeping their strange legacy alive. They were the kind source of the original Plimpton image that inspired this one.

Meanwhile, thank you for reading the internet.

That is all.

MINATURE JAPANESE GARDEN? OR GIGANTIC SURFACE OF THE MOON?

It's Time
Originally uploaded by Bill_D.

AS OFTEN, miniature and gigantic seem to be the only options.

AND HERE IS THE REFERENT

WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Originally uploaded by hodg-man.

It still astonishes me that my publisher went along with this scheme.

That is all.

THIS IS THE REFERENCE

George Plimpton Digs Intellivision
Originally uploaded by scrubbles.

FOR JESSE, and those else who may not initially grasp it, this is the reference I was trying to make.

I TRUST IT IS CLEAR that my intent is homage, for with Plimpton, there is no comparison. I had the distinctly surreal pleasure of being edited by him once over the phone. There are few editors as gracious and astute as he was.

PLUS, he could boogie.

MORE HERE, including the now inevtiable COULTON SONG.

That is all.

BOING

I had been planning to link to this on Monday, but Mark beat me to it. It's only appropriate, as he got the whole thing started, after all. But, still: I will crush him.

To see the whole big thing, go here. Thank you, Xadrian.

That is all.

CITIZENS OF NEW YORK

I thank you. It was a wonderful debut of both the paperback and audiobook editions. Coulton and I were rusty, but your patience and mercy, plus the brandy, helped.

That is all.

GLAZED BEAVER PLAQUES

On Thursday evening, Sept 7th, at 7PM...

COULTON and I will be presenting material from what we commonly refer to as "THE PAPERBACK EDITION."

This will be the first official presentation of this new, much more flexible edition of my book, and it shall occur at the Barnes and Noble in Astor Place. If you want to know what it looks like, go here.

(Pictured, one of the several beavers depicted on the walls of the Astor Place IRT station, so named for John Jacob Astor, renowned furrier and beaver-killer of NYC's ancient past).

If you hate glazed beaver plaques or are too good to ride the subway, perhaps you might walk or take a pedicab? But by all means: PLEASE STOP BY AND SAY HELLO.

But if you are nowhere near Manhattan and wish to buy the book, one way would be to visit NPR, where your purchase somehow aids the hopeless cause of radio. You know how I feel about hopeless causes.

(Scroll down to "PURCHASE FEATURED BOOKS" and then do exactly what it tells you to do)

Or else wait, and perhaps we shall meet ON THE AMERICAN ROAD.

That is all.

(Photo credit: Rich Panse)

THE BITTER GLARE OF THE EVER-UNCARING TRIPLE SUNS

Pertaining to this query from long ago, I am now able to reveal the startling alternate cover to the paperback edition of my book, courtesy the skilled BENJAMIN GIBSON.

It is not only beautiful and dragony, but also it serves as a security measure. If you do not find this image on the inside cover, then you are not reading an AUTHENTIC PAPERBACK EDITION of THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE.

Other sure-fire signs that you may be reading an ILLEGALLY PIRATED copy of the PAPERBACK EDITION.

-it does not contain 100 more hobo names.
-the words seem to be in the proper order and all make sense.
-it does not contain any words at all, just pictures of fighting karate men.
-it is printed on CDs instead of paper.
-it was sold to you by THIS MAN.

If you suspect you have a BOOTLEG copy, or if your copy is ON FIRE, I ugre you to send it back to the publisher and buy one or more AUTHENTIC EDITIONS.

Unless it is printed on CDs, in which case, keep it. Coasters!

That is all.

WILL THIS BE THE 700th HOBO?

The Hobotones
Originally uploaded by dutchb0y.

The answer is no. This picture was uploaded last week.

But I am informed that e-hobo will reach its full complement of 700 hobo illustrations today, TUESDAY, Sept 5.

It will be provided by "El Sloth," the slow, updside-down-hanging fellow who provided this very first illustration.

Then Apelad, Annje, Jawbone, Xadrian, Boxcar Avenger, Marcus Parcus, Juco, Dark Mark, Halcyon Snow, Dutchboy, Horsemask, the Grey Engima, Dan Coulter, and so many more* will at last be done with their strange marvel of a project. Except for 100 more hoboes, just added.

(*And then, perhaps, they will take up the equally time-consuming, abitrary, and necessary charge of illustrating 700 hobo illustrator nicknames).

Meanwhile, if you wish, you may listen this evening forthe secret messages on the radio(if you are not doing so already. And if you are not doing so already, what is wrong with you?).

And finally, to bury the lead, the very soft, pliable, paperback edition of my book is officially published today.

Please note: it can be rolled up into a stake, but if you use it to stab the undead, you will be in for a bad surprise.

That is all.

THE GHOST OF RADIO KUOW-SEATTLE

Here you see a spectral photograph of the ghost that wanders the halls of KUOW-Seattle.

Known as "Ole Johnny Moe," they say he is a failed thespian known for his booming voice. At the station he is blamed for all sorts of mysterious happenings--signal noise, rapping on microphones, and the hosting of afternoon talk programs. He also has apparently written a book from the beyond. I took this photo on my tour of Seattle's haunted NPR stations, which I highly recommend.

Bookeaters tonight. Some tickets available. Hope to see you there.

That is all.